BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids which is easier to get?

I think in terms of risk that it's much safer for the guy to have the vasectomy. So in terms of keeping both people safe, I would definitely go the vasectomy route.

I just feel guilty in a way because he has to do the surgery instead of me. I know that I am 100% sure that I dont want kids but I think he is a fence sitter. I am sure that he would make a great dad and we could adopt later on if we ever get rich enough to do that. but I think there may be a part of him that wants his own child.... I have tried to talk to him about it but he is a people pleaser so he tends to say nothing or tell people what he thinks they want to hear... it is hard to know what he is thinking... I dont want him to do this because he thinks it is what I want. I want him to do it because he wants too.

Yeah We are going to have a very long talk later tonight....

What you can always do is have him make multiple deposits and have them frozen before the big V. It is quite a lot safer to get the v verses the TL. I think some men see it as removing their "manliness" but when you think about it, it should improve your love life as there will be less to "worry" about

another thing to consider, it's two small incisions that take all of 2 weeks to heal... verses the TL which takes months.

See That is what I am thinking we have been doing the spermiside thing for sooooooo long that It is just a hassle and sex is more routine now... I tried bc but with my homones out of wack anyways... it just dont work! PLUS I am alergic to latex and he is alergic to the other stuff.... I always worry that the spermiside wont work and I WILL GET PREGNET ANYWAYS!!! thats a real turn off!

Hi! I'm new here.
If you're looking for permanent sterilization, and are finding it difficult to choose between fairly major surgery for you (tubal ligation) and making your partner undergo a procedure (vasectomy), you may want to check out a fairly new option called Essure. It's an office procedure that can be done with just local anesthesia, where a small metal coil is placed in each fallopian tube (via the [censored]/cervix - no incisions). The coils cause scar tissue to form, which blocks the fallopian tubes. This is later verified by putting a dye that shows up on X-rays in your uterus and seeing if it leaks past the coils - it's called a hysterosalpingogram. Way less downtime than a tubal (some ladies go back to work the next day), and you get to own your sterilization. (I'm sure that you and your partner will get to be together for a very long time, but if something unfortunate did occur, you're still "fixed".) I'm so having it done - the second I can find a doctor that will do it on a nulliparous lady in her early 30's.

Freespirit - I definitely have found with men that they are often raised to "not show emotions" and to be manly. So then when a partner tries to talk with them about an emotional issue, all those years of training kick in and they do not share how they really feel. It is exceedingly hard, but it can be overcome with time and patience.

Try to make the situation as non-confrontational as possible. Quiet music, no TV, wait until you've eaten, maybe had a drink, and nobody is around. Then open with neutral questions. "I would like to hear how you feel about xxxx". Don't give your own opinion, don't "answer" (as in say anything judgmental) in response to anything he says. Just give affirmations such as "I can see why you feel that way" and so on. Keep drawing him out. It might not work the first time, or the second, but over time he'll start to trust that he really can just say what he feels without being penalized for it.

It is *really* hard to do - to just listen without commenting on things - but it is important for it to work.

That all being said, remember, he can usually reverse a vasectomy. So don't think of it as a "final dead end" for him. If something drastic happened and he really wanted to have kids, he could. So you're not doing something permanent to him.

Megs - welcome to the forum!! It's great to have you here

That is really fascinating, I hadn't heard of Essure before. My partner and I have been together 13 years and definitely do not want children. He, however, is very much against a vasectomy. He won't even discuss it. I am afraid of a tubal ligation because of the hormonal issues. I will definitely have to look into this!

I wouldn't depend on a vasectomy. I know a TL can be scary, but if I had taken charge of my own fertility and put my foot down, I wouldn't have to worry about it now.

If you are healthy enough to have a TL and are sure you never want children, it may be a better choice, especially if somewhere down the road you find out your SO is not just a fencesitter, but someone who really does want children.

This would avoid long arguments over 'his' surgery, his not getting it/putting it off, or a positive pregnancy test. It is no fun trying to argue with someone deadset against ending a pregnancy and talk sense to them.

Julie - I'm not sure if you were responding to me or one of the previous posters. In our case, we don't have arguments - I know his view on a vasectomy and I accept it. There is no issue with either of us about ending a pregnancy either. However, I would rather be proactive about it. I have enough hormone issues now that I don't want to make things worse.

I almost wish I would go into early menopause - but several of my friends are in menopause and that sounds even worse as far as hormones go ...

I've tried numerous other options like the patch, and again, hormone issues ...