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Joined: Jun 2009
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Amoeba
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I hope your night is peaceful:) mine has been pretty good! I feel a good sence of relief after a long day! I really agree w/ your last post. I understand too. I have more to say and I will write again tomorrow. Sleep well:) thanks for being here when it matters the most:) HUGS!!!

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Amoeba
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you are not alone:):)

Joined: Sep 2009
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hey, freemenow; hope you're having a great night.... I have been away to Bible Study and now have some stuff to do soon. I enjoy exchanging stuff with you! I am going to be gone much of the day tomorrow; if I don't pop up there bright and early it's probably cuz I have a ton of errands to run. It's my pleasure to chat with you; you are helping me LOTS, too. Hope to be on sometime tomorrow. Have a good one! Lots of HUGS & best of all; GOD'S LOVE!!

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freemenow; haven't heard from you in awhile. Are you doing okay? I nearly always check this site each day; frequently twice a day. I have been thinking about you and praying for all survivors. Post when you can, okay? God's blessings and lots of hugs!!

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Amoeba
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Hi Julie, Ive been kinda ok,thanks so much for thinking of me. It means alot:) I hope youve been good. Ive been thinking of you and everyone here:) The weekends are less private with kids and all. I have this weird pressure in my head. Blood pressure? stress? medicine? allergies? not sure. I dont feel so good. I have an uncle that I love so much who has lymphoma. He is not doing well. Drs said he'd be fine but now my mean mom called my brother tonight and said he is dying. I am gonna go see Uncle Gary tomorrow with my brother. I may run into my parents. I dread the thought. My mom likes to chase me away and then say how Im not around for people. I was always the one there in the past when others were so selfish. Just up until the last year when I got sick. I just cant take it anymore. Now I have to straighten out my head. I have missed Uncle Gary so much and I didnt know he had gone down hill so much. I am sad. He is so sweet. He has stayed away from the mean ones too. Now my mom has been caring for him because she is his sister.I have worried what that was like for him. Poor guy:(. This stinks. He was so good to my grandma. I wish I could have been the one to help him but my mother would have never allowed it and I was in no shape with kids and 2 surgeries. I feel sad and scared tonight. I'd rather be cheering you guys on. This is when I usually want to hide. I Pray for peace, courage and Uncle Gary's comfort! Hugs!

Last edited by freemenow; 10/05/09 11:09 PM.
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Amoeba
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Im afraid I will cry when I see my Uncle. I use to be so strong for people. I use to be able to comfort them. I still can for everyday stuff. But I cant stand the thought of losing my Uncle. He is like me. He has a blue twinkly eyes. We get them from Grandma. They call them smiling eyes. He would never hurt a fly. He has a speech problem and he has never wanted for anything in this world but a roof and a decent meal. I cant stand the thought of him being all skinny. If he is. I know he has an IV. I wish I wouldnt have broke ties with my family while he was sick. I didnt choose this. We actually got sick at the same time. My mom really didnt seem to care about either of us. Now she is gonna say that I didnt care about him. I can hear it now. My sister w/ her ugly angry stare! I hope I can get thru this. Im not even gonna look at them if possible. They scare me and make my head spin.

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Listen, who said you HAVE to be strong for anyone? If I feel like crying, I do. I used to keep it all bottled up because that's what I was taught to do.... And besides, what is it about crying that makes you "weak"? Know what it means? It means you care about someone and you probably don't know what to say; it stands for all kinds of cool things that I could never think of to say anyway. I have heard that crying with someone who is sad is a gift for them. Ever hear the Bible verse; "Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep"? (That's Romans 12:15.) Same thing. Jesus Himself cried when His friend Lazarus died. Of course all of this hurts; you are not to blame for any of it. You happened to be brought into the world in a family that had more "important" things to do than care for children. Same thing happened to me. The whole thing is very overwhelming and extremely scarey. YOU AREN'T doing anything wrong. If you go, do as you feel is best. That's all any of us can do. God bless you, my friend. I am thinking of you and praying for you!! Lots of hugs & love!!

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Gecko
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freemenow,
How are you doing today? Were you able to go visit your uncle? Please let us know how you are doing. I understand the pain you must be going through right now and wish I could be there to give you a hug in person. It's ok to cry. Crying doesn't make us weak. I remember how every time I cried, my parents told me to stop crying or they would give me something to cry about. Crying just wasn't allowed in our home. So, I understand how difficult it can be to allow ourselves to cry. Please know that crying is healthy. It's normal. Be gentle with yourself and take everything in baby steps.

I hope you are doing okay tonight.



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Gecko
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Julie1957,
"...crying with someone who is sad is a gift for them."
What a beautiful way to look at crying. I think that's certainly true!

Joined: Jun 2009
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Amoeba
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thank you for your support! it helped give me courage and strength today. my uncle looked better and worse than i expected. I held his hand and told him how much i loved him and he told me. i cleaned his little apt. and went to the store for him. we visited with my brother. i took his laundry home and will take it back to him tomorrow. because of God and counceling and you guys and my brother even my uncles loving smiling eyes I can face what i need to face for today. i didnt see my parents but my mom did call. something about my uncles laundry needing to be washed in hot water. i just said ok thanks and good bye. i can do some good in this world and not hide. i did some crying today but not when i saw my uncle because he has hope and that gave me some and then i gave him some more!!!! :):)my mom told my bro 2 mo. but my uncle said 2 yrs. i dont know but we have today and i will help him all i can. i dont feel afraid today! it feels good! thank you so much for helping me along the way! HUGS and much love to you all:)Say a prayer for Uncle Gary because he has a mountain to climb. He helped me realize that mine are just hills. Its in giving that we receive. I must not stop being my authentic self while hiding from those who want to oppress me. Im so glad I was brave today!!!

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