BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids Saw something today that irritated me immensely!

Dolyn: I am sure some people do abuse the privilege of having the disabled/handicapped parking markers in their cars. Some healthy people may indeed be using the marker from a relative....even a deceased relative. Who knows?

My boyfriend has one of these markers to park in disabled parking. Looking at him you'd never know anything was wrong with him. At almost 48 yrs old you'd think there would be no reason for him to have one of these markers. Eight years ago he had open heart surgery due to damage from radiation to his blood vessels when he had thyroid cancer at age 10. He has had health issues all of his life, and he does not have the physical energy to hold down a full time job. His heart is not strong due to a calcified valve and weakened blood vessels. He sometimes has trouble breathing and can get chest pains just from climbing a flight of stairs.

Despite this he is one of the good guys who does not abuse the use of his disability marker to park close to a building. There is almost no time when he will park in the close parking spaces and display his marker. He tries to leave these spaces for other people who may need them. He will only really use his marker in very bad weather, especially the real cold or snowy days because the cold affects his breathing, or when he truly is not feeling well but he needs to get out for necessities.

In our state you need a doctor to sign a form in order for you to be approved by the Motor Vehicle Department for a disabled parking marker to display in your car. I just heard that our state is going to phase out the lifetime markers over the next several years, and people are going to have to reapply for them on a regular basis in order to have them. I think it will help with limiting the abuse of these markers because the markers will probably have a special color if they are current, and the government can then start cracking down on the abusers.

Cassie67, your boyfriend sounds like a really good catch - selfless and not willing to throw himself a pity party. That seems to be getting rarer and rarer these days.

swearbear, Sheesh, I grew up in Micronesia, so I am quite familiar with the idea that not everyone in difficult circumstances exaggerates the situation. I was being facetious.

I think anyone who has lived in the US for an extended period of time knows that it is a (notoriously) spoiled land! I often think about that when I hear some people complain about being "poor" yet they have air-conditioning, a television, and often, transportation. Many people are born with a sense of entitlement - pregnant, child-free, fat, thin, low-income, wealthy.... most people seem to think they deserve ____ fill-in-the-blank. Perhaps that's what the gripe is here. Now that I can understand.

My CFC friends only seem to resent those who feel that they deserve special treatment - including those closer parking spaces - because they chose to have kids. For others, they still don't agree or support their choice, but they respect it by not treating it as an inferior option.

Rayna: My boyfriend truly is a wonderful man....unselfish and considerate, a kind and gentle soul. He always seems to put other peoples' needs first, and he considers himself a fighter in the face of adversity. I have known him for only 9 months and I consider myself very lucky to have him in my life.

During these times when it seems that a lot of people I come in contact with are self-centered and feel that they are owed something in life, it is truly a breath of fresh air to be with someone who has a more grounded perspective.

Hm. This is a tough one. I'm CF by choice, and I do feel a bit incensed when I see these signs in front of my local Best Buy (an odd choice- why not a grocery store?). I have nothing against pregnant Moms, but... We live in a society where we are free to make lots of choices. But the message I seem to get from everywhere else is that you should be willing to live with the consequences of that choice. I did not go to work for corporate America, therefore I need to accept that I can't afford to live in the $300,000 per house neighborhood I want to live in. I'm not going to get a tax break because I don't have any kids, but I'm expected to pay hefty property taxes if I want to live in a safe neighborhood, and the only safe neighborhoods out there are the ones with good schools (that I'm paying taxes for but won't ever use). I'm also going to fill in or pick up the slack at work when Mom has to pick up Junior because he's got a soccer game or he got sick at school. I'm going to do these things for 30+ years. So in a way, I'm giving you money so your kids can use the schools and so you can leave work early to tend to the needs of those kids. I'm not saying you don't need that time; I'm certain you do. The fact that "being a parent is hard work" is kind of beside the point, because it was your choice to become a parent. The exhaustion from late pregnancy may seem extreme, but it's certainly temporary. There are lots of rewards for having babies (like child-friendly tax structures, work circumstances and general support from American society). I don't think those spots are really that necessary; in fact, after the sacrifices childfree people make so other people can raise and educate kids, they're really a bit of an insult. Just my 2 cents.

Well put VirgoGirl. I often find if I put these opinions forward in general conversation I am treated as some sort of child hating pariah. And this is NOT the case, as life is about choices, and any choice shouldn't be belittled or ridiculed. However if someone chooses to have children, why should the rest pay heavily for it ? There is outcry at the moment in the U.K. as tax laws are being reviewed, and shock horror, child benefit is not going to be given to all those who earn over 40k ( complicated, but a general rule ) and nothing for a third child. I am amazed at the backlash of people who believe it's their given right for society to pay for how ever many offspring they have. When I was at university I struggled to support myself, and worked to pay the student rent, while trying to study. However If I'd gotten pregnant and produced, the govt. would have given me a house, furnished it, and given me benefits to live on, without working. Of course as a society we should help each other to create a better whole, but these parking spaces ? please !

well put, virgo girl!

Thanks for the mojo, Gaynor and Talia. And I don't mean any disrespect- I like kids and I have lots of friends who are Moms. But we do live in an unequal society, and part of that inequality is that people who have children are sympathized with, empathized with and given things to make their lives easier. So not only are those kids going to use finite resources and have an effect on the environment, MY tax dollars are making it easier for people to have more of them. I'm not asking for a handout myself, I'm just thinking that maybe we should rethink those policies, because they don't seem to make sense!

Having been away from the U.k. for 3 years, I was talking about this subject with a friend, and she said ' oh, Yes, they've had mothers with buggy bays at supermarkets for ages now.' I'm outraged.

When did pregnancy become an illness? Women used to work in fields till they gave birth. Pregnant women need to get over themselves and stop expecting so much attention and concern. Boy, my mum never made so much fuss, she was 5'2" a size 6 and carried twins both of whom were normal sized babies (15lb 6oz in total). I've got an 'invisible' chronic illness and it doesn't allow me to qualify for a disabled badge, even though some days I can barely walk a few steps, so why do we insist on this grand treatment for pregnant women as if they're doing society some great service?

Gaynor, for the first time in my life I found myself writing to the Tories congratulating them. Although I did ask that this is a precursor to removing child benefits altogether :-D Why my hard-earned taxes are handed over to people who earn more than me just because they chose to have children is beyond me.