BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids He wants kids: What to expect if you stay

Wow, Cassie, I can't believe what you must be going through, but you seem to be coping really well - which knowing your circumstances is anything other that going into a darkened room and having a meltdown.... ! I'll be thinking of you and your boyfriend, and praying it all goes well. Stay strong ( and keep us posted ! )

Waow Cassie, I may not know you but definitely thinking about you and wishing you both strength at this time. Remember, in all things, to look after yourself also. Take care LJx

Oh my God, Cassie, how much more can God ask of you? You are absolutely a saint, and I'm so glad you've found love after your divorce. I pray for a speedy recovery for your boyfriend, and that many blessings will come from this situation. Hang in there, darling girl!

Thanks so much to all of you.....I wish I could hug all of you lovely ladies. Your words of support mean a lot to me.

It is said that things happen for a reason, and God only gives you what you can handle. It has been a tough year indeed for me since early January, but I am surviving it all somehow. I do believe my boyfriend and I will be much closer because of this experience together, and that will be a beautiful thing. I know we were meant to meet each other this year because we both needed each other to get through a major crisis in our lives.

He has been off the breathing tube for a few days now, is walking laps around the nurse's station, and he's looking a whole lot better. Still a challenge with swelling in his throat around the vocal chords so they are not letting him eat or drink (gotta love those ice chips....) for fear it will end up in his lungs. They are going to check his throat again tomorrow to see if the swelling is down from Monday. Hopefully he will get the green light to eat and drink, but I am not so sure it will happen tomorrow.

He is very frustrated with the feeding tube and he has lost 15 pounds already....a lot to lose for a small statured man. He is having trouble sleeping too so they will give him stronger sleep medication to help him sleep better tonight. He is very tired and does not have much strength. At least he is making positive strides even if they are baby steps at this point. He is alive and talking, and that alone is a blessing.

Thanks again, ladies, for your kind words. I will keep you posted.

I've just reread these threads , and something keeps jumping up at me. Love ( hey, don't get excited, I'm not going to be That slushy..) But it seems to me that partners who no longer want to be with the other, sometimes use the 'child' card to get out of a relationship they're no longer happy with. We all need love, and if we're not feeling it, I think some ( alot maybe ) people think that a child is going to supply them with all the love they need for the rest of their lives. - I know it's you lot I'm talking to, and like me maybe nodding slowly with a sly smile on your face, eyebrows raised. Unfortunately they don't think it through, they just look at the media, who make everything seem hunky dory, and think - I'll have some of that. Who hasn't watched those baby adverts, with cute little hands, and adoring eyes look up into mammy and daddy, and go 'awwww' And lets face it, they're on telly EVERY day. Babies are big business, so every beautiful, cute cliche, is rammed down us. As we've all said, a child is no guarantee of love, and I think that's why alot of these parents are clingy, and demanding of their offspring, unable to form other loving relationships from friends / partners/ family, so make their kids lives hell. I've kind of gone off subject, what was I saying ? Yes, Love. If you find it, and it's given back, treasure it. ( I feel you are Cassie! )

Another update even though it is off topic....

My boyfriend is still in the hospital. It has been almost 5 weeks of this. Since my last post he has had issues with infection, fluid retention around the left lung, sky rocketing white blood cell counts, fever, not sleeping well, and of course overall exhaustion. There was an infected abcess the doctors recently cleaned out behind his incision so hopefully that will help matters, but his white blood cell count is still fluctuating as of today.

Two weeks after surgery my boyfriend was finally cleared to eat a pureed diet and the feeding tube was removed. A week after that he was cleared to eat and drink anything. If he takes his time he does pretty well with that, but swallowing pills is still a little challenging for him. We are hearing that he may be released some time next week.

It has been a long haul for all of us....my boyfriend, his elderly parents, and myself. We are all exhausted from being at the hospital on a daily basis, not to mention that it was touch and go for my boyfriend's condition more than once. It was thought at one time that he would need an additional surgery to remove fluid around his left lung, and that would mean another intubation for breathing and another nightmare recovery from the swelling in his throat from that breathing tube. I really don't know if my boyfriend could have taken another surgery and intubation.

Any prayers and good wishes by the readers here have been greatly appreciated. I do believe it all helps tremendously. The road may be a tough one, but I don't think it is impossible in this case. One day at a time....

Hang on in there, Cassie.

Virgo girl - I was wondering if you have had a any further discussion with your hubby since your original post ?
Has it all calmed down, or is it still a difficult issue ?

Sometimes I swear it would be better if we all lived in a cave on our own ( with central heating of course ) but then we would miss out on all the fantastic joys ( read 'sh1t' ) that life sometimes throws at us.
Ah, life. fun, fun , fun...

Hi Gaynor-

We never "had it out," but we have had some mini-talks where we have both revealed our true feelings. He'll ask things like, "Did you ever envision yourself a Mom when you were a kid?" (I didn't). Or a family member will bring up babies, and he'll say, "Well, my wife definitely doesn't want one." He'll say these things in a respectful way, but he does make it plain that he's a little sad that we'll never be parents. I was scared early on, and did give him the option to leave. He told me that he didn't want to, and that this was the better or worse thing he vowed to honor when we got married.

I think he's gotten some perspective though. One of my voice students is 16 and had a baby last year. She brings little baby to her lessons, and the baby can be loud sometimes. He sees that the lesson basically comes to a halt and we don't get anything done until she can calm the baby down. And this baby actually is not that badly behaved, but it's still a disruption! It's been enlightening for him.

He sounds like a good man virgogirl.
I think that's the problem with many people - especially men, they don't see the full impact of having kids, and how society has changed so much, affecting the 'traditional' lifestyle.
In the past, men got married, and have their wife look after house, home, kids, while they had an empowering career, and came in to dinner on the table. ( with plenty salary to pay for all that without the wife working )
If we'd been born 100 years ago ? well, I'd have wanted to be a bloke ;-D

Gaynor- he is a good man. That's why it breaks my heart that I can't give him the one thing in life he thinks he might still be missing a bit.