BellaOnline Forums Relationships Single Life What does this guy want from me? Guys answer too.

I met this guy; I was instantly attracted to him. I just admired him from a distance though. He started flirting with me (in retrospect maybe he was just responding to the way I acted around him). We hooked up after a few months and it was absolutely superb. I totally fell in love with this guy, yes head over heals, looking to go off into the sunset type of love.

In getting to know him better, I have come to realize that he spends countless hours hanging with his friends and has little or no time for a relationship.

I started pulling back from the relationship; I assumed that was what he wanted, or what was best for me. Whenever we do talk he complains that I do not have any time for him and I do not really like him. This is so far from the truth.

The problem is whenever he convinces me that we should spend time together; he goes off with his friends and makes silly excuses.

His behaviour is confusing me, I really don�t think he is interested in me, but he keeps saying otherwise and tries to blame me for things not working between us.

It's what he does, not what he says.

jone, just want to welcome you to the forum, hope that you enjoy your stay, much luck to you!
Rosie

I would go about my own business and if he's interested he will call you... you've done your part!

I've been through this kind of thing again & again. You make a date and then when it's time for the date the excuses come.

Don't accept his crumbs - you are being used. You can certainly do better. Here are two phrases I've used to help me decide if a guy was truly interested in me...

"He's not that into you." Yes, it a book title. Never read the book, but if a guy is really interested in you he'd make sure you knew it.

"Wild horses wouldn't be able to drag him away." A guy who is truly interested wouldn't be pulled away from you by his friends or anything else.

He's obviously "not that into you" and he's dragged away by his friends. Go find someone else who will give you the attention you deserve and treat you properly.

A few years ago I decided to not accept crumbs & I now have a wonderful fiance who tells his friends that he's on a long distance phone call (the phone call costs nothing to either of us) with his fiancee when they call & we are on the phone. LOL He's putting me before his friends. Also, I don't have to demand any attention from him - something you shouldn't have to do, your man should want to give you attention not be forced into it

He is, without a doubt, playing headgames with you. This is typical behavior of an immature man who is already showing tendencies of an emotional abuser. He is stringing you along just in case he doesn't have a date (or sex partner) when he wants one. Please don't fall for it.

HI,
Everyone who posted before I did gave you some wonderful advise. I am not clear about what you meant about hooking up in a few months? It does take time to get to know someone. If hooking up is going to bed right away, that might be all that he wanted from you. I have to say that I agree with Jeanne 100%! Please do not settle for crumbs. This is what I tell my own daugther.

Yes, if a man is into you & really cares for you, you don't have to worry about it so much. It is the actions that count. People can say what ever they want. But it is what they do. There are many nice men who will be there for you. Don't waste any more of your time & thoughts on this immature person. You deserve much better treatment than this. Also, take the time to get to know a man before you jump into anything real serious. It does take time to get to know someone. Some men & women can put on a good act at first. Don't bother with him at all. Good luck to you, Judy K. Chicago.

Sounds like he is with you just for sex. You are one of many. You didnt give yourself a chance to get to know this man. It's ok. We all make quick judgements. Back away. Do not have anymore sex with him. Realize the power you have. Don't keep giving it away. Act like it's all about you. When you back away, that's when they want more. Then you cut him off or demand a commitment before you go any further, then wait several weeks to have sex again. If he withstands all that, he's worth a look.

HI,
I really disagree with Alphanista's post. To me this is just game playing. Don't have sex with him for several weeks, then have sex with him. That's not healthy for anyone. This man will not commit to her, especially when he is using her for sex. He will just move on to some other woman who will have sex with him.

Many women make the mistake of jumping into bed with a man too soon, before they get to know him. Also before there is a commitment. This is causing many problems for the women & the men. This will just hurt her more to cut off sex & then have sex with him again. He can also lie about being committed to her. To me the less games people play the better. Not everyone is honest. But it is best to relate to people in a direct way. You are entitled to your opinion as I am. There is too much dishonesty & game playing going on. It does not help at all. Judy K. Chicago.

I totally support honesty in any relationship. If people are going to be hooking up for just sex it should be a mutually informed decision. There are just to many players out there. Regarding your first post: We did spend a few month getting to know each other, but people will show the side that they want you to see.