BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids I think I figured it out...

With all due respect Nicki, I'm sure this has been your experience, and that is valid, but I also hear someone say that having a child has led them to their true purpose in life almost every day. It's either a friend, a celeb on TV, David Carr in the NY Times saying how having his twins "saved his life" from the hell of drug addiction, or a well-meaning blogger or essayist such as yourself. Some of it is true, I'm sure, and some of it is probably more of a case of social conditioning. In any case, my point is that I go on this forum NOT to have to hear another person saying they found their true purpose in life through children. I go on it because I want to find others who have found their purpose without having children. This is a very tough, raw and painful issue for me, as I'm still coming to grips with my own role as a CFBC woman in this society. Your view is valid, but it represents the majority, and I'm not in that majority, so it ends up making me feel alienated in one of the few "safe" spaces I've found. Perhaps it's better for you to discuss this in other forums rather than here.

And what if your purpose in life is to be a surgeon or an opera singer? My dad and I were once discussing the whole kid question and he said it was great because it changed his whole perspective on life. And I said, "That's what I'm afraid of. I finally figured out what I have to do with my life and I don't want anything to distract me from that goal."

I worry about a society where the highest goal for women is still having children. When men go around talking about babies "saving their lives" I get really freaked out. If all we're about is reproduction then we're pretty much doomed as a society.

What amazes me---and I know this will be unpopular among the faith-based---is how in this "enlightened" day and age humans still think that reproduction is some "Divine Gift" instead of a consequence of sex. Cats, dogs, pigs, horses, etc get pregnant and give birth everyday--usually with more success in the process and in parenting than humans do--yet humans think it is such an extraordinary, supernatural feat! The "miracle of birth"! I find that in societies that are more extreme fundamentally in religious beliefs there is more "child worshipping". If having a child is a "Gift from God"---than what are the ones who can't have children? Cursed? Ridiculous!
Ravyn

Hi, I'm a newbie poster but I've been reading this site for a long time. I am so glad to have found a thoughtful, supportive place where people like me can exist in cyber-peace. My story is a long one, like everyone's here. I won't go into it now but suffice to say that I am very content at 41, now that the personal (and societal) pressure to have children has pretty much passed. It was a relief, an epiphany if you will, to realize a few years ago that HEY! I DON'T have to be a mom to be a complete person. I've been married 18 years to my dream guy and we love our full and busy life together as a family of 2.

There are so many great posters here and I appreciate reading all of your perspectives. Thank you all.