BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids What Flavor of Child-Free Are You?

Moe - LOL - so is a solution to being asked question to be abrasive! I don't think of you as abrasive at all, that is odd to me that they feel that way.

I wonder if teachers get hounded more than usual about having kids of their own since they are "so good with kids". Or if people feel sympathy for them, that they already have to deal with kids all day long.

I know I would never survive as a teacher ...

True MNK does, but I was refering to just the childfree term in my post, and my definition of childfree, not my definition of married no kids.

Taitinfae -

I think a lot of the empty nester thing depends on how old you are and how "helicopter parent" you are.

If you are for example 35, your kid has just left for college and you spend all day every day talking about him, writing to him, showing photos of him and so on, then yes I would agree with you completely, that person is not facing any issues of MNK.

However let's say you are a 35 year old woman who has just married a 35 year old man who has an adult son who is out of the house. You are newlyweds. You could call that couple "empty nesters". But as far as family and friend pressure goes, they are under *just* as much pressure (perhaps even more) than a 23 year old couple is. With a 23 year old couple, people are often saying "take your time, get settled in before you think about kids." When you hit 35 to 40, people start ramping up the pressure with "You really have to start having kids now, or you'll regret it".

Having child free issues come in ALL sorts of flavors, and we want to be able to help anybody who needs help. Single, married, old, young.

I picked "Married - Under 45." My husband has 2 kids living with his ex in another state and I am childfree. My husband just doesn't take any gruff from people on the subject, and we are older, so we don't get a lot of comments.

We just get asked "Do you have children?" We either answer "No" or "Yes, a cat named Merlin.":) My family is pretty cool with my decision to remain childfree as long as I'm happy.

What about people who live together in long term relationships without any children?

I don't intend to ever get married as I don't agree with it - however I don't plan to ever have kids either...

those could fall under 1 or 2 depending on how you see it: either as common-law marriage or two singles in a long term relationship. either way it's a couple w/no kids.:)

Trish - that is good that you guys have found a solution to that question. I know several people in your situation, where one half has kids living elsewhere, and the other half is "childless naturally" so as a couple they get hammered with why they don't have kids together.

People seem to feel that any pairing should result in kids, regardless of any past situations.

Linux - I think in Jill's message, she meant married to mean couples who are serious.

Since I've been "partnered" for 13 years, but we are not going to marry, I'm always curious when I meet other people like that. How long have you two been together, and why are you choosing not to get the piece of paper?

Yay I have a cat named Taliesin, I got it from Mists of Avalon, so somewhat related to merlin.

I thought about the step-parent issue but figured I would keep it simple on parent being giving birth or choosing to be a parent (my brain is still fried from end of the semester term papers so I didn't want to think about too many exceptions). So Lisa I personally wouldn't consider you childfree, but your partner is, and you face issues that the CF do. Does that make sense?

Choosing to be a parent meaning adoptive or seeing yourself as a parent to any step-children.

It's complicated because many people who are childfree end up married/dating to people with children. I think when it comes to being a step-parent and childfree its really how the person views their situation.

I have 3 god kids, possibly more since my friend would love to populate the world (her words not mine) So I'm sure people might view that as not really childfree because if something happens to her and her husband they will be my children, and I willingly agreed to it. I have agreed to this even though I don't want to me a mother because I love her, she has no one else, and I love her children.

Taitinfafe - that sounds exactly right! I am not childfree - but I definitely face all the same issues. And we are both in essence "married without kids" because all of our daily, weekly and monthly routines include just us two.

I think many people who do not have natural children of their own still end up being mentors of great meaning to children in the world. So in a way they are still very much "parents" to children tho appreciate and benefit from that care and love.

There are all sorts of varieties of relationships out there!

I *adore* Mists of Avalon Did you see the miniseries version?