BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids I used to be more of a liberal

Go Frieda et al! We are seeing EXACTLY the same thing here as we are also affected by rising interest rates, fuel costs and a crashing housing market. We are getting constant media articles about "struggling people" - even last week a family who couldn't afford to buy food one week because of trying to pay their private school fees and the mortgages on their home and holiday hone!!!! DH and I have heated discussions a lot lately on this topic, as we both come from parents/ grandparents who were working class and they knew what struggle was.

I read some of the responses to this article and let's just say this one saves me the trouble of having to succinctly formulate my own:

"We've entered an age where the poor and middle class have vans, 401k's, and mortgages and our media define it as "getting poorer" and "barely getting by." Wonder if they also have cell phones, multiple TV's, cable/satellite, DVD players, HDTV, a PC, hispeed internet, designer-brand clothes, or smoke cigarettes. I know for myself that most of today's "poor and middle class" have these things, yet they are not life necessities and cost hundreds of dollars a month. And we are told they are struggling, not because of their spending, but because of some unfair burden placed on them by our system. The only unfair burden I see is the thousands and thousands they have to pay in income and payroll taxes. The rest they do themselves."

See my response in the other thread to DLEE for more examples of frugal living. I find frugal living to be so satisfying and more comfortable for me.

> even last week a family who couldn't afford to buy food one week because of trying to pay their private school fees and the mortgages on their home and holiday hone!!!!

When my son was little, we pulled him out of public school to put him back in private. Someone I knew who had a much bigger income than we did said, "I can't afford private school. I have three kids." (It was about the least expensive private school you could find in the area. And getting him out of the public school was a necessity that I won't go into here.) Anyway, this woman lived in a big expensive house in a gated community -- her house was worth probably 3 times mine on the market at the time. It was a choice she made -- and the school was a better fit for her kids than mine. We all manage to find solutions if we need to -- and to her, it wasn't worth it.

But even later, when dh was laid off, we never lost our house, we never left a bill unpaid, we made do.

Living within ones means brings such peace of mind!

I bet not only do most of those people who are complaining about not having any money eat out at fast food joints all the time too. A friend of mine decided that every time her fiance decided he wanted to eat out, that she'd go with him, but not order anything and put the money directly into a savings account. Within a few months she had more than an extra month's rent. It was pretty sickening to see how much money just got sucked down that fast food joint.

Even people with healthy incomes fall into these traps. I've done some debt-counselling and the best way to save is to know exactly where your money goes. So many people do not realize how much they spend on consumable goods.

I watched my mother make bread from scratch, can and freeze vegetables that lasted all winter long. When we asked for pizza, we made it. My mother did not buy any processed or prepared foods, ever. We didn't eat out, and we didn't order in. We rarely had pop, my mom would make lemonade from lemons, sugar and water. Making popcorn from popping corn in a pot is MUCH cheaper than all those other snacks. We got by and were happy and always fed.

As a family, we went through some rough financial times, with mortgage rates hitting 18% and still always had food in the house. My parents never received a dime in assistance, not because we wouldn't qualify but because of pride involved. That said, all 4 of us kids, still went to university and college.

My part time jobs and babysitting paid for all my expenses like clothes, bus fare, dances, pictures etc from the time I was 15. By age 18, I earned enough at my part time jobs to afford my own apt. Luckily, my dad convinced me to save it for university instead. Every summer I would work 3 full time jobs to earn as much as possible. One year while in school full time, I also worked full time. It's doable. You just have to want it.

The poor of today have no idea what poor really is. If you can afford cable and cellphones, you are NOT poor. Make smarter choices, delay gratification until you can afford something and educate yourself. If you want a better life, work for it.

Yeesh, it's not rocket science!

Anastasia, that sounds very much like my family AND my husband's. We weren't "technically" poor, but close to it several times. And yet he still wants to just spend money on unnecessary items. Isn't it strange how people can grow up similarly and take very different things away from it? Like with me, because I lived like that I know how much money we can save to put towards important things - like treating ourselves every once in a while, or putting it towards the mortgage, etc. My husband took away from that "well, now that I have money, I am going to buy things that I was never allowed!"

It is funny.

My siblings and I have all turned out differently with the same parents and the same experiences in childhood.

You're right, you either go one way or the other. I did go through a "buy whatever I want, because I can" phase, then I hit 22 and grew up! I used to spend a lot on "consumables" because we never eat out growing up and I LOVED it. Problem is as I grew older I realized what an awesome cook my mom really was since a lot of things never seemed to measure up. Especailly pizza. Now my dh prefers homemade too. It just sucks because it means more work for me!

My brother still spends like there's no tomorrow. I'd say it was a gender thing but my dh is the one that really taught me to save. I don't think my brother will ever really grow out of that phase.

I can only maybe encourage you (if it's a source of conflict in your marriage) to separate your funds. I know a few couples that this works for.

It does seem harder to save with my husband, because whenever we build up enough savings he wants to spend it on something. Usually it's something worthwhile, that will last us forever (like a house project), but sometimes it's something I wouldn't spend money on if it were just me.

My parents weren't quite so ingenius about food, but my DH's mother always had a huge garden, and as a single mom and artist, she was barely scraping by. She raised 4 kids, and they never went hungry. She'd cook food for them out of the garden, almost every night making some concoction that she called "ratatouille" (I don't know if it was authentic ratatouille, or just a combination of whatever veggies were ready for harvest). She was a master of veggies, and a great baker, and they never had processed food in the house either.

The only issue with splitting your accounts is that one spouse can sneak irresponsible purchases and get into debt without the other knowing. You might have seperate accounts and credit scores, but the debt and consequences of debt still affect both of you.

Also, as some of you were saying, good accounting is knowing exactly where your money is. It can be hard to see that if your money is split.

It's interesting how either splitting or sharing accounts work better for different people. Ultimately, I guess it's a matter of trust.

>I did go through a "buy whatever I want, because I can" phase, then I hit 22 and grew up!

Interesting -- recent studies have shown that the brain doesn't reach adult state until at least 21, so you may well have grown up!

Still, there are people in their 40's or older who don't have mature spending habits. Maybe you need to teach them? ;-)

Tress, that's the reason that the overspender always gives their spouse. The trust remains if the lines of communication stays open.

I guess, what I'm talking about is splitting cash not splitting credit and lives.