BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids What is your focus, if you are child-free?

I am 26 years old and I have decided not to have kids of my own.My focus in my life are: - owning real estate properties that I can out up for rent and go into business - travel the world and visit the beautiful beaches.I love hanging out in the beach without any kid disturbing me - have many friends-from my country and from around the world,that share the same ideals about life and adulthood as I do

my focus has come and gone..weve done a lot of traveling in america...lots of camping....corvette shows. and we plan on doing more camping and traveling the american northwest. right now im focusing on changing the color of one of my vettes from black to bright red. its a lot of work but i can do it. we shoot pool every wednesday night on a league. last week we won first place for this sixteen week session...thats 3 trophies in 2 years....i like focusing on improving my skill level. and watching the few hot girls that are there....im a dirty old man and i dont care...lol my wife dont seem to mind.

I'm in the same boat as many: happily CF but lacking friends in the same mind-frame. I guess that is the one thing lacking. My hubby does want a child however. Since we both have health issues, not sure if it even can happen. In the meantime: I am working full-time, either traveling or working from home when not traveling. I am the bringer-home of the bacon since hubby is in school full-time, working part-time and also starting a business. So, we are plenty busy. Also, as newly marrieds, we still enjoy our time together to have fun... when we can. :-)

I have a few good friends , couples who are child free. the thing that I find is the common thread with reading the above comments and talking to these friends is that noone is ever bored. I am lucky I am never at a loss at what to do. I write poetry, am trying to see if I can write a book ( ok, never happen, but am enjoying the process ! ) we have recently moved abroad, and have a large garden with olive trees, I work part time in a job I actually like now, and life is great. So many times I've heard the same comment ' what would I do if I didn't have kids. ' I find these people the most boring to be around. Life has so much to offer, with exciting and interesting things to do that I could never fill in a lifetime.

I am lonely though. Everyone but me is family-first. I miss the days of running around with best friends and having our first loyalties to each other.

Easy question to answer... my husband and I focus on our pets. :) With three dogs, two cats and a snake there would never be time for kids, and that's the way we like it. The dogs are more than pets, they're show and performance dogs. We've found plenty of CF people in the "dog world" - probably because showing and trialing dogs takes up so much time and money. We're never bored or lonely... dog classes several times a week, daily training, constant companionship (the kind that is quiet and accepting, never demanding or conditional) - it's a good life. :)

I think what you just said, says it all.

Some people, it's hard to explain, but are deeply rigged. I don't have the right words, but their waters run ever so deep.

I think when you have kids, the focus is on a lot of temporaries. That may not make sense to a lot of people, especially those that have kids. In their mind they are building a long-term future. To others, though, it's a lot of energy going into something where there are a lot of variables and age, the children growing up, ensures there are even more variable.

If you don't have kids or have kids but aren't interested in having more, the focus can be contributing not just to a child or something outside of yourself, like schools, PTA's soccer, ect. but being centered, building something you personally have some control over, getting to the bottom of unresoved issues and building something you feel reciprocated in being a part of.

Having children, you really do have to encorporate a lot of people and situations you wouldn't normally, many of which have their own agendas and end up really not doing anything, personally for anyone but themselves or the children that they have and interests surrounding that.

My focus is on ME. Whether it's to go to bed at 2 AM on a Friday, or eat like a pig, or swear when I'm upset, or spend $$$ on clothes, or have my apt a little messy if I want to,.... I just love the freedom of deciding whatever my heart pleases and being ABLE to do it without any guilt.
In my eyes, I am the most important person in the world and I wouldn't have it any other way.

Honestly, the idea of kids NEVER crosses my mind, even when I'm very very bored. But I admit that for a while now I've been wanting to get a cat. My husband is against it though

Hi, this is my first post. I just found this site tonight and am exploring around. My husband and I have been together for 17 years and are 36 and 37 and really feeling the pressure all around to have kids but we have been on the fence for so long about it, leaning towards not having them. We like our lives the way they are, we don't like to be tied down and we like to travel, camp, hike, kayak. Even at home we both have our own interests and are easily self-entertained and need our own time. I see mothers and they look exhausted and I always hear them say how they can't even get a bath. Now I don't know if that is them playing the martyr role, but I don't want a lifestyle where I can't even have a bath with a glass of wine without someone needing me. I have dogs, I love them like they are my kids, but they can go in their kennel when we need time alone. The neighbors kids playing outside-the noise annoys me. Great kids, but the yelling and screaming is like nails on a chalkboard. When I see Moms at the park all clustered together or driving a minivan, I've never wanted to be part of that culture. Everyone says it will be different when it's your own kid, but that's a big chance to take.

to gullivera re the cat question. we have been married for 13 years, happily cf, and 2 years ago we got a cat. He hated cats, and said he was allergic. however he absolutely adores her, and did after the first week. she is a very affectionate cat, though, and loves her cuddles, lying on his chest, when she's in the mood. It's great because she looks after herself, we can go out when we want, and not worry about her. we have a cat flap, so getting back 'on time' is never an issue. just make sure it's a good natured cat, and even if he doesn't like it, the good thing is they take no looking after, - once you've taught them the basics like no climbing curtains !