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This was exactly my own experience, Deanna. I found I could affect him greatly by the energy I sent out. Gratitude and love transformed him positively, or rather led him to want to transform himself, while the complaining only made him worse.

You are so right and you have witnessed and experienced the power of love! How cool is that?

It isn't easy to see that both the blame and the power rest within us. But self work is why we're here. And isn't it so incredible to realize our own creative power? We can change the world!

BTW, have you seen The Secret dvd? www.thesecret.tv

Hi Lori, I did see the Secret. I watched online when it first came out, then got the DVD. Then when the book came out, joined a study group for it LOL!!!

I just got her second book - but I haven't started it yet. I want to get it read though, and review it, cuz I think it'll get a lot of hits

Lori and Deanna, you both express your love and spiritual connections so beautifully. That is a strong base for a happy and fulfilling relationship. In any lasting and fulfilling relationship, husband/wife, parent/child, sibling/sibling, friend/friend, there should be an understanding that "you are you and I am I and that is ok".

There is a greeting in Hinduism, "Namaste", that basically means "I honour the part of you where all the Universe meets". That can mean a whole lot when you think about it. When one can recognize the spirituality in another, even if different, then the path to becoming one is blessed.

In a parent/child relationship, it is often hard to see the child grow up to turn to another faith. Yet, it often happens and can cause a separation. When there is understanding and acceptance, then there is room for spiritual growth in that relationship.

My son and I are very close spiritually. I was raised Christian and grew to understand and bond to Native American beliefs. I raised my son with the Christian faith and he became a Buddhist Teacher. We both stand strong in our own truths, yet we recognize and honour each others beliefs. We often have very long conversations on our beliefs and teach each other, which leads us to a deeper understanding of not only our faiths, but each other.

Both of you are blessed in your marriage. If I can ever find the man I can share my spirituality with, or at least have an understanding and acceptance like my son and I, then I would be happy to remarry again. Until then, I am continuing to be at peace and happy with my life the way it is. All my closest friends over the years have been very strong in their belief system and we honour and respect any differences.

Do you feel close friendships with others are a benefit or hindrance to a marriage?

Interesting question Phyllis! I think it honestly depends on the friend. A few years ago when I was having those difficulties in my marriage, I was best friends with someone who constantly complained about her husband, and I allowed myself to get caught up in that. When I decided to stop complaining about my husband, she decided that I was no longer interesting to have for a friend LOL.

So, I would say that she was not good for my marriage. Though I'm the one who allowed myself to be influenced.

It must be that "WE" are the hindrance or the benefit, not our friends LOL!

That's wonderful that you and your son have that understanding between you. My goal is to nurture my children, help them learn to find their own answers, and then allow them to do what they will do. I love them. They are smart, and spiritual in their own way. I know they'll be fine.

Our children usually turn out good in spite of us. One of my good friends once told me that many, many years ago. She was Irish and very, what she would call, "cheeky". I had so much fun with her. She was one of the few friends I had who did not like to sit around and bash husbands. I found that the friends I had who loved to criticize their husbands all the time was a huge detriment to my marriage. They did not last very long as friends.

I love you two, Deanna and Phyllis. I love your spirits, wisdom, energy and understanding.

A *friend* is a good friend, she/he will help you evolve and enjoy the journey.

A close friendship should help your marriage. Sometimes, we run the risk of placing too many demands and expectations on our marriages. It's hard to be everything to each other. There are times when it is best to confide in a good friend so your spouse doesn't have to hear every little thought. Sometimes, spouses need to vent negative feelings or air our neurotic worries but they tire of having to listen to the same old patterns. That's when an understanding friend proves important. A friend has some emotional distance and can hear what we're saying without taking ownership of it. A spouse tends to want to "fix" our "problems" when a friend knows that just listening *is* the fix.

And Phyllis, I used to tell people that my kids turned out wonderful "despite" my parenting! I believe that!

My children's spiritual beliefs diverge from mine a bit but that is okay. It's all okay. We're all on our own paths within the same scope of discovery and love. It's silly now to me to debate religious and spiritual beliefs. We're *all* right.

Aw (((Lori))), like attracts like

This is such a good point! How can we expect our husbands to fulfill every single need we have?

We wouldn't expect our hair dresser to fulfill every need LOL!

My hubby likes to go to car shows. I like that he has friends he can do this with.

And I like that I have friends I can talk to when I'm stressed, and they are nurturing and supportive and nod their heads, and suggest coffee.

You're absolutely right - my hubby starts going into fix it mode - and when he can't fix it, he gets mad! He thinks he's failed me, when all I really need was someone to say "Aw Deanna, that sucks."

And a good friend knows to forget about when our dear hubbies have made us mad and we just needed to vent, not get divorce advice.

Lori, you are so caring and sweet. Love you, too!

You both really have so many good points. A friend will help you along your journey, allow you to rant, give you a listening ear or a shoulder to cry on, and will not judge or become a "divorce promoter or counselor".

Would it bother you, or your husband, if one or more of yours or his close friends were of the opposite sex? (just friends, not lovers).

Oooh, Phyllis...now THAT is a good question. I've always had male friends. Platonic.

My husband didn't mind when I kept a very good male friend whom I had known since middle school because he was like a brother to me. But other male friends he discouraged because he said that men will be friends with me but would still want to sleep with me if given the chance.

For example, a girlfriend and I were planning a two-night getaway and wanted to invite a male friend but my husband said no way. *shrug* I think of this guy as though he were another girlfriend really but he is not gay so I respected my husband's feelings and went only with a girlfriend.

I think I would mind if he had a close female friend because I would feel threatened by their shared intimacy. Intimacy could lead to a sexual union eventually if ever our relationship hit rocky times. Unless I knew without a doubt that there could be nothing between them but platonic friendship, I would object.

But since my husband says I'm his best friend, there isn't a need for another gal pal in his life, is there?

I agree with you, Lori. I would be concerned if my guy had a close female friend. It could very well lead to a more intimate relationship between them if one was consoling the other. Yet some couples seem to be able to tolerate this and remain faithful to each other.