BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids Comments at a bus stop.

Kat your right she may not have meant to insult her, but either way you color it sounds like an insult. Even if the intent was different, the tone it sets sounds condescending at best. I think that maybe it is true that she might have had anything better to talk about. Though if she wanted she could have also steered the conversation as well away from kids. Maybe that would've helped the woman find a small piece of herself in the process as well =)

I hate people who impose their view of life on people they know, especially relatives. Christmas is not for this kind of stuff! I have no kids, no tango pole, and my life is OK. I don't talk much to my mother about this.

Kari you made me laugh with the "no tango pole" I got to say I'm rocking a similar boat and I'm pretty darn happy. Though equally so imposing their views of life on people is a great disrespect and it's not fair. Christmas...boy do I not look forward to it, my cousin, my mother's sisters son, just had a new born. I fear for my holiday this year...very much so....=(

What do nights you do evenings...reply...everything you can't do. ;D

Kat, I love that you look at things from the other side, and you're so right.
When I think about it, I wonder if some mothers feel they have to talk about kids, because that's what EVERYBODY talks about.
And others do because that's ALL they have to talk about.

My aunt has never had a job, and her kids were her main focus.
then her grandkids. now she's in her 70's and just had a stroke, she's stuck in the house ( except at bus stops terrorizing my mum ;-D ) She's never had a any outside hobbies, so maybe she just wanted to be social, and her only conversation was her family.

Maybe some mums think THEIR lifestyle is being attacked when confronted with a cf person, and maybe resent the restrictions on their life, so get defensive ?

It's hard to know ( depending on what's being said of course ) wether someone is just defensive, or trying to 'get one over.'
....?

I am so sorry to hear what your Mom went through. My Mom has to hear from her 'best friend' all about how WONDERFUL her grandkids are. My mom wants grandkids, but I've decided I don't want kids. I feel badly for her, but I can't bring them into the world just for her. Besides, I tell her she has two furry grandkids (my cats :)) I am with you on this. And I am so glad I found this site too. -amy

I am also very pleased to have found this forum. I stumbled upon it yesterday, after I was a bit rude to my grandmother because she asked me THREE times on the same phonecall "When are you going to give me great grandchildren?" P.S.: I'm still 27 and have only been married 10 months! I have several relatives who are just like the aunt you described. Some people might indeed say things that weren't meant as an insult, but these relatives... nooo, sir. They're just plain nasty. I was thinking maybe we should all make a list of exciting things we could not have done if we had kids, so we can tell these people about them. Like when someone says "Little Sally had her first poo last night!" you go "That's wonderful, you must be so proud! Oh, did I tell you about the great spa I went to last week?" and then you tell them about that, or where you went to dinner, or a trip you took, or all the books you read last month, and so on... And not like you're competing with them. It's just that sometimes I end up feeling like I have nothing to counterwight the mommytalk with, so I think this might be a good strategy to keep the conversation interesting, instead of making it seem like I have nothing to talk about if I have no kids. Or that kids are the only thing there is to talk about! I am an only child, so when people start to tell my parents "I have grandkids, neener-neener-neener" I'm sure I'm going to get that guilty feeling. So I might encourage them to make their own lists! Or at least to live full lives and not feel empty just because they're not grandparents. And my new mantra is: "Nobody can shame me into having kids." Sorry for the rant, but this was my first post, and not having anyone besides my husband to talk about this with, I guess I had a lot to say :)

"Nobody can shame me into having kids.".....I like that

And welcome Sabine

good mantra....another one....its no ones dam business if you have kids or not. being married 27 years and getting snipped 24 years ago, its not something we think about very often, but its a nice feeling knowing we dont have a kid out there somewhere screwing up in society. im sure being an only child makes it hard on your wanna be grandparents, but thats them.not you. just live your life the way you want and not through your parents dreams. they will survive.

I was surprised at the reactions that I got when I announced to my family that I'm CF. My Brother: Whoopty-do. I knew that already. :D My mother: That's a very adult decision, to decide you don't want children. Good for you! My Dad: Are you SURE? But...But...But...?! My paternal grandmother: Oh, your cousin Mandy doesn't want kids, either. To each his own. and the best one, from my maternal grandmother: "THANK GOD!" "What DO you DO in the evenings, without children to liven things up. " I get blind drunk, then play charades. In the dark. With my dog. (I always win). LOL! I'm sure that my dad is thinking of everything he could be missing...the Christmases, the "I love you, grandpa"s, the lessons on how to fish, hunt, etc. He'd probably end up spending more time with the grand kids than he did with ME. :\ I think he was bothered a bit by it because my brother is gay...and with that, the implication that there won't be children in any of his relationships. (Which is really short-sighted...I know a few gay couples that have adopted or did the turkey baster thing, and they are terrific parents). It does make me feel guilty every now and then. But, I'll never be guilt-ed into having children: Pregnancy and childbirth are both abhorrent to me, and I really don't like being around babies or young children. I'm lucky, though...I've been pleaded with, but I really haven't had anyone make any nasty, snide, truly insensitive comments about us being CF.