BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids new moms

I felt compelled to respond to this, although my list of annoying new mom characteristics would probably fill a book!

Definitely the thing I hate the most is how much new moms (and this can stretch to the preschool age) whine about lack of sleep, work/life conflicts, how their husband never helps out with the baby, how they want their old bodies back, and how I should run out this minute and get pregnant because "it changes your whole perspective on life." No sh*t...and it also reinforces childfree perceptions that having kids is not something we're missing out on!

It's also amazing to me how crazy you have to be to think having kids is easy. One of my friends, who has a one-year-old, was just complaining about how difficult it was. I chimed in, "Well, no one thinks it's going to be easy," and she said "I did!" When I asked her why, she said she always thought that her experience would be different than other women's...like, "Maybe Annie or Laura has problems with her baby but it would be different if I had my own."

Denial is obviously very powerful!

I guess denial keep us procreating, lol.

That�s so much bullshit, I had an unwanted (from me, my husband really wanted one) child, and I miss my child-free existence everyday. I don't understand the world one bit better, and life makes even less sense to me than before. My tragedy, most people writing in this forums, at least the ones I relate to the most remain child free. Is there anyone out there who gave up, had a child and now can tell everybody "I was right"?? Life is better without children!! Motherhood is such a rip-off!!!!!!

Correct me if I'm wrong, but don't they just become selfish the minute they become pregnant. I am sure its a natural instinct to protect their young, but they just because really selfish. EVERYTHING revolves around them

Having children is just as selfish as not having them. Because most people do what suits them and that's OK. People who want children, want somebody to love and be loved, they want somebody who looks likes them, they want to secure a little company when they get old, they think children are cute and funny (like puppies, they never think that the cuteness wears off as they hit their teens). They even want to feel they leave something behind when they die. I never heard a genuine non-selfish reason to have children. Of course they give up things (like holidays and eating out and having time for yourself) but people who have children don't think much of these things, or they think they are worth giving up for the pleasure of having a child, so it is again self centered.

the thing that bugs me is when they have 4 or 5 kids and say, "i just don't feel complete yet." yikes! i think the kids aren't completing them like they want them to. but that's why they're having kids. they think it will make them feel complete. instead of finding what would really work, they keep having kids thinking it will feel some void.

actually, that might just be a lot of the moms i know.

new moms in general? they tell me i just don't understand and that i'll never get it. that i'll never really understand God's love unless i have a child. totally burns me. and i'm also expected to cover for them at work while they're on maternity leave or while they're getting their kid from daycare because the kid is sick or whatever.

I think anyone that is looking for another person to "feel complete" is never going to feel complete. That is whether we are talking having kids, getting married, having sex, whatever.

A person needs to look to herself and see what is missing to feel complete.

A lot of moms miss this. We get so caught up in our "mother" role, that we los the identity of who we are as an individual. But I was just having this discussion with a friend who is going through a divorce, too. I was encouraging her to keep her hobbies going during the divorce proceedings, because these are parts of her that have nothing to do with being a couple. They are things that help define her as an individual instead of as a "wife".

We all need to know who we are as a person without having to rely on other people. Our relationships with others are just extra strengths and nice bonuses.

i agree. when i got divorced, i'd always been "jeff's wife." i never had an identity of my own. i had a career, yes, but as soon as i was done at work, i was at home being a wife. everything i ever wanted to do was put on hold for 14 years as i put him through law school, helped him start his practice, etc. i did everything for him, but nothing for me. and once it was just me, it was very scary. i had to learn who i really was. encourage your friend (push her if you have to) to find who she is. what kind of woman does she want to be. and go for it. and remind her to continue to be her own person in her future relationships too.

my mantra now is by the grace of God, i am a strong, courageous, trusting, happy woman. and i really am. i'm my own woman with my own hopes and dreams. and that's pretty cool. your friend will eventually find herself, but it's a long and painful process. it's definitely worth it though.

and back to the topic, one more thing that bugs me is the labor stories. i'm so thrilled you did that, but please don't tell me all about it. i have a very good imagination and visualize stuff really well. to the point that i pass out because i get so freaked out. so when someone at work or a friend has a baby, and they start talking about the labor, i have to ask them to stop, or if i'm able to leave the conversation, i do. it's awful. once a nurse was telling me about my mom's shunt (mom had brain surgery), and when she described what it was supposed to do, i passed out right there in the hallway at the hospital. so hearing the stories about childbirth are a bit much for me. and to think i actually wanted to go back and get a second degree in nursing. yikes!

I soooo agree with you! Is nothing private?

How about how they suddenly lose interest in all their other hobbies, activities, etc. Again, I expect this to happen for the first few years, but after the kid is in school, get over yourself and go see a movie. I really do not understand the people who can't even leave their baby for an hour or two to have dinner with a friend. Get over yourself, your husband can manage!

One more (God I really could write these forever) is the redefining of womanhood, like I'll never know what it's like to be a real woman since I'm missing out on the "miracle of childbirth." Last time I checked, we were born women...we don't become them upon insemination.