BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids This reinforces why I am cf

Ug! That is so hideous.

I have a friend/coworker whose husband is not in the best of health, and older. They had one child early on in their marriage, and 13 years later she wanted a 2nd. He did not. He's exhausted, sick, and they also struggle financially. Well, of course, she could not stand to be "deprived" and got pregnant.

He's a sweet man, but complains constantly about his situation, and looks at me and my husband enviously. Their second son is now about 8, and more of a handful than the first kid. The dad makes a lot of comments about us like "They really know how to live...".

I think both people need to want to have a child, otherwise it's manipulation and not good for the kid.

That is so sad It is women like that, that give decent, respectable, mature women a bad name.

I guess I should be privileged that I managed to avoid such succubus-style women. In my younger days, I feel I could have been taken in by such userers, being non-outgoing and not sure of myself.

My brother was successful, worldly and street wise and he got caught...
Her ex is a quiet man - I actually feel sorry for him and can understand his resentment - he was manipulated out of existence.
I can't stand being around this woman - my DH & I have distanced ourselves and only see them every 3 months or so... (for my mothers sake)
I simply can't befriend someone I don't respect...we don't want her and her kids in our life.
If my brother has decided to "put up with it" then that's his choice - I think he also, realizes that he'd be "starting again" financially if he walked away...
I just don't think most men realize they are playing Russian roulette when they don't use condoms with someone they haven't known all that long...
You don't know who you're dealing with...until it's too late.

Re: Condoms
My previous post probably should say that men play Russian Roulette when they allow the woman to handle contraception...
initially I said "someone you haven't known all that long"...WRONG
One of the accountants at work was oopsed by a LTGF - he walked and pays child support - he's never seen his son...
So, men have to be careful full stop.

So true.

I hate to say this about my gender, but some women are so manipulative. Some men too, but it's harder for a man to trap a woman.

My DH's childhood friend was oopsed at age 43 by his live-in gf of 5 years. She had a 15 & 10 year old and he believed her when she said she was taking birth control. Problem was, she wanted to get married and he didn't. Her best friend got pregnant and I guess she got baby fever and decided it would be a good way to get him to marry her. They have a one year old girl now and still are not married. He refuses.

We went for dinner with them a couple of weeks ago. She is frustrated that he wasn't overly involved with caring for his daughter and she seems very tired and at the end of her rope. I think in her heart of hearts, she regrets having a baby without his support and consent. Their relationship surely has changed.

That enrages me, to see that. If one person says "no, I don't want a kid", and the other MAKES them have a kid, I liken that to rape. It's life altering, even if the father walks away he KNOWS there's a kid out there that came from him. If he's a responsible sort, he'll end up paying for it for years. If he doesn't know himself too well, he might be sucked into that relationship permanently when he really should have left, so EVERYONE'S miserable.

I think he's okay with it NOW.

He weighed the pros and cons and since his divorce over 10 years ago, he has been really lonely. He's just a nice, quiet, sort of nerdy guy that will not go out to meet women. He's known me for over 20 years and I can still make him stutter and turn red if I give him too much focused attention (i.e. flirt with him). He's not all that comfortable around women.

His mother is estatic. He's an only child so she loves having a grandchild. She gave up years ago. He just figures this is what his life is going to be. Hopefully the gf won't nag the hell out of him because he will quietly just move out. That's what he did when his ex-wife got all over his case. He doesn't fight back, he just gets out when he can no longer take it.

Grey, This is exactly how I feel. Dunno if I'd have arrived at it if you hadn't put it into those words. Thanks for doing so.

Here's a question.....My husband got his ex-girlfriend pregnant six years ago. She told him she would have an abortion, he agreed he didn't want the responibility of fatherhood. Then three months later she told him she changed her mind and went ahead and had the baby. He has financially supported the child since she was born; however, has not seen the child. Do you think he is being morally irresponsibile by not being in her life? If he says no and the woman says yes, is he just expected to be there? I struggle with these thoughts often. I would love to hear any feedback. Thanks.

No-one can make anyone have a kid. Men have in their power to protect themselves. Why don't they?