BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids Why do you WANT children?

I think I'd have to agree with Mike and Ms A that the world isn't necessarily worse today that it used to be. I think so many things have changed for the better. There is so much more awareness about abuse today. I sometimes think that the same sorts of bad things used to happen but the only difference is that few people knew about it; it was all kept secret. Now it's all over the news and that just makes it SEEM like more abuse is occurring but I suspect that it really isn't any worse.

But I guess a lot of enjoyment can be had when you don't know you are in danger and perhaps that is what makes the past seem rosy. I used to walk the neighborhood when I was little but I wouldn't let my children have the same sort of freedom. It was probably just as dangerous then but I just didn't know that and that makes all the difference.

You might well be right about the rose tinted glasses. I just think of the times that we would diappear on the weekends at 9am with our friends, and as long as we came home for dinner, nobody cared and nobody worried. We would be miles from our homes, catching eels in the creek, using newly constructed houses for climbing gyms, hurtling down huge hills on our skates or skateboards. Nowadays kids aren't allowed to leave the house without their cellphone, and even if your kid was, I'm sure none of their friends would be.

I remember the fun we had making the daily 6 km trip to school with our friends, on our bikes, on our skates, on foot. Wouldn't happen for most kids now, their parents would insist on dropping them off and picking them up.

I remember holidaying at the beach, and spending hours swimming or exploring by yourself while your parents, totally unconcerned, would snooze in the sun at the cottage. Who in their right mind would allow children unsupervised around water now?

I remember at 14, skating the half hour home from the rink alone at 2am on Sunday mornings, after the late session had finished and we had stayed to clean up. Would you allow your teenage daughter to walk home through one of the "rougher" areas of the city at 2am now?

These are the freedoms I think of. And before you all leap up and say how terrible my parents must have been - that was totally the norm for when and where I grew up. If I had kids, I'd want them to have the same thing. Would it happen? Hellz no, because some busybody would be calling social services on me for being a "neglectful parent" and allowing such carry on.

The culture of fear in which we live saddens me. All very well to say that "we know how dangerous it is" - but when we project our fears on to our children, I'm sure it takes a lot of the fun out of their lives.

Anyway, thank you for listening to my random, sauvignon blanc fuelled ramblings!

Your childhood sounds lovely, Pikasam, and I think most everyone would like children to have such carefree experiences. My dad constantly threatened to kidnap me (and I come from an overprotective family anyway) so I didn't have (or want--I'm careful myself) such freedom because my mother was afraid he'd go throough with it.

That said, I agree with you. I think things are much worse today. And I think it's really sad. I love movies like "Stand By Me" where kids go off on an adventure. I guess maybe small town/country kids can still camp out at night, etc, but even kids in the suburbs can't do that kind of thing any more.

I raise my glass of chilled rose wine in your direction.

I agree with you Pinkasm - we've bought into the culture of fear that has been created and today's children suffer because of it. Kids aren't even allowed to scrape their knees. Unfortunately, this hyper protectiveness is starting to backfire. Apparently children are growing up overly afraid of failure and in constant need of validation. They are afraid to go out and try new things. You can't learn to be a financially and socially independent person if you are sheltered from the possibility of anything and everything bad. Parents think they are doing their kids a favor right now, but when they're still financially taking care of their kids well into their 20's and 30's, I'm guessing they'll wish they had encouraged a little more risk taking.

Are there bad things in the world? Yes. But I think there are far more good things than bad. How can a child grow up to develop their own sense of identity if they are constantly being warned to be afraid? It's just too much hyper-protectiveness today. Kids should be able to go outside and play and get dirty. They should be allowed to get scrapes and bruises because it's not the end of the world.

I had a lot of freedom too as a kid. We were rarely if ever driven to school, much less picked up. We walked or rode bikes everywhere, until we could drive and had access to a car. My mom worked so I was a latchkey kid, and the only rule was to come home when the streetlights came on. It may have been a little TOO much freedom though...we got a little mischevious.

Sometimes I wonder if parents are braver than we are, or more optimistic? Are they better able to block out all these fears about the world? My biggest concerns would not be pedophiles or kidnapping, because I realize that is rare. My fears involve more environmental catastrophe, natural disaster, global warming type of fears about what the future holds.

Fair enough. I've always known I didn't want kids, so I can go along with this. I guess when what you want goes against the norm, it makes you question things. That's why I asked why people want kids. I just don't know what it's like to feel that way about children.

For example, my old doggie passd away in the summer of 2006 and I went a little crazy looking for a dog to adopt. It was all-consuming. One day, as I dragged my exausted self off to work (I'd been staying up till 2 AM every night scouring the internet for dogs) I realized that I must be feeling like people who are trying like mad to adopt a baby or get pregnant. My home was so empty without my pup there and I had to fill the void. NOW.

I'm glad!


I think a lot of parents feel that way. And I'm glad you do.



We're not "normal" thinkers in this forum. Don't apologize for that. FOr me, I thought getting married young was cool. I found the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with, so once we saved up the money to buy our home and have a nice wedding, we went for it. I found it odd when people asked us why we were getting married if we didn't want children and I didn't realize then how many times I'd hear that one over the years.

Thanls for your input CrochetQueen. I'm learning to knit and I find it hard enough to take the time to practice knitting with my 2 dogs around, let alone having kids around. More power to ya!

Thanks Kim,

If you need help with your knitting feel free to ask me, I will help you get addicted errrrr I mean I will help you with your knitting, hahahahahaha.

Eva

You think the dogs are bad? Try trying to learn to knit with a yarn-eating cat in the house...


<-----Annoying little freakshow

I too am saddened by the culture of fear we have today. And I have to question - if children are not allowed the freedom of going out alone or with friends without having an adult in attendance, then how in the heck are they ever going to learn anything about personal responsibility?

Myrabeth, you do make me chuckle.