BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids What would you do...

Interesting dilemma indeed.

It happened to me. We weren't married, but as good as. I left :-)

If we'd been married, or maybe even living together, I would have taken the counselling option. Once you're that far into it, you have enough invested to not just throw it away. As it was, it was easy to bail and that's probably why I did.

Interestingly enough - he said I could have "talked him out of it". Why, though, would you want to do that? Once someone has expressed a desire to have children, regardless of where that desire is coming from, are they going to be happy to be "talked around"? Are you going to be happy always looking over your shoulder? Or are they going to live their lives wondering if they missed out on something, while you live in fear that they'll walk away?

Deep and meaningful indeed. Just a bad situation all round...

Not exactly the same, since in both cases of people I know, there was a child to start with, and in both cases the husband wanted another child, the wife didn't. One, the husband divorced his wife (this is the one I don't know particularly, so can't say if there were other marital problems, or just that he felt the desire for another child outweighed the marriage), the other, they are still together, still with just one child. So, I think that it really depends on what value the person puts on having the child, vs maintaining the marriage.

Argh, I think that's even worse. It's interesting that he'd divorce his wife over the issue. Why would you screw over the child you have, if you truly have the best interests of your child/ren at heart, and are having them for the right reasons? Not to mention that there are never any guarantees that you'll form another relationship, so maybe you should think twice about throwing over the one that's already on a plate in front of you?

It must be miserable to go through life thinking that what you have is never enough. Yet so many people do it. I'll never understand. :-(

(Sorry, am I ranting again? :-))

One of the reasons I chose DW is that, unprompted, not knowing my POV on such things, she said she didn't want children many years ago. She answered the $64,000 question with the perfect answer. (Well, that and a few other things, too...but that was the deal-breaker). Had she said that she ***might have*** wanted kids.... I would have walked away (at least from being anything else other than friends). Knowing her past history, she would have to be taken over by booty snatchers for such desire to pop up.

Of course, there were no children involved back then, as now. But the odds of her changing her mind at 47, with me being 40, are about the odds of me becoming President of the US -- possible, but as close to zero as you could possibly get.

Wow...if I had a husband who changed his mind about such an issue, we'd have to take the counseling route. Hopefully he would change his mind because I just don't think I could go thru all that 9 months of misery just for him. Plus the fact that afterward I'd have to work and take care of the kid. Sorry...I guess he'd have to choose to leave me if he wasn't going to change his mind.