BellaOnline Forums Family Child Abuse Hi everyone! I'm new here & I also need help

MySonNeedsHelp,
I'm so happy that your son is now safely with you. Please remember, during this time, to document everything for court purposes. Will you still be filing for a restraining order? Continue to stand strong! You are doing an awesome job of protecting your son!

earthmother purplesky,
First, I want to welcome you to the forum! Thank you for sharing your story and encouraging others. You are right in that times are different now and a parent that does not go through the courts, but just takes the child away can actually face very strong repercussions from the court, including losing custody. Again, welcome!

Thank you for telling me your story. I'm not fleeing the State of Florida just yet. We are just going to visit my mom out-of-state. I don't want to do anything that will jeopardize our safety. I had to take my son to the Family Justice Center here in Tampa yesterday because the abuse was escalating because I had possession of my son. I was (and am) scared out of my wits. The justice center people were great - they helped us file an injunction for protection which was approved late today. They talked to my son about the sexual misconduct his father did to him and reported it to the child abuse hotline. The sheriff and the Child Protection Investigator came to my home last night and spoke with me and my son at length. I reminded my son to tell the truth and just the truth - nothing else. But, the sexual misconduct happened 7 months ago and there isn't any physical evidence. It is my son's word against his father's word. What happens in a case like that? Nothing? My son says it happened and will take a lie detector test to prove it and my ex said it never happened. The authorities have only my son's story - no physical evidence. Can you all give me some feedback on that? Also, the deputy responded because he is more worried about the domestic violence towards me. I told them the truth and gave them the history. Then, this morning, the deputies asked my ex about the sexual misconduct, of course he said I was brainwashing the child and it never happened and then he said he was coming to pick up his son. I guess the deputies told him not to, but this abuser packs up his girlfriend in her car and comes to my house this morning! OMG!! He parked the car on the street, he stood up against the car looking like a homicidal mad man with his arm crossed and his face beet red and he sends this lady to the door of my house to knock. My son and I are scared to death, my husband was asleep and we didn't answer the door. Then, it got quiet like almost immediately and we peeked out the window and we see my ex speeding off in their car and a deputy coming up the street. The deputy never knocked on our door - he just sat out front for a while, writing something down. We are thinking that they told my ex not to come to my home to "get his child" and they had a sense from his reaction that he would try something, so they sent a deputy to check and sure enough, they saw him him here. I'm still petrified - I have a hearing on 7/27 to see if they will extend the injunction. I'm scared to wits end to even go in that courtroom with him there. I sent my son to his sister's house (she's 25 with 3 kids) and he's having a blast there. I don't want him here where bad things could happen. We are leaving for vacation on Thursday, so hopefully, we can get some peace. Your posts are really helping me cope and giving me the strength to go on in this, although I am very scared. Thanks again.

You are doing all the right things. Unfortuantely, I also experienced something similar with my son. He was physically abused by his father and when I called the police, there were no bruises evident because it had just happened. So, thenext day, when the bruises showed up, I took him to the pediatrician who then documented everything. When it came time to go to court, my abusers attorney convinced the judge to throw everything out as hearsay because I couldn't afford to pay the dr. to attend the hearing. So, I do understand what you are going through. My abuser also denied hurting our son, instead, he said he was just 'playing' with him and got a little rough. Your ex-husband will probably continue to deny hurting your son. That is typical behavior for an abuser.

Continue to document everything. Continue to talk to the professionals and make sure they are documenting everything. You have the help of professionals now, so that is a major plus for you and your son. The fact that the police saw him at your house, with an injunction in place, is also a good thing because that officer can document what he saw. This will all help you in court.

Make sure that your ex-husband does not know where your son is at, for his safety. Please be extra cautious for your own safety as well. This is the most dangerous time for you, since you are now reporting the abuse and people are listening. Trust me, your abuser will become very angry. So, please be very careful. If you hear any strange noises at your home, don't be afraid to call the police to report it. Please come up with one word, a special code word, so that if your abuser shows up at your door again, you can call your neighbor and just say the one word. This will eliminate the need for you to be on the phone for a long time, which would possibly tip off your abuser that you are calling for help. Instead, your neighbor or your friend can call the police to alert them. Should he show up at your door again and you are alone, do not go into a room where you could potentially be backed up against the wall or where there are knives around. Instead, try to go into a room that has a locked door with a window in it in case you need to escape. I know this might sound very scary, but this is a dangerous time, from what you are sharing. Please be careful.

Above all, please be careful. You are all in my thoughts and prayers.

My son was 7 1/2 months old when I fled, so he couldn't really tell what his father had done to him. The pediatrician did make some notes mostly about my son's psychological state. He was having night terrors. I really worked with the social worker who came to do the social study. My attorney also had the courts appoint him an attorney ad litem to fight for my son's rights. These were all important resources for me. Do you have a video camera? I was thinking a video of the ex standing beside the car with the negative body language could help IF you could shoot it without him knowing. Otherwise, it could set him off. Besides, it would also document that he was there if the police do not show up to document it for you. The code words kelldeister mentioned are important, and it is especially vital to also give code words to your son for emergencies. He might never dream that someone might make up a story about your being injured or something. It was the 80s, but I was warned by my attorney NOT to leave him with anyone because if he wasn't with me, he might be able to legally pick him up. Please don't underestimate your ex. He sounds extremely dangerous. Mine was too, but he was afraid of my father, and I went to live with my parents. It helped a bit that my dad had 20 years in law enforcement. Now is the time to think about all of the resources you have (even regarding friends and family). Since I was living in my parents home, my son was considered at home if I left him there. My ex couldn't pick him up from that location, and he didn't have the courage to try. Also, please do not underestimate the damage this man can do to your son. My own son didn't see his natural father between the ages of 8 months old (when I almost returned 2 1/2 weeks after leaving him) until he was 18. I never spoke of his father and didn't tell my son any of the things his father did. I figured if I did my job correctly, he would have good judgement whenever he might meet him as an adult. (He did. He realized what he was after the 2nd meeting with him.) In spite of his natural father's absence from his life, my son, a fiction writer, wrote a short story when he was in junior high which detailed one of the times his father had beaten me and shoved me into the wall with my son in my arms banging my son's head into the wall. Now that he is an adult, we have spoken about the story, and he believed it had come from his imagination, but somewhere in his psyche, he knew this story. Keep doing what you are doing.

"It was the 80s, but I was warned by my attorney NOT to leave him with anyone because if he wasn't with me, he might be able to legally pick him up."

Even now this is a valid concern. Without a restraining order, a court order for supervised visits, or a court order that dictates the father cannot pick up the child, the father can pick up your child from any location and the police cannot do anything to stop him from doing so.