BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids Perceived Happiness

I have a frend who is in her early 30's, gainfully employed and pregnant with her first child. She was married about 2 years (her first marriage) to a man who had been married 2 previous times. Her sister vented to me before the marriage that the family was not too keen on the man my friend was marrying.

Anyway, my friend is pregnant, we've had the shower and everyone seems happy and content. However, I recently found out that her hubby "hurt his back" and has been out of work for about 4 months now due to said back trouble. My friend drives 2 hours one way to her job...which, as I mentioned, is a great job. However, she is due this week and of course, when you are out on maternity leave in the states, if you have any leave at all, your salary is cut down to about 60% of what it was and after your weeks are up, your leave is unpaid.

I had no idea that this was going on with them as the picture that has been painted is rosy. If I were here, I would be freaking out, very upset etc. to be in this situation with a baby on the way. Husband with NO pay coming in and wife about to lose pay due to maternity leave. I am really concerned FOR my friend.

What I would like to know is if any of you know of people who are having children or who have them but their situations are not good (financially, residentially etc.) but these people seem oblivious to the pending turmoil? I could not imagine being in this situation with a kid on the way.

I had a friend who was pregnant during the time they were kicked out of their apartment; the were scrambling to find a new place to live.
Plus, they already had a toddler to take care of.

I meant to add that she seemed okay about what was happening with their living situation - I would be so anxious.

Her delivery wasn't so good - she had developed clots in her lungs and almost died.

That reminds me -
Another friend pregnant with her second child - fell and had a severe break in her ankle. Her cast was so big - she is a big girl too - they live in a very tiny, very cluttered apartment - she had to stay on the couch since she couldn't move around in the cluttered area and had a commode.
She couldn't work obviously; it was a strain on her husband taking care of her physically & financially!

Most of the people where I live seem to be doing pretty well finacially. But that isn't saying much since most people live totally OVEREXTENDED. My DH and I talk about that all the time though. We make a pretty good living and save...save..we live below our means and love to save. We do what we want and don't scrimp but we don't go nuts with our money. We know what most of the people around us do and that kinds dictates what their salary is...they live in these nice houses, wives don't work, and they drive nice cars and they have SEVERAL KIDS. We know what we are making is lots more so we can't figure out how they are saving hardly anything??? I don't see how they are not worried sick about retirement??? I don't get it! For some reason, I think once you have kids you loose the worry gene of worrying about anything but your kids????

Good point Jzel - most people have reached a comfort level of living in debt - it is something that I could never be comfortable with and don't want at all.

my DH and i are the same way. i'm more of a saver than my DH but we're both really good with money.we know so many people both with and w/o kids who don't have much savings and aren't really planning for retiring. i agree that esp. if you have kids you should really start saving b/c you never know what can happen. i have friends that have more material things than we do but for me it's imp. to have savings and peace of mind at night.

indigo

Very true Jzel,

We often wonder how others do it because we have no kids and we nearly live check to check. We have a small savings and we put money into retirement accounts every month, but it's not like we're world travelers or going to expensive concerts all the time or whatver. Our friends with kids do way more stuff than we do. We know they're probably being helped by their parents and/or in massive credit card debt because how else could they do it?

I grew up with a single mom and I'm afraid of debt. Even if I changed my mind about having kids, I'd have to save for years! And we own a nice home in a good neighborhood that we bought 13 years ago so our mortgage is low.

I guess it's all about priorities.

I have had the same thoughts and questions regarding families with children. Children are expensive! Good daycare runs around $900/month according to my friends. Ouch! I love my Chihuahua son! The only time I have to board him is when I go on vacation, and it's not $900!!!!

My husband and I are actually really happy we have money saved in the bank; I am always happen when I see all the bills people have to pay to support their children. I heard it costs about 600K to raise a child?