BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids I am furious!!

I'm definitely in favor of DLEE taking a day off in the middle of the week to spend packing his stuff, putting in on the lawn, and calling a locksmith.

Oh and Dlee? Thinking back, I bet his son left his email up on the computer on purpose, he was probably hoping you'd see it and leave his dad. Not saying you shouldn't accommodate him on that since your DH (and I'm using the alternative meaning here >;) ) doesn't care what his kids do to you and your home, but it just shows that lovely extra layer of manipulation that's going on.

Hugs Dlee! I hope you get this resolved soon for your own sanity. I agree w/ everyone that it's time to set your boundaries and limits and stick to them. If you can't discipline the kids and he won't either, then they shouldn't be welcome in YOUR home. Your DH can go somewhere else on his visitation weekends and he can deal with all the drama and the consequences of their crazy behavior himself. Meanwhile...you can enjoy a nice quiet weekend, bubble baths, glass of wine, some chick flicks...sounds like fun!

Please keep us posted, we are all rooting for you.

Yes, and without rules kids can go crazy and even ruin the lives of everyone around them.

He can't have his cake and eat it, too. He can't tell you to "butt out" when it comes to disciplining his kids in your home AND tell you that you have to "step up" (??!?) and interact with them.

Sorry about your husband and your situation, DLEE...I know this must be hard on you and difficult to live with. I remember those days.

Gosh, this is a horrible situation. That is one of the biggerst concerns that I would of had marrying a man with children.

I agree with everyone..he can't have it both ways. And he sounds rude too...sorry I know he is your DH. Respect is high up on my demands in marriage (both ways) and it doesn't seem like you are getting any. It seems he would be happy that you care enough to get involved.

Good luck!

DLee,

I first saw your post over in the "step-parents needed" thread - and I was feeling for you then.



I agree with the abpve poster that said this was left intentionally. You have adolescents trying to bully and coerce you into leaving. The fact that their dad doesn't see this is definitely HIS problem, but you are the one paying for it.

I can't remember if you said counseling was out (wanted to think hubby said there wasn't a problem). As I said to another poster with a similar problem, you can't fix a couple's problems by yourself - it takes both of you.

It's time for ultimatums. Either the family goes for counseling, or it's over. You can't be expected to fix the problems of his children from a previous relationship, when you are not even fully allowed into this.

I'm sorry.

What Myrabeth said. Every. Single. Word.

I'm with the others, change the locks and get his gear out of your home. Technically, if it's your house, they need to play by your rules. He and the egg-donor can then work out their kids' issues all by themselves. It might be hard for you in the short term, but we'll all be here for you and I'm sure you can find a better deal than the one that he's offering.

His spawn have not really done any actuall damage to my furniture yet, but they do some annoying things that could produce some damage someday. For example, they 'forget' to use coasters on my coffee table, even though they have been told to repeatedly, and I do mean repeatedly. When I say something to the a$$ about this, his response is "Well, if they leave rings on the table, it will still function as a table. What's the big deal?"
They also cannot take a [censored] without slamming the toilet seat back down (they are both boys). This grates on my last nerve, but the a$$ is completely oblivious to it. Never notices. I should not notice either. I should not have to hear a loud 'thud' every time they use the bathroom, should I? Again, when I mention it to him, I get the same kind of stupid response..."Well, you want them to put the seat back down, don't you? As long as they are doing that, that's all that matters. There is nothing wrong with the way they are doing it". To me, this translates into, 'I'm too stupid and lazy to say anything, so I will just let them do whatever they want, however they want. Screw any good manners or doing things the proper way. I am afraid that this could actually crack the toilet or the seat, but of course I am evil for saying so. We'll just buy another one, right?

Here is the absolute worst part of the whole thing. I have 3 cats, which I have had way longer than the a$$ and his spawn. One of them is very timid, and hates it when they are around. I cannot get him to come out of my bedroom when the spawn is here. I keep their litter boxes in my office, which is where the computers are, and also where the spawn is playing video games on them for 5 to 6 hours straight. Of course, the timid cat will not go in there when he needs to use the litter pans. Several years ago, this same cat had to have 2 surgeries for urinary blockage. With the second surgery, he had his [censored] completely removed. The vet told me that it is very important that he always has access to litter pans, and not to become blocked again, because more surgery is not an option. There is nothing else they can do if it happens again. The a$$ knows about this, but do you think he cares? Of course not, especially if it interferes with the little darlings computer time. If after 3 hours of them turning their brains to mush with video games, I happen to mention that the cat may need to use the litter pan, he goes ballistic. This happened one afternoon, and he absolutely went on a tyrade, screamed at me that if his kids were too much trouble for me, that he would just take them home, and he did. I liked the taking them home part, but the rest of the weekend was just hell.