BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids anyone ever wonder this about working moms?

I have a question I can't ask to anyone in person...lol. My good friend is a stay at home mom. her husband makes under 40,000.Not alot to support 3 people. They live modestly, and my friend thinks nothing of it. She wants to be home with her son. I should also note that they do enjoy yearly vacations. on the other side of the coin I know many working moms who love to complain how they "HAVE TO WORK" yet they are living in homes that are 300,000 have designer everything etc. It makes me wonder how many married moms have to work to survive, and how many have to work to keep up with the jonses? I also wonder why someone would want children only to have them raised by a daycare worker. Let's face it the daycare worker will most likely hear the first words, see their 1st steps..etc.? I always wondered about this stuff, but it would be rude to ask someone. what do you all think?

OK I'll tackle this one lol.
I'm 52, have two kids 17 & 22, and I was a working mom for the first 3 years after my daughter was born.
Things were different in the 80s. I hated trudging off to work every day and leaving my only 1 month old baby at home with a sitter (a nice lady who came to the house) but even though we rented a house in an affordable family-oriented area, we just didn't make enough to pay bills and put something aside to get ahead in life. We were both professionals but not at the point yet of making enough to live evenly moderately well in our area.
And that's the point of my post. It really depends on where you live, not just how. Because you can't control the cost of living in your area much as you'd like to. And here in South Florida it's high.
I stopped working when my daughter was 3, and raised quite a few eyebrows let me tell you. Friends, co-workers and family all thought it was rather extreme. You see, all the women who fought for the right to get out of the kitchen in the first place were happy that such a huge percentage of us moms were working moms. But, I made that choice and looking back it was the right thing to do.

There's lots of reasons why moms work. Money is first and foremost. But, there are plenty out there who love what they do and feel that their happiness is just as important as their child's happiness. I agree with that.

Kids are an awesome blessing, and even with that they do grow up and have their own lives. I know lots of women who gave up careers, shut down businesses and quit jobs to raise kids, and now that the children are 20something they hear from them about once a week, and are left with not much to do.

If you want to stay home with your kids that's great. Just know that you will someday need to find something to fill your life when they kids are on their own. It happens before you know it!

Peace & Health,

Nancy Welker
BellaOnline Yoga Editor

I chose to stay home for the first year, despite the huge number of financial issues it created. I did this for my twins and my third child. My family protested and called me lazy. But I was adamant and eventually they respected me for it. I feel the first year is the most important and I chose to breastfeed all of my babies, which was extremely time consuming and difficult, but well worth the sacrifice for their lifetime of health. My husband supported my decision (for the most part).

I also did that because the cost of childcare was so high that I would've been working just to pay for daycare, a complete waste of time and money when my babies needed me most, so I stayed home. Once they turned a year old and began to wean, the price of childcare went down, their demands went down, and having consistent interaction with peers and other people is highly beneficial for me and for them at a daycare, not to mention that because we were destitute, I HAD to work then. I still work.

We do not make a lot. We live paycheck to paycheck. But we are all happier this way than if I stayed a homemaker. I go crazy inside four walls after a while. Make no mistake, though, that a daycare worker or a babysitter does not ever see my children the way I see them so they don't raise my kids. I have the most influence on them because of our bond. I'm not explaining it well, but when my kids were in daycare, one of the workers said, "Your babies are so quiet and so well-behaved! They are always polite and share, but they hardly say anything!" I was really quiet and then I said, "Are you sure? Are you positive you're talking about MY kids?" The kids I know are loud, screaming, vicious little toy mongers who punch and throw tantrums like demons incarnated over a little toy, sing at the top of their lungs, and laugh all day long. But, yes, she was talking about my kids because that is how they behaved until I showed up and ruined the serene angel qualities.

You are right, though, it is a touchy subject for some mothers. The guilt would be overwhelming...

