BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids Today I got 'the look'

Wow, though I agree random, that people have children for entirely selfish reason, specific reasons for having kids. My cousin said his reason was "to have someone to care for him when he's older" to me that was selfish.

I also agree that they have the monopoly on opinion when it comes to just about anything from new laws, to the majority view. People seem to think that because these people are so "Selfless" to put a child's needs before their own, that this makes them saints. While all the while their demanding everyone else to cater to their children. In grocery stores sometimes it's up to the clerk or manager or even stocker, or some other helpless employee just trying to make it through the work day to watch over their offspring to make sure they don't ruin something or hurt themselves.

Though has anyone else noticed that parents seem to be more easily offended?
Like if you state an opinion about something, for say, parenthood, you might say something like "I don't really care for kids" or "I don't want kids" or "parenthood isn't for me really". Suddenly you're swarmed with more than enough parents ready to burn you at the steak. It's as if they turn a general statement aimed at no one in particular, into a personal attack on them, and their offspring and ancestors. I often wonder why that is...maybe I'll never figure it out.

Yep Jennifer, many, many parents (especially women, less so men) are totally irrational on anything to do with the subject of children.

Ask them politely to quieten their child down in a restaurant or not change a nappy on a cafe table and you would think you'd asked them to kill their first born.

Oh Jennifer, the kid now gets dumped on my best mate, who is totally up to his eyeballs fed up with it but (the child is my partner's niece, my best mate is his brother) he does it because otherwise his mum (the child's grandmother) will and she already does enough for them, but she'll do it rather than tell the parents it's their job. They don't even ask the grandfather because he'll just not do it, yet even he won't point out that their taking the proverbial. We all work full-time, they don't, they have more time and it IS their child! Bizarre eh? I am dying for someone to just tell them straight, but in the meantime I'm now just avoiding the in-laws altogether cause biting my tongue is getting difficult.

For some reason no one wants to say anything to them, no-one will tell them to actually discipline the child and stop giving into her, yet we are the ones that suffer the consequences because the minute we are around they just leave the room and leave us with the child without asking!

This reminds me of something not quite about kids, but the same problem.
We are close to my hubbys best friend and his wife.
I like his wife, but she is not my type of woman - very needy, very girlie ( he talks baby talk to her sometimes which sends my toes curling ) and not someone I want to spend time alone with.

Other that that, we get along because the men really gel.
Anyhoo, they retired ( well, he did, early, so she stopped her part time shop work too ) and lo had lots of time on their hands, but no imagination to fill it.

What reminds me of the problem is this. EVERY time I was alone in a room with her, her hubby would just about run ( really run ) out of the room to leave her with me.
then he would say things like - tomorrow morning, the men are going to do this, and the women can do that.
At first I actually felt sorry for him that he got no peace from her - she's the sort of woman that won't go out on her own without him, and would complain ( he told me this once years ago ) that if they were out in company and he didn't speak alot to her she would give him grief when they got home ,because he IGNORED HER ....

Obviously, parents with the same problem - ie a demanding child, is just as desperate to get some respite from an unbearable being ( I suppose wether it's a child or an adult ) and will dump on anyone available.

Obviously the difference is, a child needs discipline, and it's up to a parent to give it, an adult should know already.

Plus, he could leave her if it was so bad, but I honestly think he would have more grief if he did, and I think he would come to physical harm - she is completely scary when she doesn't get her own way....

It's as you say, Jen I really don't know the answer to why some people react the way they do, but it's obvious they are unable to cope with what they have got ( needy child or partner )
BUT one thing's for sure I'm not going to be dumped on, as the solution is in their own hands.
That sounds a bit harsh, I'm not saying you shouldn't help. we all need help at times, however, it's those that expect it all the time with no thought for others. Then it becomes destructive and draining, and leads to extreme negative emotion.

It comes back to what we've said all along, having kids is a lottery - needy, intelligent, disabled....who knows.
Which is why I thank my blessings, as I'm not arrogant enough to think my child wouldn't be needy / demanding, and would find it just as hard to cope.
I really don't think I'd dump on others though, but again who knows what pressure leads you to some actions.

( that's no excuse, though Random in your situation, and I would hate such a child to be dumped on me too. how do you deal with it ?)