BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids This reinforces why I am cf

How funny! The crazy cat man! LOL!

My worst nightmare would be if I did, in my younger days, father a child inadvertently. I never assumed anything, but the fear of ... accidents ... always made things less exciting and more fearful.

Not that I did such things when I was younger, but because I was a thinker about actions and consequences in the future, such overriding thoughts took away from the enjoyment of such acts.

I admit, the times that I ... ahem... did such things as a younger guy was very very limited, that fear probably kept me from involving myself in such activities that other horny guys would ... sorry ... jump right into without a second thought.

He wasn't happy to become known as the "crazy cat man" Frieda - so we've stayed with 2 cats...
Duane - my DH was similar - he was careful as well...
He had a few friends in college that regularly "picked up" girls at the Pub - these guys often ended up with problems - STDs, unplanned pregnancies and/or emotional and heated scenes with girls that felt they had been deceived or misled...my DH felt he was better out of that scene. So, he was either single, dating or with a steady GF...much less complicated IHO. He also, says it wasn't his nature/style to pursue a stream of women for casual sex...
One of his friends married at 22 after his GF became pregnant - the marriage failed largely because they didn't love each other - they married because of the pregnancy.
My DH said he NEVER wanted to lose control of his life or feel compelled to marry someone because of a pregnancy OR walk away but be tied to someone financially & in other ways because of an unplanned child. He is not the sort of man who would have been happy walking away knowing he had a child out there - he's far too responsible a person...
I wonder how many men actually take this view - I suspect Duane and my DH are in the minority.

THis is my hubby too. He was always responsible because his mother was quick to point out young couples with babies when he was growing up. "See that young man," she'd tell him. "He had to marry that young woman because he got her pregnant. While his friends are out having a good time, He had to drop out of school and get a job and his life is going to be much more difficult because he had to do the right thing."

He said he grew up being afraid of getting a young woman pregnant, even before he know how that actually occured. My MIL used the scared straight routine and it worked!

Part of my thinking process, after I learned about sex, is that I always kept first and foremost in my brain:

SEX = CHILDREN

I never forgot that.

Part of being in the CF/thinking mindset kept that in the front of my brain my entire life when it came to sex. I only lost control of that mindset once in my life -- and I HATED that feeling of desire without consequences, looking back on it. Yes, I used protection on those times when I did, but as time went on, there was a risk analysis that I performed in my brain -- and more and more often, the risk of pregnancy with that person, with a LIFE-LONG payment/commitment/guilt factor overrode the desire to "just do it." All it takes is for one condom to leak/break and my life is ruined. Think about it -- all that is between me and a hell of a lot of financial commitment for the rest of my life is this thin plastic transparent tube thing. That thought scares the WILLIES outta me. I got lucky in my "wild oats" period of my life when I was exploring. Even then, I wasn't into the "casual sex for the sake of sex" thing. I tried to form relationships, but eventually even that emotional toll hit me hard, so I decided to settle down. And I did.

If I were to have fathered a child, my options would NOT include asking the woman to have an abortion. I could not, in all honesty, do that. I would feel compelled to support that child, my responsibility. Abandoning that responsibility would be just wrong!

This world would be a better place if young guys would think about the consequences of the casual screw. They literally think with another body part first, damned the potential consequences. I can honestly say that there are no little Duanes out there that I have conceived.

Are thinkers like me in the minority? I hate to say this, but yes. I was always the "nice shy guy". Who got all the action, so to speak? The "outgoing smug aholes" who just wanted to get into a woman's pants. I think if the women were asked here, the number of "nice shy guys" that were encountered were few and far between -- the "outgoing smug aholes" outnumbered the nice guys by a large factor.

Overall, I don't like being associated with "typical guys" because I am NOT a typical guy. I care about others. I have feelings. I think about how my actions/words will affect others before I do/say anything. Arrogance is not in my vocabulary. If it comes down to having to decide, say, in a tight space, whether I should go or let the other person through, I will willingly let the other person go through first, with me waiting, until the coast is clear for me to proceed. In other words, people can easily perceive me as a wimp. So be it -- that is how I am, and that is how I treat people -- the way I would like to be treated.

However, if someone tries to mess with my wife, all bets are off. That includes HER family members. Her sister was acting like a [censored], and yelling at my wife. Let me just say that since that time, DW's sister is VERY careful what she says and how she says it when I'm around. No, nothing physical, but verbal threats were made which put her in her place.

I guess I'd better wrap this up...it's getting late.

You sound very like my DH Duane...
My DH was doing his Masters in Science (Organic Chemistry) when we met - I loved going into the Lab and watching him work. He was very quiet and reserved, had lovely manners and an amazing brain. My friends in Law thought he was "a bit of a nerd"..."zero dress sense"...too quiet" or "too conservative"...he didn't really like parties or dinner parties - preferring one-on-one communication.
I remember taking him to a dinner party at a friends house - 5 lawyers and my DH - he couldn't get a word in edge ways!
He's more comfortable in company now (& even takes an interest in clothing!) but still likes/needs his quiet time...
Give me a "nerd" any day...

There is a dark side to fretting so much about having kids. One of my ex boyfriends got THE TALK from his mom once a year, every year, on his BIRTHDAY. (because she could remember to give him that talk then) I can tell you, it really made for a lousy love life because he could just not let go of his mom nagging him about his possibly having a kid if he has sex. :: shudders :: I never want kids, but I LOVE sex. No reason why it can't be done correctly though!

Your husband and Duane are def. the minority. I see all these families with two, three, etc. kids and I don't think the dad's are even "there" anymore. It seems the women want more kids and they just keep having them. When the women get in a group you hear them talk about how much they want to keep having kids but you never hear the dad's say anthing about it. It is like they just don't have their own opinion anymore and they just go along with anything. Wife and husband may have not had any discussions other than the kids, don't spend any time together, and probably never just hang out..but they get pregnant and bring more children into their disfunctional marriage?????

Hope this made sence..I am high on cold medication...

It does actually - my brothers partner had 3 children with her ex - he was basically used as a sperm donor - he deeply resents the existence of his youngest child - she had kicked him out of the family home then 3 years later decided SHE'D like another child so, suggested a reconciliation - got pregnant with the 3rd and then booted him out again...Needless to say, her kids are a mess.
She usually refers to their father as the "d******d"..."the moron"..."the loser"...on and on
She "oopsed" my brother after knowing him for 2-3 months...her friends are all the same - simply use men as sperm donors & meal tickets, they seem to have kids to satisfy their own needs and desires without a SINGLE thought for the kids, existing or future...
I thought it was very telling recently - one of her young cousins was saying her BF doesn't want to have kids yet - "M" (my brothers GF) said, "Oh, don't worry about that - there are things you can do"....She caught herself and changed the topic abruptly - she forgot I was sitting there...
I should add all of her friends have absent husbands/BF etc and kids with problems....not surprising really - the men and kids don't really factor into the equation.
It seems it's fine for these women to have children and achieve financial security by any means...
Not people I could ever respect...

Gosh, and the cycle continues. These children will probably grow up just as messed up as the mothers.