BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids Why do you WANT children?

And I'm actually much nicer now. I used to have zero interest in kids and never noticed if they were cute or whatever. It's like they weren't even there.

Gosh, I am experiencing the total opposite. I am 37 yrs. and with each passing year the more I don't want to be bothered with children. I told my DH the next job transfer to whatever the next place, I want to avoid planned communities.

I seem to get aggervated if we are in a rest. and a family is close or just wherever we go and I see kids. Which sucks b/c I live in the MAJOR SUBURBS..but like I have said once b/f, I have to live here b/c...since Hurricane Katrina..things are not the same closer to the city.

I don't want to age...but I can't wait to be able to move into one of the those planned adult/no kids communites. NOW, I don't hate kids,I just prefer to NOT be around them.

If anyone's wondering where the (current) culture of fear came from, take a look at who is in the White House. Who raises the terror alert every time his approval ratings drop? Who is fear-mongering every five minutes? Who is convincing the American public that it's not safe out there?

Yes, there have been alarmists for all kinds of things in the last decade (kidnapping, drugs, alcohol, sex, molesters, etc.) but I think in the last seven years, there has been a grand puppet master. Because when people are already on edge, they tend to buy into the other alarmists' theories much more easily. It trickles down.

That being said, I have not bought into this whole "fear" thing. I don't think the world is a more dangerous place. Just teach your child how to live in it. I was almost kidnapped off my front lawn by a complete stranger when I was 7 - I WASN'T kidnapped because I was smart. Kids are a lot smarter than parents give them credit for. I was also allowed to run wild when I was a kid, and nothing bad happened to me or any of my friends. We never fell down a drain pipe or broke our legs or did anything illegal. Because we were taught how to be safe and we were taught that if we did anything bad, our parents would find out and we'd never leave the house again.

I see it again and again - today's parents are convinced the world is out to get their child, and they are either too protective, so the second their kid goes off to college he goes completely out of control, or they instill so much fear that their child is afraid to walk on the high beam because she thinks she'll fall and break her legs.

And really, I still see lots of kids who get dropped off places without their parents, then picked up later.

But that aside, kids do other things, too, to gain personal responsibility. My son either studies and does his homework or gets poor grades -- not my job to do his homework. He gets to class or not at college. He does his computer lab well or not -- his job.

He also has a very part-time job (making chainmail footbags, believe it or not!) He is the one who talks with the business owner, not me. He is the one who decides when and how many of what color to make, not me.

So there are a host of ways anyone can gain personal responsibility. (Granted, the jury is still out on my kiddo -- he isn't an adult yet, nor in college f/t, nor working f/t! But he seems to me to be heading the right way.)

>I don't want to age...but I can't wait to be able to move into one of the those planned adult/no kids communites.

My parents love kids -- but love living in their community. Lots of activities and nice neighbors...

>If anyone's wondering where the (current) culture of fear came from, take a look at who is in the White House

Well, W has exacerbated the situation, but it predates him. However, because he lied and got us in Iraq, I DO worry about the draft being reinstated. My only child is a boy, ya know....

>I was almost kidnapped off my front lawn by a complete stranger when I was 7 - I WASN'T kidnapped because I was smart. Kids are a lot smarter than parents give them credit for.

Glad you were smart enough to scat! But as I said, the kids that AREN'T smart enough to avoid often don't live to tell the tale.

>they instill so much fear that their child is afraid to walk on the high beam because she thinks she'll fall and break her legs.

Funny, that -- my ds went on a river rafting trip with scouts last summer. The troop (but not my son) had been on it once before, and there was a cliff about 30' that those who wanted to could jump off. I really didn't want my son to do it -- but kept my mouth shut, so he could make up his own mind. All week they were gone, I was fretting...

He got back with his arm in an ace bandage. Although no one in the troop believed him when he told them, it was indeed a broken wrist.

He never jumped off that cliff. But when they were leaving that spot, as he was helping launch the raft, he slipped on a mossy rock and broke it. (How boring!)

You just never know what will happen in life!

Amen Ingilbert! George W. has indeed encouraged the culture of fear. Sad.
I, too, was almost kidnapped when I was 12. I was walking home from the town library and someone tried to get me in their car. I got away and ran as fast and as far as I could. I got lucky. I'm still not crazy about even walking through my neighborhood alone. But the lesson learned was to be aware of everything and everyone around me when I am out alone.

Mrs. A. - love your example of how your son broke his wrist. It's true - you never know what will happen in life.

Inglebert, The currect culture of fear is deplorable. W and his croneys have used it to the nth degree in their favor and I don;t agree with that. Ms A, I share your fear. My nephews are 16 and 20 and so sweet and immature. (The 16 year old is my Godson.) I fear for thier lives if they were drafted.

You're all probably right. It's probably not more dangerous now than it used to be, we just have more 24 hour news shows, the internet, etc. I was always careful, other people weren't. When everyone else started being careful to, it just felt like it must have gottem more dangerous, I think.

I was chased down the street by a couple of weirdos when I was 14. I was robbed at gunpoint three times when I was 19. And I grew up in (and still live in) a very nice, safe, middle-class suburban neighborhood. If my mother hadn't raised me to be cautious, I shudder to think what could have happened to me. I don't think it's good for kids to be scared, but they need to be aware. Some of my friends were so clueles, I wounder what would have happned to them if they were in my shoes.

