BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids "I have no time for myself" - I don't buy it

I'm sick of this vanity culture that says women always have to look preened and "hot." I came of age in the 70's with the natural look and I still don't wear makeup and rarely shave my legs.Guess what? I'm always mistaken for being in my early 30s! There are many different ways to take care of yourself, mine is not putting [censored] like lead and other chemicals on my face! Screw stilettos, give me a pair of Dansko clogs or Birks anyday!

Amen to that, DaughterOfDada! I didn't come of age in the 70s, but I wear very little makeup and rarely shave my legs. I take good care of my skin and look younger than I am. I never, ever wear high heels and you'll usually find me in my gardening clogs or Birkenstocks. There's a difference between "taking care of yourself" and preening to the point of ridiculousness. My beauty regime (if you could call it that) takes very little time and can easily be done by any parent.

In my experience, the mothers who take care of themselves and look well put-together are the ones who are happy with their lives and their decision to have children. The ones who "lose their looks" either are unhappy that they have children and lose interest in their looks as a reflection of that unhappiness, or would be slovenly even without the extra time constraint of parenthood and are glad to have an excuse. That's just my opinion, of course.

I don't think so much that the need to be "gorgeous" with nice clothes, and makeup is needed. It's just a matter of not looking like you just crawled out of a garbage can. If you can't find 10 minutes to shower...pick the little one up...and take your shower. Thats what my parents did when I was being a hellion and they needed to shower.

You don't need to be a fashion icon while you are a parent, but you should make some effort to have good personal hygiene skills. Especially since you are the primary role model for a little tyke.

Skeeter

Hey, I'm all for showers and toothpaste and deodorant...as long as it's Tom's of Maine or another more "natural" product. I do live in Southern California and most of the moms I see have nannies so they are able to look posh. I'm the weirdo hippie chick in my neighborhood, lol!

Well, I'd find the time to be clean--probably not the house, but me and the kid--but the extra kid time would take away from the "me time" which I really do need to be mentally healthy. It probably stems from being a shy only child, but I REALLY need me time. I also really need to feel like I look like myself. Sometimes this requires good hair, makeup and high heels and sometimes I'm cool with mascara, lipstick, tennies and a track suit, but I always need to feel good about the way I present myself. Good or bad, it boosts my confidence (which I don't have a whole lot of, BTW).

I pass no judgement on others' appearances. However you want to dress is cool with me. I just gotta be me. And I fear I wouldn't be able to take the time to present myself as me, if I had a kid.

When I step out of the shower in the morning, I'm already less than ten minutes from ready. I brush my teeth, run a brush through my hair, put on deodorant, throw on clothes and shoes, load my pockets (I rarely carry a purse), and walk out the door. (I don't fuss with my hair, which is simply cut, I have a simple, easy to mix-and-match wardrobe, and I don't even own make up.)

How difficult is that? I leave the house clean, presentable, and ready to face the day with little time and effort. I honestly believe that a (healthy) mother who can't do that for herself either has lost control in her own house (too many young kids or poorly trained kids) or simply isn't trying.

Sure, getting the kids ready takes more time, but taking a quick shower and ten minutes to get herself together can make a world of difference in so many respects for a mother and her children. Those who don't make that time (with a few exceptions) have only themselves to blame.

I think that the potential lack of "me" time is one of the many reasons I don't want kids. I really think that it's very important to have time to one's self, to just "be" and relax, doing whatever helps one relax the most.

That said, even if I did lose my mind and have a kid, I still don't think that I would ever give up on my personal grooming - whether that means that the little one would just have to hang out in the bathroom as I get ready or hang with DH, I still have a standard that I like to keep as far as what I look like when I leave the house. Sometimes that means more makeup, and sometimes that means very little. For me, it comes down to how my skin looks and whether I've had any recent blemishes that have to be covered up or not. I wish I were lucky enough to leave the house without makeup (it's such a hassle, but I do have it down to a few-minute routine, which is pretty nice in the mornings when I'm running late)! Though I would look OK, I still have a couple of spots that I feel are better to cover up first. I usually don't have to do a whole lot to make my hair look good, and on those bad hair days, I'm not at all hesitant to put my hair in a claw or a ponytail.

It's not that I think all parents should still look "hot", but I do think that it's important to not let yourself go, even if you are way busy all the time - it doesn't set a good example for the offspring if you just stop caring about yourself.

It also depends on your work environment. I could care less how people dress in their off time but when coming to work in a professional environment, it's not too much to ask that people look presentably groomed and clean.

In my experience, I've only seen mothers come to work with unwashed, unkempt hair and blame their children.

OT Rant: Hey, your kids are 11 & 13. If you parented them at all, they wouldn't require you to drag them out of bed and stand over them to get dressed for school so that you could take 15 minutes to take a shower! Sorry, this bugs the he!! out of me.

The main thing on the makeover shows, that I see, is that the moms dress the kids in current styles, groom the children, and then have not had a haircut in 10 years, wear either sweatpants or the same clothes they've had for 10 years, therfore totally dated and out of style, like acid wash tapered jeans, etc.

You don't have to wear makeup and get hilights, per se, but you don't have to look like a bum from the 80s either. I think that's the main idea.

I worked with a single Mom years ago, and she literally came in with two different socks one day. Her life was awful, and she had moved back in with her parents b/c her husband was an alcoholic. But she wasn't that focused on work - she was all about meeting guys, and hanging out in bars in her spare time. I think if you are focused you can get your act together. But I do think it's hard to find time for yourself, and this increases exponentially with each child. If a woman is that frazzled and has a spouse at home she needs to insist on getting some help. AND, if he isn't willing to help, he should hire someone to help his wife. She shouldn't have to do it all!!!