BellaOnline Forums Relationships Domestic Violence I need help

I've been with this guy for 8 months. He lives in the states but came to live with me in Canada. I love him but his behavior is very frightening.
We constantly argue... and fight every other day.
I am stressed out and confused, why would someone that loves me behave that way?

He slams doors, so hard he actually broke the door frame. He pushes me and 'holds me down' explaining "You don't listen so I'm gonna make you listen."

I need to know if this behavior is normal when one gets angry.
This is my first relationship, living with a guy.
I'm 20 and he is 24.
Help...

Run!! This guy is VERY bad news, and you may be in real danger.
No, this is definitely NOT normal behavior, and you are in danger. Maybe I should say it again...YOU ARE IN DANGER! One of these days he may not stop at just holding you down.
It may be hard to tell him to leave if he is in your house, but you must. Get help if you can't do it yourself but get him out of your life.

Hi Hopeseries,

The fact that you are posting this question in the "Domestic Violence" and not in the "Relationship" section means that deep down you already know that this is not normal nor healthy behavior,

If he is holding you down and pushing you, then he is just a few steps away from hitting or raping you.

Get out of the relationship now. You say he lives in the states, and technically the place is yours - so if you must, kick him out and get a restraining order - or have him deported back to the states. (I honestly have no idea how the laws work up in Canada - so not sure which is the way to go.)

Do not kid yourself that this will change or get better, it will only get worse as he feels he has you more under his control.

I am sorry.

I agree with both here who have already posted here for you. If you have to question for one minute if your relationship qualifies as domestic violence, 9 times out of 10 it is. I am not sure what part of Canada you are in but I do have a list of resources for Canada.

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"why would someone that loves me behave that way?" There's a very good answer to that, and it's "THEY DON'T". People who love each other do NOT scream at each other, not if they actually care about the other person. Not if their "love" is for you, and not how you can be used to their gain.

Make a plan, and get him out of your house immediately. Call in help, relatives, friends, police, anyone you can BEFORE telling him that you're cutting ties with him, because he's already off the deep end if he's acting this way with you so soon in the relationship. (Normally abusers are much more sly about it, they slowly let things get worse and worse and blame it on you until you believe it) If he's this crazy now, if you tell him "it's over" and you're alone with him, he may decide that attacking you would be a fantastic idea. So please, call someone over, and THEN tell him to leave, and change the locks and get a restraining order against him.

I had to sneak behind my abusers back and file for a domestic violence protection order. The police came out the next and made him leave.

Ok. If someone loves you, they don't hold you down like a dog and tell you how they're going to make you listen. That's not love, that's control.

And the slamming of the door till the frame broke, That's immaturity and the old "I'm a baby and want my own way" frame of mind which is also a control and a guilt issue.

Get him deported back to the states and get yourself out of the situation. True love is patient, kind, nurturing, supportive.

This situation fits none of the above. You are only fooling yourself to think otherwise. You know in your heart that this is not normal behavior and not right for you and I am most positive that there is someone out there much much better for you that can be everything you ever wanted, but it's not him.

Be good to yourself, and please take care and keep us posted on your situation.

God Bless.

No, Hopeseries, your boyfriend's behavior is not normal. It's barbaric, and as others have said already, you can count on the fact that it's going to get worse.

As Michelle said, "The fact that you are posting this question in the "Domestic Violence" and not in the "Relationship" section means that deep down you already know that this is not normal nor healthy behavior," I agree. You already had the feeling it wasn't right.

Now that the feeling has been wholeheartedly validated by others from whom you sought advice, it's all up to you from here, which can be a scary, highly unpleasant journey, but one that is very necessary for your mental and physical well-being.

All too often, women in your position will stay "confused" or scared, and they don't do anything to help themselves. They claim they don't know what to do (and in situations with kids involved, I can understand how muddy the water could get).

At the point when you become enlightened, who is then at bigger fault, the perpetrator or the enabler (the one causing the harm, or the one allowing further harm to come to her)?

Am I saying it's your fault that he's abusing you? No. But you have to get him out of your life so as not to become further victimized, and get on with your life so you can find someone to cherish you, love you and touch you softly -- not hold you down, physically or mentally.

Plain and simple...GET OUT OF THIS RELATIONSHIP! Take it from one who has lived this for the past 8 years. Move on and consider yourself lucky to avoid the worse abuse that is surely coming.

I agree with both here who have already posted here for you.