BellaOnline Forums Family Child Abuse Is this abuse or neglect to you?

You know, there are other avenues to consider. You might talk to a local reporter. As a former journalist, I'd be interested in following a story about the many types of abuse and where the system is succeeding and failing children.

A story would put some pressure on the school and the CPS to step up the investigation.

Unfortunately, things have to be really serious before anyone will do anything. The spankings and yellings, for example, while horrible and wrong, still fall into a vague area. Parents claim they need to have some control in order to discipline a child. The withholding of food is wrong but the child has to be starving before she will get pulled out of the home. Even then, the parent will just get ordered to go to parenting and nutrition classes.

You could go back to court to fight for custody and get a lawyer. Find a lawyer who will take the case pro bono. It could help his career if this becomes newsworthy and ground-breaking in the area of child abuse.

Please be very careful about notifying the media, without significant evidence that abuse is occuring. While talking to the media about abuse in general, you might not want to give any names or incidents of concern. Just my thoughts.

Kelli is right. Sorry. My first instinct is to use the press when possible--only because I used to write for newspapers! The power of the press is real.

The newspaper can't use any real names in this case without running the risk of being sued. Underage kids' names are out. I just thought that it would make a nice article about marginal abuse situations. But I was thinking about things from the press perspective.

Forget what I said!!!

Kelli, what recourse does she have? Are kids destined to suffer like this with poor parenting and borderline abuse?

Hi
As a school counsellor myself I know that each session has to be recorded and logged so hopefully your SD concerns will be noted somewhere. Parents through all sorts of complicated reasons do not respond to the needs of their children. There are mental health issues be raised here, so keep records and act softly softly. I know here in England there can be an ethos to keep the family together until all else fails. Hopefully more than one agency is working with the family. I wonder if a family conference will be made at some point. Keep the SD's need at the front of your mind. So plenty of love and encouragment when she is with you. A nice warm bedroom and some good wholesome food beings served to her so you know there are times when she is eating well. Keep a balance in this child's life. Its strange all a child wants sometimes is there parent's love and time. Which is the very thing a parent cannot offer. Keep calm you are doing so well. Clear thinking will bring the whole family through this situation

Lori, I don't discount the media completely. I understand what you are saying and if she were to speak to the media, in general, regarding child abuse and the fact that the system is failing countless children, then it would be okay. She just wouldn't want to name names. It would have to be completely generic in nature.

As far as what recourse she has, unfortunately it seems like she is doing the very best that one can do. She has reported it to CPS and many times they take quite awhile to investigate claims. Perhaps because they are overloaded with cases. I advocate having a 'voice!' That means contact whoever you can to obtain help. Write a letter to the school counselor with what her SD is enduring. This way it will be on record. The counselor must then look into the allegations. The more documentation, the better. Again, she needs to have a 'voice' in all of this.

It is difficult though, because should word get back to the other set of parents, they might withhold visitation for the step mother and the child's father. However, the child's father does have every right to notify professionals what is happening with his child. He, out of concern, should do just that. It may be taken more seriously if he does just that. I'm not trying to offend. However, should the child's father step in and file for custody, after taking some time to document everything in question, then he may stand a chance of winning.

Is there a local agency that deals with situations like this? In Hawaii, there is a local agency called Parents and Children Together. They are there specifically for the children and help to ensure the safety of the children involved. They also help the parents of the children with what is appropriate and inappropriate. They also counsel both the children and the parents, when requested. I would check into your local agencies and see if you have some kind of agency such as PACT.

Please do keep in touch with us.

Another thing you may want to try is to contact the family court and explain the situation. They may suggest you request an emergency custody hearing and then you could explain all this to the judge without the other parent present first. You can explain it isn't a situation of imminent danger to the child, but you didn't know where else to turn. Explain how you want to get the child into counseling and get her help without angering the other parent and causing the child to be punished. Mention that you have spoken with CPS several times and are frustrated that they haven't taken the matter seriously. The court may suggest a mediator, rather than a custody hearing. Then again the judge may grant you and your husband temporary emergency custody of your SD. You never know, it can't hurt to ask and inquire with the family court! A child doesn't necessarily have to be 13 to decide which parent they want to live with. The judge will often speak to them before then and make a decision based upon what the child has told them! Note that all states are not the same and it depends who answers the phone at the courthouse, you may get one of those wonderful people who repeatedly tells you they can't give you legal advice, no matter what you ask for a question. Also you may be elligible for a grant to help with the cost of legal fees, which I recently learned about myself. I'll be praying for your SD and hoping all works out for the best.

Please keep trying and please get legal help! I was abused for 18 years and my parents still try and I am 31. You can make your SD's next nine years so much better than the first 9! I wish I had known the law. My parents threatened me against getting help. If I had known anything I would have attempted emancipation or placement in a foster home.