BellaOnline Forums Religion and Spirituality Baptist I am Struggling with so much

I feel so left out and lonely. I wonder if any other Christian is going through what I am. I live with my fiancee and we are both believers in Christ. He encourages me to masturbate (and he does as well) because we have agreed to not have sex before marriage. Now, even when I am alone I am tempted and masturbate without any probing from him. I feel so guilty, dirty, and feel that it is not right. I have NEVER shared this before with anyone but feel that this is a safe enough environment to ask of other Christians if they struggle with this too (masturbation, the whole living together thing is something I am trying to get out of).

Is there any Scripture you use to help deter you? Do you have an accountability partner who understands? I can't ask this in church. I can't ask my friends, too embarrassing. Please HELP!

Wow, Sis, you really do ask the tough questions. I applaud you though for your transparency, honesty, and willingness to get answers from God's point of view.

It is a sad commentary to hear that so many Christians are not comfortable enough /safe enough/embarrassment-free enough/loved enough to be able to share real struggles within our churches. Hence, the reason many of us "feel so left out and lonely" is because we cannot find or identify with anyone else who is going through the same struggles that are beating us down. I guarantee that there are probably a high percentage of other Christians who are dealing with the same thing you are, but are too afraid of what others may think of them to reach out for help. So, again thank you for bringing this issue up.

First of all, let's identify the sin. According to the Bible, your sin is fornication. I know that we generally define fornication as sex before marriage (with another person) but fornication means so much more. Let's do a brief word study of fornication. I love word studies it's where we go to the original language in which the Scripture we are studying was written (OT- Hebrew; NT Greek), look at the genre of the text (poetry, narrative, letter, etc.), the context, the content, and the culture to understand the author's intent of his writing (not what the Word means to "me" but what God is saying through the author to communicate to the reader). And, of course this will only whet your appetite and hopefully inspire you to continue to inductively study the Word on your own for this issue and everything else.

The Greek word porneia (which is translated fornication [4202] is an umbrella term for many sexual sins such as: adultery, harlotry, incest, pedophilia, bestiality, or any other sexual restriction that God has placed for mankind to observe. Quite simply, sex and the feelings that go along with sexual stimulation are reserved only for Biblical marriage (Hebrews 13:4, I Corinthians 7:2-4).

This post could easily end up being pages in length, but I am not going to do that. I want you to hear God's voice for yourself in reference to this issue. Here are some Scripture on sexual sin (sexual sin being anything that has to do with lust of the mind and body, defilement of the marital bed, or anything that has to with the sexual organ(s) for the purpose of pleasure seeking). Fornication is found 32 times in the New Testament. I will select a few to help you get started in your study: Matthew 5:32; Romans 1:29-32; I Corinthians 5:1; I Corinthians 6:18; Ephesians 5:3.

I am happy to hear that you are at least thinking about changing your living situation. I could be wrong, but I hear some possible control issues with your boyfriend and the beginning of idolatry (I Corinthians 6:13). I would like to suggest getting connected with your local church in a humbling way and find a female mentor who is strong in the Word, understands and honors confidentiality, mature, and LIVES OUT what she teaches. When dealing with sin, we cannot run away from the church and the community of Believers. We need each other for accountability, growth, and encouragement to do the Will of God.

I hope that I have helped you in some way. Iamabeliever, I will keep you lifted in prayer. May God bless and keep you.

You have helped me. This makes so much sense. I do not want keep going in circles. I want to give God the glory in all that I do. Thank you so much and your prayers are much appreciated.

Well, praise God! You are more thank welcomed.

I live with a nightmare memory that happen when I was 6 years old. I was sexual abuse from ywo family member, a Uncle and my oldest brother. The Christmas Holidays are not so joyful or cherful for me. My first sexual abuse happen on December 24, 1963. Only part is after that I was continuly abused throughout my childhood years. It wasn't un til I became an adult in my late forties that the abuse finally stopped. I do not get excited or look forward to the Christmas Holidays. I have memories of Christmas from Hell. I am 52 years old today.

sadeyes52 - I would STRONGLY urge you to see counseling to help you deal with the abuse you've lived with your entire life. Speaking from my own experience, you must learn how to deal with it and a good counselor will give you the tools to do that. You also must learn to forgive your abusers (yes, yes, I know it's hard - I've been there). Unless we can forgive those who have hurt and abuse us, we cannot expect our Lord and Savior to forgive us of our sins when we go to Him. Please, I beg of you to seek out a counselor you are comfortable with immediately. I will be keeping you in my prayers. I care.

Sadeyes52,
With tears streaming down my eyes, my heart goes out to you. I apologize for not being able to respond sooner, but I want you to know that God has given you the strength to reach out for a reason. This is an important first step especially since the day you reached out was on your birthday. Although your past was painful, I look forward to walking with you through this journey whether directly or indirectly allowing God to strengthen you to joy. Please, share with me what I could do to help you? Thank you, my sister, for your courage, honesty, and willingness to allow God to work in your life. I am committed to praying for you daily and to listen whenever you need me to. With Christmas right around the corner, I know you are going to need strength and support from those who genuinely care. I want you to know that I am here.

No, it isn't, and masturbation is not a sin, as you define it.


You are interpreting this according to your own prejudices, and you are far from correct in this.


Correction:
let's do a factual and accurate study of the word....


Given the age of the original document, and the number of times it has been interpreted, it's hardly surprising this has become distorted and mistranslated to suit the numerous authors' personal views....


