BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids impact of children

If your mom takes a backseat to what is happening to your dad..then is she strong enough to take care of herself is she lets your sister kill him?

This seems like yesterday for me too! My sister use to do the same [censored]. But my mom was the sick one. Now my mom is deseased and my sister has learned how to take care of herself b/c she had no choice.

I hear you. And I can't help it - if someone is that damaged and had such a hard life, why are they having kids? I'm starting to wonder how many mentally ill women like my sister, and your brother's GF, are in these situations? And what can we even do about it? We tried to get my nephew away from my sister, and she even tested positive for coke during a drug test while she was in a custody battle with my parents, and they STILL gave her custody. Unreal, but that's the system.

Thanks everyone else for your well wishes.

You have a point. I said this to my husband tonight, and he both recognize that everything would fall apart without my Dad. My sister and Mom can't stand each other. Things would be really bad without him around. And my nephew adores my Dad. And he's really worried about everything that is going on.

I'm sorry your Mom had to go through that. I wish there was something that could be done. I don't think my sister would get it together if my Dad wasn't around. I just don't think she will ever get it together. I would be so easy for them to cut her off if my nephew wasn't involved. What a mess!

Maybe they should formally take custody of him since she's obviously an unfit mother. That way they'd be able to cut off communication with her until she cleans up her act, and stop it with all the drama. Since your parents seem to be taking care of him full time anyway, and she's not likely to take him back, why not at least get rid of her?

happy...what an awful situation. Wishing your father well and hoping everything goes well with his procedure. Stints do help alot. My grandfather has had several and I thought my father was going to need one not long ago...I posted about it then and was very worried. Heart problems are scary, but modern medicine can do wonders. I know it is hard not to worry though. I certainly did my share or worrying when it was my dad.

I wish there was some magical advice I could give to end the drama with your sister and her son. My aunt has a similar problem...her daugher (my cousin..call her J) is a total party woman and addicted to who knows what kind of drugs. She has reaked all sorts of havok. She has two kids and her mother was raising them both until she became ill. At that point, another family member took legal custody of the kids because J is certainly not a fit mother and they probably would have gone to foster homes. These situations are always hard and complicated.

Maybe for a temporary fix, someone else could help out with her son off and on while your dad is recovering?? Sending positive thoughts and hugs to you (((((happy))))

Oh Happy, I have just caught up on this thread and this is a horrible stressful situation for you and your family. I am so ANGRY at your sister on your behalf. My close friend's sister and brother in law are in a similar situation. Their son (my close friend's nephew) got his girlfriend pregnant at 19 and both of them are immature and selfish beyond all get out. They had twin girls, would you believe. They completely failed in looking after them, so the poor grandparents (my friend's S and BIL) had to step in and take over and now have semi-adopted them. This was at the point that they were planning to retire and travel in their boat to the Pacific Islands.

Now, several years later, they are sick and stressed out, including he having heart problems. The son broke up with the mother and met someone else. Now everyone seems to want the kids back and the grandparents are desperately trying to protect them from their Dad and their Mum. At various times their son has moved in with them to try to be a father again and he has taken over the household. The whole thing has been one great big shambles with the poor grandparents taking the brunt.

Also, they are lovely people and great parents - their other son is wonderful and now has a successful business in London. They just happened to give birth to a real hopeless case, and now are suffering ongoing consequences.

I know that doesn't really help, Happy, but you and your family are not alone. I wish I could offer some useful advice, but all I can give you are huge hugs right now. And if you want to pick up the phone and give your sister an earful I'm right behind you.

Hi FeeBee, your friend's sister's situation sounds very similar. And, OMG, has to be so much worse with twins! Good God. I feel so bad that the grandfather is having heart problems, too. It really makes me mad that so many people are so clueless about parenting, and encourage people to have kids that aren't equipped. If someone is a complete trainwreck, and becomes pregnant, they should be encouraged to give the child up for adoption. Period.

My Dad is having his procedure this morning, and my nephew called the hospital saying he couldn't wake my sister. So my other sister, his aunt, was going to leave the hospital to take my nephew to school. They finally woke her up, and she's on the phone arguing my poor Dad and justifying why she couldn't get her son to school. As fate would have it, her drama of the week is that her car died. So, most adults would wake up early, and walk their son to school. But my @ss of a sister couldn't handle this. I'm so furious. She's completely worthless, and my parents are going to raise my nephew to adulthood.

To Grey's comment above, my sister won't give my parents custody. They were in a custody battle for a year, and the judge gave my sister custody even though she tested positive for cocaine use. My Dad is threatening her this morning with taking her back to court. But the courts are just as cheesey as everyone else, and always give custody to the parent. Sigh.

O_O She tested positive for cocaine use and STILL got custody? What the HELL?

Yes, if you can believe it. The judge told her they were going to conduct random drug tests, and that if she tested positive for anything, she would have a slim chance of getting her son back. She tested positive, and beyond all reason, they gave her custody. So I don't think if they ruled that way we can ever get him away from her.

Holy moly. So why do they do the drug test at all if they are just going to grant custody even if someone tests positive?????