BellaOnline Forums Religion and Spirituality Spirituality So what am I?

You guys are incredible and you have confirmed my greatest hope for humanity!!!! I live in a town of 600 people. Either you are a catholic, lutheran, intoxicated or high or you probably don't fit here. I don't fit. The cosmos put me here I guess. I would rather have a Starbucks right around the corner and be close to and part of a healing center with like minded people in any major city. I have asked myself "Why here? Sundays in this town everything is closed and the stench of piety is everywhere. I live in the spirit world so what they do is basically not affecting me and I would have preferred always to keep it that way however: A few years ago in a neighboring town a confirmed abusive priest and I had a confrontation. He was absolutely protected by the Diocese. Because I was deemed evil he and his church henchmen began to try to cast things against me. My Grandparents always said: "Know your enemies!" They built up lots of things against me which I allowed just to see what they did have in their little black bag. When they reached their max then I did my thing, he went away and some left the church. Then just recently as I was doing my meditation a spirit of death came into my studio. I am not like the church that just wants everything to be "cast out." There was a reason why it was here. Because it knew that I was not afraid it began to communicate to me. This was a man and he told me his name. He told me that one of the local church leaders and the leaders henchmen killed him.They apparently used one of the old curses or some psychic abilities that some unscrupulous religious use to get people out of the way. He came down with several diseases and died faster than even medical history could keep up with. His words were this" I was a S.O.B. at times but I did not deserve to go out of here that way." He also told me the name of the church leader." I went back upstairs and told my other half. We agreed to keep this information quiet until we could confirm this without a doubt. One day as I was talking to a spiritually minded friend from another town I felt to say what had happened to me leaving out the names. My friend said "Do you mean the trouble between _________ and _________? "Many of us know what happened." This was incredible. The spirit was right. Now what do I do with this information. I have no fear of the church, I have even now a few more spirits that visit and want to be heard. "This is like, as my other half says, grand central of the ghost world." These are not just ghosts, these were real people snuffed out like a cigar. I did not ask for this. If anyone would say that I was crazy I would wholdheartedly agree with them except for the fact that these occurances and abuses have been confirmed. I would gladly leave here but that is not in the cards. If any one thinks that the church has been so snow white in their actions in dealing with humanity get your head out of the sand. In the old days the church hunted some of my family like a pack of wolves because we did not condone their abuses even 500 years ago so I have no time for their smoothe words today. Because I can, I guess I am here to deal with this situation. I am sorry to make this so lengthy but let me pose this question; What would you do? If this is non reality or a dream I would gladly wake up! Pinch me!!!! Blessed Be

Hi AncientFlaxman

(You must explain your name to me sometime - I'm sure it has some meaning).

If you don't mind my asking, what type of church was this?

I'm Baptist (Southern Baptist to be exact), and I know to even contemplate doing what you are talking about would be against what we are taught. This type of behavior would be seen on the same level as "Witchcraft" or even "Voodoo" both of which are taboo in the Baptist church.

Please understand that I do not hold with all of the tenets of my religion. I am a Christian - that I do claim, but I do not automatically judge those that are not. I believe there are things out there that are unexplainable and interesting for lack of a better word. But I was raised Baptist, so that is the church I feel comfortable in.

Michelle, I know that you do not believe in intuitive readings and spiritual healing and that is fine with me. I need to bring it up because I use them to help improve others lives and to find blockages in their psyche. The pain that I feel is when Christians come to me in trouble because of the abuse of the church. Michelle, these people are genuinely good people that live what they believe, cause no one heartache, and love as their Jesus loved. No one on earth could find fault with them!!! I have encountered some of these people that the church has abused and then shunned and left them with no support. These things happen on a regular basis.If you think that they don't take off your rose colored glasses. To name denominations here is futile and would cause harm to some that really hold to the tenants of their organization. I am not about dismantling, I am about building. You believe in God correct? There is a little prayer that I have used when I needed answers. It goes like this. "Great mind of the universe, give me awareness of my environment and the strength to find the truth. Let me not be afraid to see things beyond where I am now and in doing so give me the wisdom to be able to deal with the findings." I wish that everyone was as open as your are!!!!!! Do not be afraid to learn what is best for you. I do not fear death, that is long gone, but those that destroy through religion have everything to loose and death is their most dreaded fear. Do they believe in God or do they just use him to bludgeon their agendas through life because of their own depravity.

Oh please don't get me wrong - I didn't mean to imply that I don't believe in those things at all, just that I think there are more charlatans out there than truly talented people.

Especially with my children (my daughter in particular - whom I nursed longer than my sons), we feed off of each other's emotions. I can have a migraine at night, and either my daughter or my youngest son will wake up with nightmares. It has happened too many times for me NOT to believe in it.

I've always been fascinated by the "paranormal" - so much so that I dabbled with the idea of studying it until I felt the siren call (no pun intended) of music my Jr year in high school.

