BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids An 18 year commitment? I don't think so.

It's not an eighteen year contract to have a kid anymore, I agree. I just want to tell everyone about my family's situation before I moved out when I was married.

I just was married, so I was 20 when I moved out. I paid for my own groceries (more of my decision, since I was the only vegan in the household) and have worked since I was 14, and have owned a business since I was 15. Although this doesn't make an extra two years a good thing, I was making my own life take direction, and I wanted out of that house more than my parents wanted me to leave.

My older brother is 24 now and lives at home. He has some mental issues such as depression, ADD, ADHD, Tourette's Syndrome, and some physical health ailments as well. He has not worked since he was 18, and he receives disability checks because of his mental/physical ailments. I love my brother to pieces, but he is able to work. He is able to start building his life, but I think he feels fine in his current situation and sees no reason to change.

Not only is supporting my brother financially daunting, but it causes so many fights between my parents. My mom still babies him while my father is the one who believes he should be working and making his way out of the house. My brother has also "invited" others into their home: a girlfriend, a friend that we had supported years ago when he was in high school, and his wife and two little kids. My dad and my brother's friend and wife are the only people that work in the house.

I feel horrible for my dad especially, because back when my brother was a baby, he was most likely NOT imagining that things would be as they are today.

In response to Andso?, I want to say that some people give in to pressure extremely easily...call them weak-minded, indecisive, or ignorant, but many people listen to others say all the biased stuff that they do: "It's different when it's yours," "you'll never know the love of a child", yadda yadda. Some believe it, have the kid, then...wait, nobody told me about all this!

There's too much individuality within people's personalities and belief systems to be able to boil all people down to the same category or even figure out why some people do what they do. It's a shame that popping out kids is so easy, because then you have that 18+ year contract that says you are a parent. It's so easy to make kids, but then when you have them it's not that easy to raise them and certainly not easy to be rid of them at the end of 18 years.

I agree with you that it's mind boggling to see people give into pressure on something so immense in importance. But it happens, and I'm just happy I realized exactly what I wanted--child freedom--back when I still was one.

Its always encouraging to see so much compassion... sometimes I lack it, but I know its a virtue. I have needed compassion during hard times, and I know I should know better than to say such stuff. I see what you are saying, I just wish that things could be different... so much heartache would be avoided.

A lot of heartache could be avoided if everyone decided, for sure, whether or not they wanted kids before they had the chance to. I completely agree. It is heartbreaking for the parents and then the kids who grow up supported by the people who don't want them any longer or have more complaints than good things in mind.

Unfortunately, society makes it seem as if having kids is the normal thing to do. And although child-freedom isn't weird, it certaintly isn't "normal." Some people just don't think about the choices they could make; instead they see everyone around them having kids and the question is not "should I?" but "when and what should be their names?"

Kids are one of those trends...you see someone have one, and if you think it's cute, you probably will want one. But unlike other trends, you see it, you have it, then you have 18 years where you can't be without it and you have to take care of it. For the people who have kids without thinking twice, both the parents and the kids suffer because there is a lack of passion for their relationship.

Andso?, I worked with a woman my age (20 years) who had two kids. As soon as she said she had two kids, she added, "I don't really have a life anymore. If I could do it over again...I'd wait longer. A lot longer." She mentioned that her and her boyfriend's kids were THE subject of conversation around the house. She hated her new lifestyle, and I felt truly sorry for her. Having those kids is a decision that will last for over eighteen years, and as her newest kid is less than a year old, she has a LONG way to go. If she feels the way she does at 20, imagine how she'll feel at 38, when the kids are finally old enough to kick out.

I wish parenting wasn't so glamorized...but it is, and because of that there are a lot of unhappy parents. It's sad to see it, but it's a good thing we all avoided it.