BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids Kids respecting parents...weird experience

The "you don't understand because you don't have kids" defense is the weakest retort in the book. Parents think they can be anyone and do anything and still come back at any non-parent with it, because what are we going to say to it? Do they expect us to just hang our heads and reply, "Hmmm...you're right. I never thought of that?"

Some equally ridiculous statements:

- "You can't possibly know what to feed a cat because you're not one" / "...because you're not a vet."

- "How can you vote when you don't live in Washington and aren't fully aware of each issue and the impact of your vote?"

I don't have to have a kid to be able to know right from wrong in raising it. I was fortunate enough to have two great parents myself, which helped immensely in my understanding of child raising. If you're a lazy, disallusioned, unstable, ineffective parent, how does having a kid make you an expert? It doesn't.

I usually get that ridiculous statement thrown at me when I can't help but comment on some kid's lack of respect, poor manners or behavior. Case in point: I have a friend who picks up her private-schooled brat daughters from school every day, and the car ride home is always a screech fest. When they get home, they run around like monkeys on No-Doz, still screeching and yelling out, "Mo-o-o-o-m-m-m! She won't stop looking at me!!" and the mother responds at the top of her lungs, "I told you - I'm on the phone!" "Who are you talking to!!" one of them will bark. "Angela!" "Who's that - I wanna TALK to her!!"

...and so on and so forth. These children have absolutely no couth, no manners, no respect, and their mother thinks the louder she yells, the more effective it is. I've near pleaded with her, telling her life doesn't have to be that way ("Have you never watched 'Super Nanny?'), but she'll always come back with two things: "You don't know because you don't have kids," and "You have to let kids be kids."

UGH!!!

Note - For parents reading this who think that one of the things we do most in MNK is rant on bad parents or bad children, please rethink the sentiment of this post: It's not a rant just to rant. It's a rant because as a CF person, I get very frustrated with friends who try to shut me down with the lamest excuse they think they've invented. I know other people in this room have gotten the same response. Coming in here to relay my story helps me deal with my frustration.

>I'm usually super-nonconfrontational, but I make an exception in a case where children are being endangered by their parents' stupid choices.

Definitely a good point. Before I had my son, I danced very delicately, and only said something if I was asked, or I felt it was important for the child's well-being.

When I had my son, I tried to keep that attitude, not wanting to interfere with a parent's right to guide and discipline their child their way. But I discovered that some parents think that whatever their darling is doing must be fine, even if it hurts another, infringes on another, etc. I would wait a reasonable amount of time (this was when ds was young, and rather door-mat-ish) for the parent to intervene, but I ended up deciding that for my own child's well-being as well has, hopefully, showing that other child a different way, I would sometimes step in and say something to that child. I remember one mother giving me very dirty looks, and then saying something perfunctory to her child (mind you, this is 12-13 years ago, so the details are sketchy) to address what I had just dealt with, but it was obvious she had seen him do whatever, and did nothing about it.

I always thanked anyone who did that for my child (rarely happened, to be honest) because if I didn't see him do something inappropriate, I would LIKE someone too step in rather than just let him get away with [censored].

I respect your attitude towards children/parents and stepping in!
;-)

per-'func-to-ry -adjective: lacking interest, care, or enthusiasm; indifferent or apathetic.

Thanks for adding to my vocabulary, Ms A! It will be my challenge to use this word in a sentence today.

And thanks for your post, too. We really do appreciate parents who take a peek at our feelings/posts and can identify from a human standpoint. We're not the weirdo ogres people think we are, but so many people in real life (outside the forum) just cast us aside or pass judgement on us. So thanks...your validating post is refreshing.

I'm sure you have heard the saying "it takes a village to raise a child". Isn't that what this is all about? Like Ms A said, if I had a child and another adult would point out smoething incorrect in my child's behaviour, there's probably a reason why the adult is doing that - not to annoy, but to help raise that child and teach them right from wrong. "Don't stick your dirty fingers in the candy bowl on display" is a perfect example. The parent will give you the dirty look because they have been exposed for not having lived up to their responsibility and feel threatened. They get defensive.