BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids Wondering if I should keep doing MNK

I haven't been following this thread and now that I've caught up on it I really don't know what to say.

It may be possible that I offended someone by referring to a child as an "it". No offense was intended, I use "it" when I do not know and have no way of knowing a child's gender.

It may be possible that I offended someone by posting about children running wild at the doctor's office or at the grocery store. This does not mean that all children do this and referred to specific incidents. My DH and I are both Senior citizens - a child running wild and running into one of us could knock us down and cause a broken hip so this is a safety issue for us and a possible legal issue for the parents of said wild child.

It may be possible that I offended someone by one post in which I referred to a particular child as the "spawn of the Devil". Heck, everyone who knew that kid referred to him like that - including the cops, the prison personnel, his therapists, teachers, even his parents. And it was clear in my post that this referred to one particular child.

I am certain that I offend some people simply by being CF.

I'm also certain that I offend some people simply by living and breathing.

I don't mean to offend anyone. I sincerely apologize to anyone I may have offended in any way. But one thing I've learned over the years is that there is no way anyone can go through life without offending someone at sometime. I've been offended by others many, many times over the years and also taken offense when none was intended.

There are some words, and since it's been mentioned, the 'n' word being one of them that are always offensive and should not be used. There are other words, such as "it" which some people may find offensive in some context. Frankly, I think people who would find the word "it" offensive in any context really need to get a life and find something of greater significance to be so concerned about.

I had thought that this forum was a safe haven for discussing being CF in a child crazed world. I'm 64 and this is the first time I've ever found a place where I felt understood and supported regarding this issue. Well, I guess time will tell....

I think you missed my edited post. and I did not say that It was ok to bash jews or anyone else. I said that the compareson offended me but I could not think of a better one so... I understand. I also posted that the reason it offended me was because there are not laws to protect the CF. there are laws to protect the rights of religions, race culture creed and sexual orintation but there is nothing stoping people from bashing people that dont have kids. it is fine to make a Cf person work every weekend and holidayand put them on the night and evening shift but try forcing a christian mother to work Sunday. There is a law against that. you cant call a Jew a bad name or a homosexual person but hey its open season on child free. Personaly I believe in those laws but I think there should be laws for the child free as well.
If there is a rule that says we cant say breeder or anyother term, which btw are mostly used to label BAD Parents that only have kids so that they can get goverment money and other help and they have little regaurd for there kids...., there should also be a rule against words that are offencive to the CF people. for example baby hates baby killers, ungodly, antifamily.... devents, childish, anti woman, not a real woman immature..........and those are just a few words that I have been called!

Fair is fair after all. now have I heard or seen these here? a few have poped up. but if there is not a rule against it it will open the door to anyone out there who feels the need to bash us to use them because we cant bash back and there is no rule to prevent it so you leave us no opptions. its hard to report a post and do anything about it when they did not break any rules... they are just stating there oppinions.

See where I was going with that? it has noting to to with bashing anyone it is the fact that we have our hands tied and its open season and we are the sitting ducks!!! I would like to see some preventive measures. because It kinda sounds like the CF people are being blamed when it is our forum and the CF people that was being bashed to begain with! you would not Blame a black person or Jew or Homosexual that was called a name or bashed in there own forum. Would you? then way blame us?

Lisa,
I just thought I would clearify my clearifacation you did not offend me by posting the comparision. What offened me is that there is not rule or law to protect us against the same type of thing. I know what you was saying and you do have a point. the thing is there are laws and rules and such to prevent hate speach against Jews and Blacks but I felt like to compare Parents who are the majority and normal to the other was hurtful because parents and non CF people have rules and laws to help and protect them it is like saying parents are to Black as CF is to KKK. that was my first though anyways....
I wasnt trying to pick on you. I know what you was saying that we should all play nice and get along. and I could not come up with a comparision any better because there is not one I dont think anyways. I was trying to point out that that comparison may have hit others the wrong way and when your hurt and angry to begain with and that reply button just pops right up there....and you start to type what you are thinking with out explaning where your comming from.....