There is a ghost in my parent's house. It is totally benign. But doors (particularly one) have opened and closed since I was a small child. And one day when my little niece was 2 she dubbed it "Dobie". Ever since then I've been convinced it wasn't just my imagination, because I feel little ones see so much more than we jaded adults.

I'm at a place right now where I'm trying to figure out what I am, too. I know I am a Christian, because I truly believe in God, Jesus and the trinity - but I believe in so much more that doesn't fit in with the acceptes doctrines. Which is why I'm popping in here, Pagan, and New Age so much right now.

If it wasn't for my deep-rooted prejudice (which I am working hard to overcome) - I will probably start visiting the Witchcraft board more, too. But thsat takes more courage than I have been able to drum up right now.

(Boy - I am gonna get stoned!)

I think not knowing just what to believe is more disconcerting when you have children. I have twin daughters who are almost six and a son who is 19 mo. and I feel an obligation to show them the "right" path, but I'm just not sure what that path is.
My in-laws talk to them about Jesus a lot when they spend time with them and then later ask me if Jesus is making the rain or if Jesus was watching over them in Heaven before they were born. I don't know how to answer these types of questions. I love and respect my in-laws, but I know they would be very concerned if they knew that I just don't belief all that they do. My MIL is already worried about my son because he hasn't been baptized. She doesn't want his little soul to go to Limbo if anything should happen to him!

Your family must be allowed to present their side of the story to your children.They are going to hear it one way or another from others if not family. You however have the responsibility to let your children see who you are also. Allowing others to take control of your kids is not allowed, family or not. Remember; The greater truth has the greater magnatism. They will be drawn to their highest and best path in life. Just be yourself. One could say " I don't know who I am." But just look within and see the strength that is within you and you might just find that you have more than you think!!!

Michele,

Thank you for sharing your story with us.

If you have to label yourself, why not call yourself an explorer? Since you aren't sure exactly what it is you believe, it is the perfect time to read voraciously books and opinions from all different belief systems and compare it to what you believe. You may gain more insight to exactly what beliefs truly call to you. Take what works for you and throw out the rest. There's no shame in that.

I do understand you are under pressure though. I don't have kids, but I think the best thing to do right now is live by your own ethical standards. That is a wonderful example to set for the kids.

Michelle, You are even now finding your path and growing. I used to be a born again Christian Lutheran minister. Don't you think that I had to boldly face some "alternative viewpoints" and go through what difficulties I had to be able to grow? I lost much of my family and friends when I quit the church. I lost the possibility of $60,000 a year. I lost my kids because they listened to outside influences that devided us. I was a good preacher and quite articulate as you know but if I would have stayed I would have become the charlatan. People just shook their heads at me and did not understand. I walked outside of the box and found ME. I kept on going because my vision was and still is to help people on the planet just like I was helped. I have some solid gold ancestors that were my support, still are. My desire is that we can all help each other like we did on the farm when I was young. If we were sick or hospitilized our neighbors would come and do our chores first. If mom or my aunt was sick the neighbor ladies would come and do cooking for us first and then go home and take care of their own families. Some of you out there remember those days! Out of date? Gone forever? Guess again! Sounds stupid? Then I am the stupidest! The Christian is within if we wish it to be,the psychic is within if we wish that to be and so is the charlatan if we wish it to be.

Michelle - You may know a lot more than people who know what religion they belong to. It may feel isolating because you don't necessarily have a group to form a community, but you certainly know what you believe in!

Lisa Shea posted this site awhile back. I don't think it will (nor should it) give you your answers, but it's fun to see where you lie... and, it may point you in a direction to other people who think similarly to you.

The site is from beliefnet and it "tells you what religion you are based on your beliefs".

BellaOnline ALERT: Raw URLs are not allowed in these forums for security reasons. Please use UBB code. If you don't know how to do UBB code just post here for help - we will help out!

I'm a second generation agnostic -- I neither know if a deity or deities exist, nor would change my behavior in life if it/they did. But - my mom and I were talking the other day about this, and a lot of what we talked about mirrored what you said here. (This was in response to, at the time, my fil's impending (now has happened) death.)

And, although I seriously doubt that any of the main organized religions have it right -- I would be most surprised to die and find I have some sort of physical existence like now, some sort of heaven or hell, that sort of thing -- I do feel like some element of me will continue on.

Years ago, when my mom thought she was going to die (we weren't sure -- she was pretty bad off at the time) her main concern was contacting family members, worrying that she wouldn't get a hold of them in time. She said she no longer fears death, after having been so close that time.

It is the ultimate mystery, isn't it? And one we can't know until we get there. Wonder if the caterpillar feels about cocooning (or chyrsalis) the same way?

I would suggest you try to find some local open-minded people to talk about these things with. Obviously, churchy folks are unlikely to be able to really get what you are saying, but there are likely to be some, somewhere where you live, who have more fluid thinking.