The joy of parenting.

i agree with this, but b/c of my overly protective upbringing, i fear that if i had decided i DID want kids, that i'd be an anxious, overly protective mom. that's one of a hundred reasons i don't want to parent. i think i'd be afraid of everything. as a child who was raised with a high level of protectiveness, i'm lucky that i've grown to be so competent and independent. it did not, however, come easily for me, and i still struggle with taking risks and needing a lot of validation. it's sad, but its' how i was raised and all i can do is continue to do the work on myself that i've done and find experiences to make me more confident and self assured.

This is so me. I really get you. The fact that my dad threatened to kidnap me didn't help my mother & grandmother's already overprotective natures. I do not take risks. I wouldn't even get a student loan for college because the idea of starting off my young life in debt was that scary.

Instead, I saved nearly every penny I made since I started wotking at 16 and bought a house at 23--pretty much unheard of where I live. Buying a house was mine, a safe place my husband and I could come home to. (A house is tangeable, an education is not.) Paying the mortgage while working and putting ourselves through school was always a challenge, but for me it was necessary.

I actually don't think I'd be an over-protective parent, but I think the RISK of not knowing what you're getting is a risk I'm not willing to take. I like the freedom of being CF, so I'd only want one child (my mother assures me that I didn't change her lifestyle in huge ways) but what if I had an hyper kid, a retarded or disabled kid? Children are a lifetime commitment, but a child like that is a true lifetime commitment.

I know how I am. I'd give 100% of myself to that child and I'd lose myself as well as my relationship with my husband. I am not willing to lose the relationship I have with him even more than I'm not willing to lose myself. What we share togehter is just too huge for that.

FOr me, parenthood is about risks and I'm not willing to take that risk. There's just too much to lose.

I myself don't deplore the way many parents today are protective of their children to prevent physical harm or injury. I am 100% behind any safety device such as car seats, safety gates for toddlers, etc. I also didn't let my children swim unattended, roam the neighborhood when very young, walk in deserted areas when not in a group, walk home at night, etc. This is because being safe is often so easy to do and being injured or assaulted can be so devastating. I practice these safety precautions myself and although I lose a little freedom, I gain a lot of peace of mind.

On the other hand, I DO deplore the lack of independence that I see in many children today. The whole school scene is filled with parents who run their children's academic lives. I see many young adults going to college, switching majors several times and extending their time at college while their parents foot the bill. Then some graduate only to find that they can't get jobs because they chose a major that has few job prospects. The parents often let them live at home for free. And I forgot to mention how they buy their children cars, computers, etc. One parent I know even bought their child a condo when he graduated. It's nice if you have the money to do this but is it a good idea? Why not instill a sense of financial responsibility in your child. It is this kind of "overprotectiveness" that I do think is harmful to children.

Hoooo yeah. Wearing a helmet when riding is just sensible (I have seen some moms that want to keep that helmet on all the time though, and that's just going into crazy land) but this ENTITLEMENT thing just rots those kids from the inside out.

Why I want to have a child...
1. I get a better chance to get help for college.
2. I get all kinds of goverment money to life off of so I dont have to work my a$$ off for nothing and still have nothing after taxes!
3. I get a tax break and money back from my tax return and it is in the 4 digits or more range at the VERY lest!
4. my medical bills are paid for!
5. Someone else raises them for me so after nine months I dont have to do anything else because then they go to daycare and school for the next 18+ yrs so they wont bug me too much!
6. I dont get bingoed at every turn for not having kids.
7. I am an insteant REAL ADULT WOMAN!
8. I get more respect!
9. I have an excuse to be fat!
10. I can maniplulate people better because they feel sorry for my kids.
11. I dont get stuck working the crapy shifts at work.
12. I have a biult in excuse for not going to work (no babysitter kids sick...ect)
13. I get praised just for breathing and breeding!
14. I have my own holiday!
15. I have an excuse to be bossy to everyone I know!

yeah why wouldnt anyone want to have kids? the more the better! this is just the top 15 reasons that I have thought of for wanting kids.

ps I dont have kids unless you count my invisible son and imagenary daughter but since I cant count them as dependents on my taxes (and I did check into it bty and they said NO!) so I am guessing that they dont count much here either.... and my dogs Chewy and Coco... (I cant count them on my taxes either! just so you know!)

pss... I in no way mean to offend the GOOD mothers how love and put there kids health and wellfare above everything else like a good mother or father should but to those how go out and have kids for the money and tax right off or anything on the list above and have no care or concern for your kids and who I have [censored] off well just know this " I DO NOT CARE!!!!!" and "I will sleep better knowing that you are [censored] because it means maybe next time you will think about your kids and the people how have to raise them before you pop out any more!!!"

bad day ranting sorry! I had to call cps to come get a 4yr old girl that wondered into my yard today. Easter sunday and the parents didnt even know she was gone! poor thing had bruses all over her and she was hungery! she was at my house when we came home from my mil's house at 3 and stayed until 6pm when the police came out to the house. I called to report her as lost and abused about an hour after we got home because I thought surely someone would come looking for her...but them I saw bruses on her and thought it would be better to call the police then to let her go home!
the police agreed! I dont even know if they know where her parents are or how she is the only thing she would tell me was Im hungery and Dont hurt me! Happy Easter! HA HA HA
bad parents should be shot!

reason 16 to have kids, When you get tired of dealing with them you can let the state have them! and #17 they make great punching bags!

yeah know this I will sleep much better knowing that bad parents are strealized and can no longer breed!