BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids One of how many!

I have a younger brother (10years younger) and a younger sister(14 months younger)
My mother was one of five sisters and a brother, My father was adopted, But had brothers and siters I think he had never met. He had one adpoted sister, and one foster sister, who he loved, and was gutted when she left from the family hope.

I have five children of my own, all boys, My sister has one son, my brother no children, but he does want them.

I did always want them. I always babysat for others too, I basically brought my brother up cos my mum was ill, I babysat my cousins too.

However I have to admit, now I'm nearly 40, I wonder whether to have more. I do like the freedom ~I have now (my youngest is 7)and I am torn in two!!

However I love all children, so even if I fostered, it would be like they were my own. I have often had children just come and join my lot!

With my history I am not suprised I have such a large family!

So interesting to hear everyone's stories...
Nicola...you sound like my Mum - she loves kids and they seem to know it...they're drawn to her.
My Mum turns 76 this year and she now enjoys travelling, wining & dining and all the things she didn't/couldn't do when we were growing up...
BUT, I often find her chatting to a new mother or, smiling at a child that I haven't even noticed...
She also, has remarkable patience with young children...even in her mid 70s...
I made the point that an only child will sometimes, choose not to have kids.
I forgot - one of my cousins was an only child - her parents were in their 40s when she was born - her mother had zero maternal instinct - she didn't want children but ended up with one after menopause turned out to be a child....big shock!
This particular cousin has 3 sons - she wanted kids and more than one - she found her childhood lonely...her feelings were probably influenced by having disinterested parents.

I am an only child. My mom is one of 6 and dad is one of 7. I wouldn't wish being an only child on anyone. I absolutely hated it. I have never in my life wanted to have kids; except for a breakdown about a year ago wondering if I'd regret it. I've come out the other side now and know for sure that it's just not what I want. And thankfully my husband feels the same way.

My mother is the 2nd of 5 children. My dad was the 3rd of 9 children. I'm the middle child. I have a sister that is 1 1/2 yrs older and one that is 1 1/2 years younger. My mom also had a "menopause" baby at 40. My brother is 9 1/2 years younger than me. We had to take care of him a lot growing up.

My DH is an only child and never wanted children. I knew I never wanted to be a SAHM since I was little. I've hated cleaning and taking care of kids since it was forced upon me at a young age. Both my sisters weren't deterred however, and both have 2 children.

Biologically I am an only child.
However I was adopted as a baby and have a younger brother who was also adopted by our parents.
We never had a great relationship, however and he was kicked out when I was 23 and I lived at home just me and my folks for 5 more years before moving out. (I paid off cars, did a degree and diploma and mum didn't want me to leave esp when lil bro went through his bad stage!)
My bad relationship with my brother didn't help. I have seen what a teenager from hell can be like and how horrible they can be to their parents. In fact some can be a LOT worse.
But even before that, as a teenager myself I decided I didn't want kids.
But biologically I am an only child.

When I was smaller, I often wished for another child to play with and loved it when there were others around, but I never truely felt lonely or unhappy as I was always content with being alone...I found it nice that no one messed up my things and it was a pleasantry that no one ever ripped the heads off my Barbie dolls or smashed my hot wheels or took ownership of a toy that was suppose to be mine (I witnessed that from other brothers and sisters).

And unlike so many teenagers who reject their parents during adolescence, I became very good friends with my parents. They were still parents and disciplined me to the fullest, but I learned to look at them in a different way too. I think that was a result of being an only child...as someone else mentioned, with a large family, you are closer to your brothers and sisters than the parents. In my small family, I became close to my parents.

So, yes, being an only child can be lonely at times and you may wish for brothers and sisters at certain points in your life...I still do sometimes...but for me, there were also good points which outweigh the bad ones. I think like Deborah said...it probably has some to do with the interest the parents take.

So, besides feeling really awkward around kids, I couldn't be mom because I need my privacy and alone time. And I am a neat freak...you can't be all that neat when you have kids!

Agreeing with CF Girl,

My mom and I had a great relationship. We never fought and we've always had excellent communication. This is probably due to the fact that I'm an only child and she never remarried and hardly even dated. It was wonderful having my Grandmother there too (we lived with her after the divorce until I married), but my mother and I related so much better to each other being only 20 years apart. It was very much a "you and me against the world" kind of thing in the most positive way.

If I had siblings? Who knows? I think it might be cool to have them NOW, but I never wished for them THEN.

This is a great point. I didn't have many major clashes with my parents as a teen (aside from Mom's constant nagging about basic, life-long personality traits she didn't like). But I always felt as if we weren't as close as we could have been, particularly me and Dad, who are so much alike. But when I was a teen, my brother was in grade school. He required a lot more attention than I did.

Actually, it was always like that, from the day he was born onward. When he was born, I was a month short of 7, and already established in the role I'd take throughout my childhood/ teen years. I was independent, responsible, a good student, etc. In other words, by the time the baby showed up, the eldest had proven she didn't need very involved parenting. So I stopped getting it. I think my young life (and even now, considering my feud with Mom) would have been very different if my parents had been more than rule-writing background characters after my brother was born. Instead, I spent more time playing parent to him than being parented myself. I may not have needed involved parents, but I wanted them.

I am at Novell's Brainshare conference this week in Salt Lake City, so I have been away from the board for a bit. However, I have laptop ready and will tkae a little bit of time to post a small bit.

I am one of three, the oldest and only male child. I don't remember specific incidents, but two things affected me in my decision:

1) I was a brat to my parents, and
2) Now that someone mentioned it, I saw how my mother had to put up with raising two young girls (3 and 5 years younger than myself). I think I can safely say that just by watching her take care of them, and a few times when I had to be responsible for looking after them, that turned me off to wanting some of my own for the rest of my life. Granted, I watched most of the time as they were growing up mostly -- but I guess I got the general feeling that this type of caring activity is NOT waht I wanted. Thusly, that truly influenced my decision by the time I was 10-12ish that as I learned about sex (that kids WERE the ultimate result of sex) that I swore that I would not become a parent. and I haven't, and I never will.

I still get the feeling that kids were expected from my loins, but the subject was never mentioned openly and overtly. But that is another story entirely

Now back to getting ready for more networking and server classes....

Duane (pronounced correctly)...its great that you gave fatherhood so much thought...
It seems like most men just assume it will be part of their lives or let it happen..
It amazes me that more men don't take control...or at least acknowledge that its a life changing event and give it the thought it deserves...
Several of my husband's colleagues have 4 children (one has 5)and it seems they either "went along" with their wives desire for kids or the desire was somehow tied to their manhood - producing the heir, proving their virility...
I always assumed men were lucky - that women got all the pressure but I now see men have to "stand strong" if they desire a CF life.