Or how the reader chooses to interpret the meaning in order to enable it to conform with their own belief and conditioning....

I hope so too...in an open-minded, unbiased, unprejudiced, uninhibited manner.....



I think it would be extremely beneficial to the OP to broaden her research and view this link too.... and all sub-links therein mentioned.
The link provides an extremely well-rounded, unbiased and scholarly point of view.



This is your interpretation. This is not factually accurate, and is a biased opinion which is not necessarily a true interpretation of what you feel sexual sin, is.



this speaks of the man treating his wife like a useless piece of property to be discarded at whim.
it has nothing to do with masturbation.

The passage in question:

"Romans 1
29 They were filled with all manner of unrighteousness, evil, covetousness, malice. They are full of envy, murder, strife, deceit, maliciousness. They are gossips, 30 slanderers, haters of God, insolent, haughty, boastful, inventors of evil, disobedient to parents, 31 foolish, faithless, heartless, ruthless. 32 Though they know God's decree that those who practice such things deserve to die, they not only do them but give approval to those who practice them".

There is no mention made of fornication, let alone masturbation. This again, is your free interpretation of what you think the OP is doing wrong, but you are really completely awry with your supposition...



The biblical quotation you cite reads as follows:

1 Corinthians 5
Expel the Immoral Brother!

1It is actually reported that there is sexual immorality among you, and of a kind that does not occur even among pagans: A man has his father's wife.

Again, what point are you making, exactly? What has this to do with the OP's concern about masturbation?



"1 Corinthians 6:18
18Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body."]

This is so broadly open to interpretation, it could mean anything. Again, you are airing your own prejudices against masturbation, without any credible foundation at all.



"Ephesians 5:3
3But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God's holy people."

What is immoral or impure about masturbation?
There is nothing here to indicate that this is the sin in question, or that it is even a sin.
To make people believe that masturbation is wrong and sinful, has done more over the centuries to suppress natural sexuality and wholesome appreciation of our own bodies, than anything else.
To lead people to believe that such forms of sexual gratification are wrong, is misguided, damaging, destructive and prejudiced in the extreme.
there is nothing wrong with masturbation. in and of itself.



"Meats for the belly, and the belly for meats: but God shall bring to nought both it and them. But the body is not for fornication, but for the Lord; and the Lord for the body"

This is just ridiculous. This implies that all sex should be dispensed with, and the body given up for God's use only.
What rubbish....

The advice you have given is blinkered and ultimately damaging, in that it simply enforces the OPs impression that she is committing a sin by masturbating.

Her only issue is with repeated and habitual masturbation which is becoming an obsession.
But she is not wrong to masturbate, and neither is she wrong to enjoy it.
Enjoyment of one's body, an appreciation of what an extraordinary mechanism it is, and what pleasure we can both give with it and derive from it, is not a sin.

There is no guilt to be had, no shame to be felt.

I agree, that her BF should not have pressured her into masturbation for his own gratification. I would be more concerned with his attitude to her dignity and self-worth, than I am with her feelings of guilt - which are unfounded and unnecessary.
He is exacerbating the problem.
But he opened her mind to the enjoyment of sex and self-stimulation, and that is not a bad thing.
The Guilt, is the problem here - and she should not be feeling guilty for enjoying her body and the associated feelings she engenders.
To tell her she is being sinful will render her self-conscious, and inhibit her feelings, to the point of frigidity, if this does not cease, and become more balanced.
The answers you have given her, are not from God's point of view. They are yours, and are loaded with bias, prejudice and inhibited and suppressed instinct.
It would be best, iamabeliever, to gain several different points of view, and see whether on the whole people are more open than this.

because this is just one opinion. And I strongly disagree with it.

Inncidentally, I've posted reference to this post both on facebook, and twitter. so I trust you will let it remain and not delete it....

To Alexandra: Keep in mind that words will differ depending on which translation of the Bible one uses. The text you used was not from the KJV, but I believe Dountonia was using the KJV. To us Baptist, self-pleasure (masturbation) is as much a sin as fornication (sex between two unmarried people) or adultry (sex outside the bonds of matrimony). One does not need to get into lengthy word studies to know what God considers a sin. One need only read one's Bible. We were merely reaching out to an individual who has many issues that need to be addressed through professional counseling, not through a forum such as this.

I agree with Kathi, there are issues here that cannot be thorouhly addressed within the context of a forum. Not to mention, there is only one interpretation of the Bible but there are many applications; and based upon one's spiritual maturity and where they are in their walk with God the application may be different from Christian to Christian because God meets us where we are. But, as we grow and understand what God's will is, then the Holy Spirit works in us to sanctify us with the Word and our thoughts, deeds, actions change to become in alignment with God's Will.

Sex within the context of marriage is good. Sex outside of marriage is wrong because the Bible says it is. Although masturbation is not mentioned in the Bible, the act itself defies the original intent of sex as defined by God's word.

I have always found it interesting that the original (or older) definition of masturbation is self abuse. Sex should go beyond the temporary pleasure of body exploration. Is it possible to golify God while masturbating using the Biblical intent for sex? If one is unmarried, where do the images to arouse oneself to the point of stimulation come from? Definitely not your spouse because you do not have one.

When quoting Scripture, the entire context of the verse needs to be taken into consideration. Who? What? When? Where? Why? and How? need to be answered when reading paragraphs of text to gain a better understanding of what GOD intended for the reader. God's word doesn't always agree with what I think. But, if I love Him, I will obey Him.