BellaOnline Forums Relationships Domestic Violence My story

Yeah ure right...i have read that book also and i already know half the things, i have a good support system who understands me..but there are times when i feel very low, as if i dont have any energy at all....i know ppl like him are not normal, i know he put me down, called me ugly, worthless bcoz he wanted to control me, i know all that....but im restless, and broken...i have my good days too, its not that im always depressed...but im terribly scared of what he may do if the authorities take some action against him, he is probably going to see himself as a victim, and he's probably going to take revenge....im scared of that...really...and problem is that there r ppl who actually had the nerve to tell me that if i report him that would be so UNFAIR to him? can u blv that? our so called mutual friends support him so much and want me to go back to him, telling me that if i go to the police, it would be a mishchief on my part....they even tell me that its my responsibilty to take care of him and give him another chance, they tell me oh look he is in such a bad condition, he has lost weight, he is really sorry, and his family keep on calling my family and say good things about their son and portray me as a witch who dared to move out, as a witch who stood against their son, as somebody evil who ruined their son's life....his father told my dad that his son is next to a saint, he does no wrong to anybody....it must be me who is wrong and their son had NO CHOICE except to SLAP me ONCE or TWICE.....they conveniently forget that there is a huge difference between just slapping and giving someone a head injury...my husband punched me right between the eyes, giving me a one inch cut between my eyebrows above my nose, i had a very bad concussion, when my in-laws saw my pictures of that injury, they just commented that well...we dont know what she said or did...it must be soemthing she did, thast why he punched her...and this is only one incident that im mentioning here...i lost hearing of my right ear the first time he hit me and it was so bad that my face looked as if a wild animal had attacked me...i know his reality, i know why he did what he did, but i cant find peace bcoz i see him DAILY at work, walking and talking and acting as if i was just a nobody and he could do all that to me and still get away with it...nobody talks to me anymore in the community, bcoz ive filed for a divorce and in our culture its a social stigma...but i do have some good friends, thank God...they r probably the reason im still sane.... i remember the last time he hit me before i left him...i was aching with pain all over...he had thrown me against walls and on the floor several times, each time grabbing me by my neck and throwing me again here n there...and asking me to get out of the house...after the fight ended, he grew so calm as if nothing is wrong n i was crying and he asked me why was i crying and i told him that i cant move my neck, it hurts...and he replied...WHAT? BUT I DIDNT HIT U THIS TIME....and there was genuine surprise on his face....and i was speechless....he didnot consider throwing me here n there as being violent...thats when i realized that oh my God...he is insane... Now i see him daily...and i have no choice except to face him...n each time i see him, everything plays back in my mind like a film...and the fear of what he will do once he realizes that i went to the police...

Wow...Your story is truly amazing! I give you much credit for leaving although you are stricken with fear. You did what you had to do. The fear I have of what he would do if he found me is almost paralyzing. But I know thta I have to do it. If someone like you who rather face the harsh critism from your community then to tolerate his abusivness can do it. Then I know I can do the same...I remember one time he thought I was talking to other men on the computer and drug me into the room and punched me so hard that my jaw now clicks when I bite down. I think it is permenatly dislocated or something. Everytime I feel it clicks I remember the incident that led to now making that God awful sound. I also have a permenate scar above my lip from where he grabbed my neck and my chain cut my lip deeply.... It really hits home that this is my reality when I sit and type or talk about it... I understand what you mean when you said that he looked suprised because my abuser down plays the situation and gets upset when I wont do the same. I couldnt believe he blamed me for not going to take my placement test which was a day after our last fight....Glasses snapped in half and all... He told me that I was overexaggerating and that I could see...I just wanted sympathy. He told me that I should have popped out the lenses and took them with me to the test!!! How much more embarrased does he want me to feel??? I have already held so much inside but the things that his family knows is embarrasing enough. His family doesnt out right defend him by saying the things that your former abuser does but the fact that they know whats going on and are doing little to stop it speaks volumes. In the book (Why Does He Do That) they made a good point in saying that people who dont say anything about the abuse are condoning it. His aunt does break up the fights (on occasion) but thats it. No real consequences are applied. She still pays his fone bill and talks to him as if he can do no wrong. And the only time that he left the house (which we share with her) is because it was court ordered....Which goes hand in hand why the order of protection was dropped... She was saying that if he were to come back I'd really need to drop it....I'm so ready to be done with all of this I really am.... I too have my days where I'm singing and finding no fault in my days and then there are the dark days when I dont even wanna get outta bed. But I push and push and sooner or later it slightly improves which is what I look for the slight improvements. Talking about my situation and getting rid of some the guilt that consumed me for so long helps a ton... I know I will have the same fear that you do when I leave but I will work through it. A lot of abusers work and thrive off of the shadows of their secrets and rarely do anything in public.....RARELY...but my abuser has "roughed me up outside of a McDonalds because I wasnt following behind like a lap dog....It was so embarrasing.... I dont know... I try not to thing about the bad times because it makes my stay seem longer and less tolerable. But I have to because its my fuel to carry out my plans... I wish you continued safety.. You are in my prayers