BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids Accidentally (maybe) bingoed at work!

Dear Michelle,

You might be looking for something a little too hard. I never said the women here need [pshoanalysis]. Do not attempt to put something where it isn't, this is a WRITEN forum and it is very easy to go get the EXACT quote
I did, however, suggest to SisterDino that if she could not find a reason on her own of why she was so over-reative and defensive to an innocent question (not asked from malice)- that she may want to see a "Psychoanylist" to advise her.
Sorry,
-CzarinaOz-

Also there is no need to make fun of a simple typo.

I know how to spell psychoanalysis, but am in need of getting my nails redone (a LOT shorter) and so am typing with the tips of nails instead of my fingertips. So sometimes I miss letters when I type quickly.

A psychoanalyst (which is the correct spelling) would provide psychoanalysis to a person, so I do not see how my comment was not accurate.

Hi Michelle,

In my first post on this topic I mentioned that I knew how defensive the women here were on this issue. I said "I see how defensive everyone here is on this topic".
Then I went on to say that I thought the poster was beyond "defensive." The quote: "You are too defensive."
(emphasis added)
Then I suggested that she think about why she is so over-defensive, and if she could not come to an answer that she might try a Psychoanalyst: "If you cannot explain why you reacted in such a way, then I advise a Psychoanalyst who can help you find an answer."(corrected spelling)

What you said to me was: "It is rather insensitive of you to come into this community (which is stated up front as a support group for people who do not want children) and start saying that the women here need psychoanalysis." (corrected spelling)

I made a suggestion to a single human - not some collective group of "women." She is her own person and my 'mention' was for her alone, since her reaction at that time was not reasonable.

It would have ONLY been reasonable if she was unable to have children and wished she could. At that point, tears would be appropriate. Since she doesn't want children, the mention of them should not cause her to cry. She may be identifying to only that aspect of her life - when she asks herself "Who Am I?" she may be saying "The Woman Who Doesn't Want Children." Peroid. Otherwise to make it such a big thing in her life is not healthy (in my opinion anyway, I am not qualified to give expert advice, and I am not sure I am being clear to what I mean)
I will try later to be more clear.
-CzarinaOz-

I apologize for coming at you so aggressively. I see that you are new to these boards, and so have no way of knowing the drama/trauma that the MNK board has been through in the past several months.

For quite a while this particular forum (MNK) was a very hot button subject. People that wished to be childfree wanted to come here and talk about their decision and commiserate about the fact that many of them are harrassed or "bingoed" by family, friends, coworkers and sometimes even strangers. But then they were often attacked or wheedled on their "home ground". So we changed the groung rules.

We at BellaOnline have done our best to make the MNK forum a safe haven for those that have made this decision so that they can come in here and feel support.

When you said that seemed like an opening to start yet another argument on these boards. I and several of the other moderators have gotten quite pro-active at heading off those arguments.

I apologize that it seemed harsh, and I sincerely apologize for being snarky about the spelling comments. That was just me being juvenile.

Michelle,
Believe it or not the same is given towards those who "have too many children."
I am from a Traditional Catholic family of 7 children and both my parents had 9 siblings. Most of my friends have over 7 children. My closest friend is on her 10th, due in Feb.
They are actually accosted by strangers when they are in public with comments like: "How dare you have so many children!" "Don't you know when to stop?" etc.

What is a bit funny: they were saying that to them when they were on #3!

Bottom Line: The amount of children you have or don't have is not what God will judge you on, so "correction" is not needed.

Wow. This got SO out of hand.

First of all, I did not overreact. I reacted completely appropriately at the suggestion that I was pregnant by someone I THOUGHT knew how it would make me feel. Most of my friends know that pregnancy is one of the most devastating things that could happen in my life, and are kind enough to respect my choice to not have kids.

If you take a look at what I ACTUALLY said, I never cried. That WOULD have been overreacting, I agree. But I actually was laughing when I went to talk to Brenda about it. She was shocked that Carrie would say such a thing, too. The e-mail �

"What happened to [Sister Dino] in the break room Wednesday afternoon? She came back crying, very upset and said something about Carrie said something but I couldn't make it out because she was sobbing so much. I didn't want to bring it up again after she calmed down because I didn't want her to cry again. What in the world is going on?"

� was designed to make Carrie realize that what she said was unacceptable. I was not actually crying, I was not actually sobbing. I think maybe you misread the original post and thought that I was.

Michelle hit the nail right on the head: People in my position get bugged about this ALL the time by ALL kinds of acquaintances. If I have news, I must be pregnant. Not feeling well? Must be pregnant. Gained some weight? Must have a bun in the oven. It's so ridiculous the personal comments people make. God forbid I should be happy with who I am and where I am in life. WHY IS IT that the ONLY possible good news someone could have is that they are pregnant?????

I feel like I can no longer let the comments slide. People should be made aware of how their comments can be hurtful or stressful.

And I very much resent the comment that I may need psychological help. So much for this being a safe place to discuss my lifestyle.

By the way, Czarina, I have to ask, what brought you to this forum in the first place?

I was wondering that too!

SisterDino- I feel your pain! I get sick of these comments, too. I try not to mention it to co-workers if I AM feeling nauseous anymore, esp. in the morning.

I know what you mean... It's sad that we have to be reduced to that!

You're not kidding. I once woke up with terrible dizziness that almost brought me to the floor. I was able to steady myself enough to go to work, but I was genuinely alarmed about what this could be. When I mentioned it to a group of people at work, of course they all jumped on me and suggested I must be pregnant. As if I weren't frightened enough already, the thought that I could be pregnant horrified me even more. It turned out to be nothing more than an ear infection, but it has always annoyed me that those people made such wild inferences rather than considering a more logical "diagnosis."