I have two children and work from home. I don't make a lot of money working from home - could certainly make tons more working outside the home. However, I do feel I should be home for my children who are now 15 and 10 years old.

I've had people give me a hard time about staying home, but I really don't care. I know I liked it when my mom was home when I got home from school and want to be home for my girls, too.

I know a woman that went back to work after her baby turned 6 months old only. She said she needed the money b/c her husband doesn't make enough for the 3 of them. So basically she has no choice but to become a working mother and have her baby raised in a daycare. It breaks my heart to see her spend her time sitting in a desk for 8 hours/5 days a week while she lets strangers take care of and enjoy her adorable baby!

I personally don't want kids, but wonder why anyone would want to have them if they KNOW their partner can't provide enough for them to raise their kid. My mom was home with us and that made a big difference to me. I never had to sit in a daycare...I had the REAL MOM who set out a snack when I walked in the door and was there for me all day, everyday. I fsomething happened at school, she was right there as soon as the day was over. If I was unwell she was there for me, and never pushed me off onto others. I feel bad for kids who don't have that, but I guess they don't know any better.

I was one of those "poor kids" raised by a sitter (there was no daycare back in those days). My parents both worked full-time out of necessity, and we had a wonderful woman help raise us. Her and her husband were like our grandparents, since our own grandparents didn't live in the country. We had the greatest relationship with them and many of my parents' friends had similar babysitters who became part of the family. One friend recently got married, and in addition to her own parents, "mom" and "pop" (their former babysitters) were guests of honour. My sitters unfortunately passed away before my marriage, and they were sadly missed. So I'm a little annoyed when people think it's some tragedy to have someone else watch your kids while you're at work.

When one of my friends chose to stay at home with her child, my mom was really surprised. We talked about how my mom had no choice but to leave us with the sitter and go back to work, but she said even if she had a choice she would have gone back when we were 6 months-1 yr. old. She thinks she would have gone crazy in the house all day with a baby (it makes me think we have something in common even though I clearly don't want kids!)

Most women I know who have chosen to stay at home didn't enjoy their job and couldn't wait to get away from it (this includes my sister-in-law who didn't enjoy teaching and never went back after her kids were born, and the friend I mentioned above, who never went back either). There are definitely some who I wonder how they can pay their bills on one income, but they believe it's better for the kids for them to stay home. Friends who have gone back have done so for money and because they honestly enjoy their job and their professional life is as important to them as taking care of their kids.

I know exactly where you are coming from. I know some mothers personally that decided to have a baby and completely quit their job, even though their husbands weren't nearly making enough to support the lifestyle (home cost, vehicles, needs for baby, etc). And the sad part is that these women act like they're still entitled to spend money frivolously, even though they aren't a breadwinning partner anymore! That disturbs me somewhat -- since I work and make my own money, I don't ask my husband for any and would feel guilty if I ever did.

BTW, my Mom also stayed at home at a time when working moms were at an all-time high. I absolutely loved the fact that my Mom was always there for me. But seeing how she had to give up so much of herself for my brother and me played a hugh part in my decision to not have kids. I knew from the time I was in elementary school that I would desire a career more than a family and that I couldn't have the best of both.

I think it's wise that you know you're career minded and mold your life around that. Some women nowadays seem to pull themselves in so many directions...it's like something HAS to suffer. be it their work, children, or their own sanity.

It sometimes seems like women, and mothers in particular, can't do right for doing wrong. Not having any children I can't really say, but it seems like working and having small children (pre-school) would be very tough and in some cases wouldn't leave you better off financially if that was why you did it. On the other hand, staying at home for any period could leave you high and dry for future employment and finances later on in life. In some countries both parents can take leave for their children and that seems fairer. Just my own opinion, but no matter how you wanted to stay at home with your kids, there is still the reality of having fewer job prospects later in life when they have grown up. I am glad I do not have a strong urge for children, because if I don't have any I will not have to worry personally about this issue, to which there is seemingly no solution.