BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids Children *The Only* topic of conversation

let me explain--now it is the grandchildren! and quite a few of our couple friends and at work are adopting foreign babies late in life. One couple at work have their last biological son in college and just went to China to get two toddler girls with health problems. All I hear about at any company event is how wonderful these people are and all about the girls. No way I would be starting a new family at mid-40's!

i love coming here! This thread states my thoughts exactly. I am 29, and my 2 closest friends are both 'ready" to start trying for a baby. When I think about it, my stomach and my heart tie themselves in knots.

As for my in-laws, nothing but baby-talk. Most of my work friends are the same way. I can't seem to go one day without a "potty" story. Why should I care about that? There is nothing cute or funny about potty training!

One of the things i hate the most is when i am working and a co-worker brings in her new baby. The women, as if drawn by magnets, circle around the baby. The baby sits there, doing nothing, and we all just STARE at it. then the baby might squint at something, and they all giggle. Time stands still. Years seem to pass, and we are still there, staring at this baby.

Oh, I can't believe anyone's friends who are parents "never act that way"!!

I've seen it happen with almost every parent I know. You are in the middle of speaking and you can literally see their attention shift from you to what the kids are doing.

Now, by saying that, I am not suggesting that parents let kids run amok or allow them to hurt themselves because they aren't being watched! I'm just saying that I prefer people to pay attention to me when I'm talking -- otherwise, why have a conversation?

I saw an old friend at a birthday party for a mutual friend's one year old (good times...didn't know there was such a thing as a "smash cake" -- but I digress...) a few years back, and she couldn't even focus long enough on me to talk about anything. And we hadn't seen each other in so long! What got me was her husband was there too, and both of them kept their attention focused 100% on the child, who I think was about 3 at the time. I found it odd that at least ONE of them couldn't talk to my husband and me! I eventually gave up and just talked to my husband.

Kim

Kim Kenney
MNK Editor

What, you don't ENJOY staring at a baby??

I hate it when babies come to work. My husband and I work together -- he is closer to the front office and always warns me when he hears a baby in the building! (my office is tucked away in a corner, far away from the action)

I hold all my copy machine needs until I hear that the baby has left the building!!

Kim

Kim Kenney
MNK Editor

Other women swarming to "see the baby" really make me feel weird. I mean, I always wonder what is so fascinating...and then I feel unwomanly because I don't have a maternal instinct!

i know! The men automatically have a free pass from staring at the baby, and no one thinks anything of it!

kim- that's awesome that your hubby warns you about babies entering the building!

Me too!



I never thought of it that way- the unwomanly part. I think I always felt like I was "right" about thinking it was stupid to fawn over some stranger's kid, but I also have the strong sense that my reaction is socially wrong and I never know quite what to do except to try and fake it or escape.

There was the one time my friend's girlfriend's brother (seriously) was trying to drag me off to see his new wife (I"d NEVER met her and barely knew him) and their 2 day old baby. I finally said "you know, Joey, I'm just not that kind of girl" - I thought that was a humorous way to put it & he would get the message, but as usual he was so overcome with baby bliss it was completely ignored and I had to go stare at another baby....

Babies are cute, but then they grow up. I passed blame for many years for not being able to have a baby. As I am older and wiser, there is no blame or wishing involved. I often tell co-workers, etc... when they go on and on that they may have the children, but I am blessed with a life. You hear so much about grown children being dependent,disrespectful,and not appreciative. So often happens that the grandparents end up raising the grandchildren.

LOL I think we had another thread called 'Babies are NOT cute!' I just watched The View this morning with those hideous real life baby dolls---yuck! They make my skin crawl! I especially do not like children as babies. And I really do not like the smell of babies! Makes me gag. (who in their right mind would want to use 'Baby Fresh' or 'Baby Powder' DEODERANT? yeah like I want my underarm to smell like someone's diapered butt?!)

I had and new problem come up. My husband is 4 years younger than I am and he has a good friend who is 9 years younger than he is--they used to work together and now they talk cars. Well his friend's wife is even younger than he is and she just had her second baby, first son. So now not only do I have to spend HOURS listening to her drone on about the baby, but I have their toddler climbing all over me while I desperately try to figure out what in the world I can talk to woman who is 16 years my junior about! Not too mention there is a major cultural and lifestyle differences too. And if I do not do this my husband does not get to spend time with his friend. Of course we can't meet at restaurants because they got two little ones and don't have the money and I am not having them to my house where I will have to lock up the dog and 4 cats. I have absolutely nothing in common with this woman.

I just posted a topic about changing friendships and feel silly that I didn't read this first. This discussion has been so helpful to me...letting me know that I am not the only one out there trying to deal with these changing friendships.

This forum is great!