BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids Can I get some opinions, please?

Feebee, women like you and Pikasam are an inspiration.

Feebee...Thank you for sharing that last post. You have come a long way! Hats off to you for being determined to make the most of out what was a bad situation!

As I read your post, I thought about the next year of my life, which will be my first year divorced. I have plans to buy a home and new car soon (as you might have read in previous posts, my ex and I sold our home last year after he left me), but actually making it happen is the hard part. I also thought of how since my separation, people have sort of come out of no where to help or just be there. My neighbors actually offered for me to move in with them, but I chose to get my own apartment until I find another house to buy. Feebee, your post totally inspired me! Thank you for that...I have to say I needed it

Dlee...I've had to make some changes since separating from my ex, and adjusting to less income is difficult. However, I have to say that it is alot easier to make a budget and stick to it when you don't have a husband spending on silly things and ignoring the budget. In the time I have been separated, I've actually saved money. I am learning to look at life differently now that it is just me. Although it has been hard and painful, I try to look at it as a chance for a new beginning. A chance to start all over and do the things I once wanted to do but didn't for whatever reasons. It would mean the same for you...a chance for you to start over and do things differently and find the right man - one who respects you and loves you for you.

Pikasm...I am very sorry you had to go thru this. I know it was painful and difficult, but you were strong and are now in a better place - good for you! I find connection to your story as I had dated my ex since my first year of college. So, I really had no time in the real world to develop into an adult on my own. Instead,my ex and I became adults together. So, the past year of separation has been very interesting...figuring out who I am as an adult without him and doing things that "I" enjoy. Wow, what a concept!

It takes strength and courage, but it can be done!

Hey CF Gal! Wow, you really are going through a similar thing right now. It is amazing to think I have inspired you - I am so glad!

I had moments during that first year that were really really hard. I remember two in particular. One time playing a piece of very poignant music on a CD in my living room and suddenly finding myself collapsed on the floor, weeping in great heaving sobs. Another time, on a Sunday afternoon (my greatest mental challenge was on a Sunday afternoon when families etc would walk by on the beach outside my houseminding place), lying on the bed just feeling agony that my ex husband was with his new woman, and feeling it was so unfair that I had to struggle and he seemingly didn't (of course it all backfired on him later). But for most of the time I felt inspired and exhilarated by all the things you mention in your words to DLEE.

The other great thing was making decisions and then just acting on them straight away, with no negotiation.

I am so proud of you moving into your own apartment and being independent. Break your car and house goals into manageable small steps and reward yourself each time one is achieved. You have SO much happiness to come - how exciting!

(((((((((((((Pikasam))))))))))))

Hi everyone - finally managed to catch up with the Forum - I`ve missed you guys!
Personally, I have often found that bad experiences in life help shape us and often, make us stronger - giving us an urgency to push past barriers and get on with life - to take up challenges, to be braver with decision making...etc. The end result can be something formidable and amazing...
Dlee - I agree that you need to ask yourself...whether the relationship is meeting YOUR needs - if not, you need to speak to your husband making clear that things MUST change - the ball is in his court...
Great to catch up with some of the discussion - we`re heading for HK tomorrow - home on the 17th - then I can REALLY catch up with the Forum!!!

Wow, you women are SO inspirational. Doing it on your own terms. I am awed by the inner fortitude that all these accomplishments take.

I have faced a lot of outward stress in my life, but that seems so easy compared to the emotional upheaval that being betrayed by someone you love can be.

All I can say is, Bravo!

I had one really sad break up when I was in my 20's, with a guy I lived with (his decision to break up, though he was right, and I should have done it sooner). For about 2-3 weeks I was just devastated. At a certain point though, a wave of relief poured over me, and I was so glad to be moving on. I had to find a new place to live, and felt at the time like all my friends were "his" friends more.

But the same thing happened where people came out of the woodwork and suddenly I had a great social life with friends from work and elsewhere. I hadn't counted on that at all. It's amazing how a person alone in the world is almost the most open to opportunities.

Then, I found a room to rent in a lovely Victorian in a great location, with an older single guy (who owned the house). A year later we ended up married. You just never know!!!

That's a lovely story Frieda!