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Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 787
Gecko
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Gecko
Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 787 |
Seems you are intimidated by the otherside. You don't need to explain anything to anyone why you do something. Just say I choose not to and end of story. Tell them you repsect their decision as that is their choice and you do what you think is best for you and they should respcet that also.
I also think friendship has nothing to do with kids. You should have friends based on an individual. The kids people though may not have the amount of freetime as their priorities should be their kids if they decide to become parents but that does not mean they have to drop out of the human race.
Last edited by rdywenur; 01/14/09 02:07 AM.
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Joined: Jan 2009
Posts: 6
Newbie
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Newbie
Joined: Jan 2009
Posts: 6 |
I remember not too long ago how one of my friends (who does have children)actually had consideration for me not having kids and actually hired a babysitter,and has many times gotten her mother or sister to watch her kids. IT was never all about her and her husband and her kids- she values our friendship and understands that i don't want to be bothered with crumb-snatchers every time we want to visit and catch up, go shopping or out to lunch. Why do people with kids naturally take it upon their self and assume that they don't have to sacrifice anything in order to see their friends? But they want their childless friends to always sacrifice for them and their circumstances. If the friendship means has much to them has it does to you- you both naturally sacrifice- they by getting someone to watch their kids and you having to deal with the kids when you go see them or whatever. Just because they have kids doesn't change them has a person- or you because you don't. I made the choice early on about not having children and i'll tell my friends they shouldn't of forgot their pill or whatever, I'am me happy- and if they're happy great! Just don't complain too much- you had a choice. AND PERSONALLY, I'm happy about my choices because kids now a days are little smart-alack brats, that try to run things!!And their parents think its cute and they are so coddled, its not funny!
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Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 141
Jellyfish
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Jellyfish
Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 141 |
Yeah, we've all been there...but if you lie about it you feel like you didn't stand up for yourself. We're supposed to be a tolerant society (I'm Canadian too) especially considering how multicultural we are. So I think we have to give people the chance to be tolerant towards difference. Why pretend we're the same as everyone else when we can at least get the idea out there that people might not want kids?
I do think you need to choose your battles though. I'm from a mid-sized Ontario city that's basically a small version of Calgary, so i totally get it that everyone over 25 is married and popping out kids...by 35 they're all settled in smug married suburbia. I try to laugh if the question is asked (which it usually is) or make a joke (some good examples on the main MNK page) and I think they're all getting the picture now. I do have an older brother who is turning 40 this year and still not married which helps! But when people are rude enough to keep talking about it after an initial exchange, I'd just say "Nothing you're going to say will change my mind," and change the subject or walk away. It has to be done!
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Joined: Oct 2008
Posts: 275
Shark
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Shark
Joined: Oct 2008
Posts: 275 |
I remember not too long ago how one of my friends (who does have children)actually had consideration for me not having kids and actually hired a babysitter,and has many times gotten her mother or sister to watch her kids. IT was never all about her and her husband and her kids- she values our friendship and understands that i don't want to be bothered with crumb-snatchers every time we want to visit and catch up, go shopping or out to lunch. Why do people with kids naturally take it upon their self and assume that they don't have to sacrifice anything in order to see their friends? But they want their childless friends to always sacrifice for them and their circumstances. If the friendship means has much to them has it does to you- you both naturally sacrifice- they by getting someone to watch their kids and you having to deal with the kids when you go see them or whatever. Just because they have kids doesn't change them has a person- or you because you don't. I made the choice early on about not having children and i'll tell my friends they shouldn't of forgot their pill or whatever, I'am me happy- and if they're happy great! Just don't complain too much- you had a choice. AND PERSONALLY, I'm happy about my choices because kids now a days are little smart-alack brats, that try to run things!!And their parents think its cute and they are so coddled, its not funny! Wow,you've got yourself a good friend. Sure wish I had friends like that when I was in my 20's, 30's, and 40's. Now that our friends are finished raising their kids we spend much more time with them ( except when they're babysitting the grandbeebies). Fortunately there are a few that don't have grandkids yet.
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Joined: Oct 2008
Posts: 275
Shark
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Shark
Joined: Oct 2008
Posts: 275 |
Cream pie, I agree with you, but, what that does for me, is that I end up in a looonnnnggg booooooorrrrrring conversation about why....and then they start preaching at me, about why I should. OMG, its suuuccchhh a dragg cause they think they will convince you( more often that not anyway), I generally assess the situation, but generally say not yet. You must learn to be ready with a quick change of subject before they get to 'why you should have kids'. Something like - where you'll be going on your next vacation or that nice pair of jeans you're going to buy. Maybe, just maybe, they'll get the hint........ Good luck.
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Joined: Jan 2009
Posts: 132
Jellyfish
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Jellyfish
Joined: Jan 2009
Posts: 132 |
LOL, thats funny, yeah, I guess, strangely I always find myself caught unawares, because my mind isn't in that place at all. I like the vacation one, because that ticks them off for sure cause who doesn't love a break to travel?
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Joined: Jan 2009
Posts: 8
Newbie
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Newbie
Joined: Jan 2009
Posts: 8 |
Kreeny80 - Hey from southern AB! I hear ya on the economy....everyone and their dog around me is pumping out babies.....it seems like as soon as people get some extra cash they decide to feed another mouth!
I too have ahd many couples friends, that are either pregnant now or already have one...and you're all right, suddenly I have nothing on common anymore. If I'm around one, its not a huge thing, but 2 pregnant girls in a room + me equals akward silences and symapathetic looks. I am tired of being treated like I am "childless" and want to wear a T'shirt that reads
"Child free by Choice!" sigh.......until then I try to make the best of it, but meeting other couples would be great!
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Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 76
Amoeba
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Amoeba
Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 76 |
Most of the friends I've made here in Germany are either a bit younger than me and haven't got to the point of having a family yet, or older with grown-up kids. I've really come to appreciate the company of older women who still have a youthful outlook and want to enjoy their new-found freedom! And the great thing is, none of them question my CF choice. It seems to be quite a common option here, the only bingoes I have received are from fellow English speakers.
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