BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids Pregnancy freaks me out

Thanks for the advice everyone. I have been best friends with my boyfriend for 4 years and dating for a year and a half. we have talked about it but I think he is afraid to say too much because he knows I have nothing nice to say. I went to college and don't want to be a housewife while he goes to work. I like to work too. In fact, I write my boyfriends paychecks. There is so much at risk for me-my job, my free time, my stess level, my priorities etc. He doesn't risk anything-just sits ands waits for the baby to come then goes back to work. He says he will help and I believe him. But unless he can do half of the work for pregnancy, childbirth, breastfeeding etc Im not that interested. If kids were a hobby that you could stop when you were bored or aggrivated then im game but its a life time commitment. I'm not sure men understand whats involved in raising a child-they just see the cute & cuddling child after it's been fed, changed, put down for a nap, and happily playing. I'd like to say that i'd be happy and that they don't require alot of time, energy, and money and it would be worth it but I think we all know the answer to that.

hooray! some of MY people! I have never found anyone I could really say this stuff too. I just feel like birth would be a public rape, all these random people invading a woman. I think it would be humiliating. On the contrary, animal birth seems OK, they just do it themselves, out in nature. The human version seems like a nasty factory procedure with lots of tools and accessories that are not of this earth...

I hear you, birth amounts to public rape, and, as much as I dislike births in animal kingdom too, you are right, by humans it is a lot worse. In no other species, as far as I know, suffers the female so much as in ours. Pregnancy and birth have to be monitored to avert the possible risks that can result, which are, even in 2009, cause of death for millions of women all over the world, or less known, cause of permanent injuries, like the bowel control inability (I don't know the name in English) for the rest of their lives. Not to mention, a woman is so weak after birth, that if the strictest hygiene measures are not met (and that again, happens in a lot of places in the world), she is an easy prey to all kind of infections. World Health Organization estimates that C-sections are necessary in 15% percent of cases. I find that is a lot for a "natural" physiological process, which, by the way it is the only one that hurts (sex, digestion, urinating or defecating are far from painful)
It is a huge evolution joke that our brain got bigger and bigger but not the exit. So much for the "intelligent" design theory. Intelligent my [censored].

When I hear that exactly that is the best thing that can happen to a woman, I am sooooo outraged.

I don't know much about the breeding side of horses, but i do know that mares wait til no one's around before giving birth and that you are supposed to leave well alone or risk upsetting the mare and causing harm to the foal. I saw pictures of my friend's horse having her foal, taken from a nearby house. They were actually quite special, because it all looked so peaceful. It has been nice seeing this mare with her foal. She more or less completely ignores it while it gets on with its foal madness. She also looked as fit as a flee a couple of weeks after the birth. So much easier for horses! Solalux: "intelligent my [censored]". You hit the nail on the head there! :-)

I've been told women "forget" the pain. Which is why they're able to do it over and over again. It's almost like being in denial. They don't think about it much and when they do, it can make the birthing that much worst.

I can't do it. I think my head would implode, seriously. I'm not the healthiest person. Right now I'm fighting off a bacterial infection that came out of no where. I have an immunity problem. I also suffer from clinical depression and I believe I'm bipolar as well although I haven't gotten checked for that.

Also with diabetes and thyroid problems running through my family genes, makes me think that pregnancy might be dangerous for someone like me. I'm lethargic all the time. Even exercise and diet don't seem to help. I'm healthier than I've ever been yet I feel awful most of the time. I could only imagine how a 9 month pregnancy would make me feel. Ughhhh.... How do women do it willingly???

Out of experience, you cannot forget so much pain. Really. It is just not true. Some women say that because they think it is the political thing to say. It is some clich� that someone started saying and spread like a rumor. Some women may have a lower pain threshold than others. I am ready to acknowledge that there are women who don't objectively suffer as much as I did. I guess women who are maternal can, if not forget, put everything in perspective and think it was all worthy an do it again. Maybe, if having a child is the thing you wanted in your life the most, you body helps you react better. But believe me, if a child is the last thing you wanted, and that is the case for a lot more women that society is ready to accept, you cannot forget one bit. Even if everything goes fast and the epidural works (not my case), your body is such a a bloody mess for weeks!

Since I had my child, no mom has dared to tell me that she forgot birth pain. Maybe it is one of those pressure tricks that people with children pull on CFs, to draw them to the other side :-))

and here I thought once one has an epidural... they cannot claim labour pain.... its a whole different world huh!

Aha, so they all have lied to me. Probably so to help convince me to have a baby. Damn them...

The way you described it just made me a bit squeamish. -shudder-

[quote=Crocus]Sounds like you are in a good position with your husband and it's really good you've been clear with him. My bf knows I don't like the idea of children. I've gone on about it at length in other posts :-/ I think I just want him to come out and say "that looks horrible, I would never do that, i don't want you to go through that unless it's what you really want." Instead of "you'll be fine" and "it's only 9 months".[/quote] That is just the point. You took these words from my brain lol. If at least he reacted this way you described, not telling me "you'll be fine" and "but it's worth it". How the f**k can he tell??????

And one more thing. Yesterday, after talking to my friend (a new mommy), I watched a terrible birth film. On this film, a woman was "assisted" by her husband who was rubbing her nipples to stimulate contraction. That was just like a nightmare. Like she was just a factory to produce a baby, without any intimacy. People around and the man with his fingers on her nipples...that was a total shock to me. To me, she lost all her dignity. Like her breast was no longer a very private part of female body. This is so scary.