I just received a private message from my best friend here that is a big married no kids poster and was disappointed to hear that they are leaving. I know they had dropped me a line that you guys were gathering the troops together but I didn't have time to read any of this till now.
I'm sad about it because I've just lost a good friend that I met here pretty much everyday. The good news is that they have my e-mail and will be getting in touch with me very soon with a new link for me.
I'm just saddened by all of this.

I think it is sad that as human beings we cant get along and its not just here it is everywhere. leaving doesnt make the problem go away you find this everywhere you go. more so if you are not in the normal group or culture. anytime you life yourlife in a way that it not with the crowd you life your life with a great big target on your back! I guess you learn to conform or deal with it in whatever way is best for you. I wish them the best and I am sorry you lost your friend here but at lest she gave you a way to contact her off of bella .

I have to admit, up front, that I have avoided this forum, for the most part, in the past because I have children; which were planned. So I didn't even read much of it. After reading all of this thread, and a few more, I must say I have experienced the same kind of reaction from people about my religion. Raised R.C., I am now a pagan and I live in the Bible belt. I once spent 2 hours calmly explaining my beliefs to a Christian co-worker and having a very respectful discussion of both our beliefs only to have it ended by her when she said "ultimately you must know that you are wrong"!

I have never thought that anyone's choice to have children, or not, was anyone else's business, certainly not the way it seams that CF people are being verbally harassed. I am so sorry to hear that any group is treated this way because of their life choices, which are theirs to make. And I dislike being around misbehaved children as much as you all do, I think most reasonable people would be. I was once stopped by a store manager who was upset that all my children were in a shopping cart and might fall out and get hurt. I was dumbfounded that he was giving me a hard time when I was keeping my children with me and in control, instead of running up and down the aisles unsupervised. But, hey, you can't fix other people.

I have always felt it was unfair to assume you could have more holidays off work simply because you have children, I worked my share of them all. It was important to me to be off on Mother's Day, but I would offer to work Easter for a Christian co-worker if she would work Mother's Day for me. There are ways to work together so everyone is respected.

Kudos to you all for making your choices and allowing others to make theirs.

Thank you Freespirit for your good thoughts. Yes, I know that I will hear from my friend again. It will only be a matter of time. I'm just sad that they felt they had no choice but to leave.
They don't have kids, but I do and we get along fantastically.
I am very lucky to have met them here and I look forward to keeping them around.
Take care of yourselves everyone and also those of you who have chosen to leave.

Wow - I didn't know some people's accounts were deleted. How sad. What's left -- travel, cooking and clothing?

*YAWWWN*

A tad inappropriate. If you find those topics boring, I'm sure you could find a plethora of other wonderful topics that may interest you within the Bella community--like wrestling, relationships, and finances. :-)

Everyone--me included in this--just needs to calm the heck down. I don't have kids. I don't want kids. I would dare say I have no maternal instinct. Does this make me a bad person? Only when I point and laugh at a kid that falls over because he did something stupid. But, hey, I do that to adults, too.

Human life is precious. ALL human life--yours, mine, and your poor editor's who is ready to give up because suddenly, her life has become complicated by people she doesn't know complaining about something someone else has said. Y'all can lambast me if you want. I frankly, don't care. But, seriously, folks... you're acting more like kids than kids.

We all need to be a touch more appropriate and a touch more supportive. Some people are child-free by force, not choice. We need to be mindful of other people's feelings on that. We need to be mindful that just because someone else has a child or five that they aren't an enemy. We are all humans. We need to be (dare I be redundant) more supportive. Less bickering and "debate" and more "support."

I think I've said my peace...

Look, Kryssie (and all other editors who continue to jump on the soapbox bandwagon):

My participation in this forum has been under the title and spirit of "Married No Kids." I never would have posted here over a year ago if it was titled "Be Kind to Mothers" or "Humanity Advocacy."

Now the room is reduced to a hand-slapping arena, where many of the regular posters are being harangued and lectured by a whole bunch of people we never heard from until now.

Editors have even gone so far as to delete some peoples' accounts. Other people have simply left, not to return, to what was once a really neat forum for us to be who we are, say what we felt and share experiences in ways we were comfortable.

I'm not going to be corrected or harrassed anymore, I won't be told what to do or who to support or how to voice my opinions, and I refuse to hang around to see a bunch of people I've never heard from suddenly chime in with how they think our room should run.