BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids I need to tell you this

Hi, I am so shocked, that I need to tell you about this. About a week ago I wrote 1 question on a forum, that is for everything - family, doctors, free time... The question was: If anybody else has decided not ot have children and if they also have so many problems with other people. There was 1 answer and this one was (from the moderator): "move away,meet new people and never talk about this again with people around you. This is not for everybody s ears.I hope I have helped you" I really do not know what to think about this. Something is very wrong. Sometimes I have a feeling that we are living in middle age or something. And we are seriously thinking about leaving the country, but what if everywhere will be the same? Bye, Barbara

Barbara,

I sincerely hope that your question wasn't asked (and answered) here on BellaOnline in that way!

There is a growing number of couples that are choosing to remain child-free; both through choice and through circumstance.

I have children, but we have several couple-friends who don't.

When we entertain we tend to flip-flop on our parties. One will be with kiddos, the next will be withou - so we can spend some time with the adults only and our child-free friends CAN feel comfortable at our home.

Don't give up, and don't feel forced to move just because one person on the internet gave you very questionable advice.

The thing is, the stupid things people say can only get to you if you let it get to you. I know sometimes it's hard, but it's what must be done. If you paid attention to what everyone ever said to you or about you, you'd go insane. People always have something to say. It's in our nature. People will always pass judgment, whether it be because you choose to live a child free lifestyle or any other choice you make in life. But when it comes down to it, who really gives a damn? It's YOUR life. Live it. It doesn't matter if the entire world shuns you and thinks you're making a mistake. Let them. Really, those who truly love you will love you regardless. And those who seek your companionship will accept you for all that you are. Appreciate those who continue to be in your life and screw everyone else.

You've said nothing wrong. You've only stated that you don't want children and asked if others find difficulties with those around them. Who is that twit of a moderator to decide what is for someone's ears and what is not?

Sounds like he or she has personal issues with the childfree, but that's not YOUR problem.

People always pass judgement. If you have a child you get judged every time your child misbehaves. If you breastfeed people tut about making a public display. If you bottle feed people tut that you aren't breastfeeding. If you have one child you are judged for bringing up your child to be "lonely". If you have more than one child you are judged for using up the earth's resources. If you don't have children then you are judged for not being more maternal or paternal.

Bottom line: some people have so little in their lives that the only thing that gives them pleasure is bringing others down. You are good enough and can hold up your head with pride wherever you live. How you wish to live your life is nobody else's concern.

barb40, UNBELIEVABLE. What country are you living? Although online forums have not nationality really, it could come from anywhere

Hi, I thought in a country which is of EU, modern, open minded, but after this I have been asking myself the same question. There are always some idiots on forums, but I am shocked, that no one else said anything.

Heck, I'm african and I don't agree with that post. I guess pricks live everywhere. Don;t be bothered by it. Maybe the moderater didn't understand your post. Its a shame, just as well you came back to get clarity. This forum is usually very suportive and encouraging... and usually when an inapporpriate poster infiltrates the forum, the post is dealt with chop Chop. Take heart. You are just fine as you are. I agree with Kalinka.... its your life.

As far as people being intrusive about your child free lifestyle, everywhere else is the same unfortunately. It's just something that really isn't understood and everywhere you turn, there will be those who will choose to scrutinize you for your decision. I suggest you move on from toxic people who are insecure and inconsiderate and find yourself friends who are welcoming, warm and understanding :)

Europe - ha. I don't know... I am currently living in Germany. I have been living here for years, I have one child. It's terrible here - no help from the people, kindergarten - no thanks -, almost no money from the stat either, just pressure... no thanks.
It said to be better in other European countries. Germany is the worst place for children to grow up, it is said. Maybe. I don't know - but I would not be surprised if this was/is true.

I have been in Haiti - yes, Haiti! no Europe... - with my child when he was still very small. It was completely different. Everybody helps. Everybody cares. There is alwasy someone to watch the child.

In germany - the contrary.


As to the question asked: there are people who psychologically suppress their own feelings about children - namely: too much work, no freedom, or at least not enough freedom any more, and so on, and so on. So it's a kind of envying people WITHOUT children - because these people seem not to be "trapped" in that children-no-freedom-situation.

I totally agree about Germany, the pressure to have kids is just as big as anywhere else and then, the day care system for kids under 3 is almost non existent. Women with kids are forced to give up their careers for at least 3 years, and those who don't are frowned upon.
Funny, coming from Spain, i thought that countries in the north of Europe would be better in this field. Germany is really good, when it comes to men sharing responsabilities, but when it comes to people (especially women of course) with children, it is a lot worse.