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Joined: Mar 2008
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I just had to bother you guys with this.
I was in a my Sociology of Family class recently and the topic of having children came up. The female professor went around the room and asked each student what their ideal family would look like. Everyone, and I mean everyone, said that they wanted to have multiple kids. I, coincidently, was the last person to be asked. I told the class that I never wanted children and wanted to focus on my wife, my career and my hobbies. I should have never opened my mouth.
The professor went on a rant on how selfish of an act that would be and that at 22 I will certainly change my mind. She also said how I needed to procreate/owed the country offspring because there are not many college educated Black males in America. She told me even though the childfree community was growing that I would probably never find a wife, my professor said this people.
Crazy, huh?
I'm as cool as the other side of the pillow.
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Joined: Sep 2007
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Gecko
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That is EXACTLY the reason so many of us say nothing or next to nothing about our reproductive intentions - if they're not prepared to accept someone's right to choose or their opinion, why bother asking?
The fact that you were "alone" in your position is pressure enough...your views should have been respected...
In this situation, I'd definitely speak to the Professor in her rooms and explain my position and that I felt her behaviour/attitude was disappointing, ignorant and unfair - to make an example of you was disgraceful...you're supposed to be in a learning/teaching environment - tolerance for all views and opinions...healthy debate.
This sort of thing really demonstrates why people LOVE this Forum - they can speak their mind, scream from the rooftops...vent away...we hear and support you!
I see this is your first post - Welcome to the forum!
I look forward to hearing more of your life story.
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Joined: Oct 2007
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Gecko
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Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 472 |
Sounds to me like your professor has been totally brainwashed.
BTW, if I may ask a personal question - why are you taking a course geared to families with kids?
Llyn - Spinning Editor
BellaOnline ALERT: Raw URLs are not allowed in these forums for security reasons. Please use UBB code. If you don't know how to do UBB code just post here for help - we will help out!
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Joined: May 2007
Posts: 476
Gecko
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The Dopespot, you may be a college educated Black male but there is no guarantee your child will be (college educated) What if despite your best intentions and parenting they decide to drop out of college and work at Burger King or worse - not work at all?!
Your Professor sounds like a dork. I remember when I was in Uni one of my Professors (we called them Lecturers) said something and I put my hand up, he chose me and I told him I disagreed with what he said and why. He didn't put me down he even admitted I had some excellent points. It's a shame your Professor didn't do the same. You're in a centre of learning but debate and "critical thinking" - basically challenging assumptions and seeing things in their context etc. is good for sharpening the brain!
DOH!
My parents paid for my brother to go to private school. He soon was flunking and got upset and said he hated it so went back to public school. After all that money!
I understand where your professor is coming from but I don't agree. He is basically saying you are Black and you are brilliant so WHY aren't you breeding?! and spreading your brainpower?
But you could even end up with a special needs child for e.g there are NO guarantees, making his argument moot.
And isn't it better for a child to be wanted than to be just bright with a bright educated father?
I leave the child-rearing to people who feel called to it. I've never felt that call.
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Joined: Dec 2007
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Sociology of Family is geared towards all family (not just "families with kids").
We are all part of families, including parents, grandparents, aunts & uncles, cousins, and siblings. Family is not just the ones that you procreate. Having a greater understanding of that dynamic is always a good thing.
Btw, I consider my DH and myself a family. I would definitely take this course.
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Joined: Feb 2008
Posts: 518
Gecko
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Joined: Feb 2008
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Welcome! I told the class that I never wanted children and wanted to focus on my wife, my career and my hobbies. I should have never opened my mouth. Oh, but you should have. Everyone in that clas including your narrow-minded teacher needed to hear that some people consider the idea family to be 2 people. The professor went on a rant on how selfish of an act that would be and that at 22 I will certainly change my mind. She also said how I needed to procreate/owed the country offspring because there are not many college educated Black males in America. She told me even though the childfree community was growing that I would probably never find a wife, my professor said this people.
Crazy, huh? Yes, indeed, crazy. WAY out of line. College is supposed to open our minds to new things. She should have been glad that someone said something different than everyone else did. She was so wrong on so many levels. Anatasia Said: We are all part of families, including parents, grandparents, aunts & uncles, cousins, and siblings. Family is not just the ones that you procreate. Having a greater understanding of that dynamic is always a good thing.
Btw, I consider my DH and myself a family. Well said. Me too!
Last edited by Cherry Red; 03/09/08 12:34 PM.
"The world might be considerably poorer if the great writers had exchanged their books for children of flesh and blood." ~Virginia Woolfe
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Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 472
Gecko
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Gecko
Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 472 |
Sociology of Family is geared towards all family (not just "families with kids").
We are all part of families, including parents, grandparents, aunts & uncles, cousins, and siblings. Family is not just the ones that you procreate. Having a greater understanding of that dynamic is always a good thing.
Btw, I consider my DH and myself a family. I would definitely take this course. Not knowing the content of the course, and therefore going only by the recap of what the professor said, it sounded as if this course was geared towards families with children. If the course isn't, then professor has certainly indicated bias in that direction. I do beg to differ on the point about all of us being part of families, if you consider families to consist a group including parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, siblings, and others with whom there is a genetic relationship. We are not. I, for example, have no living genetic relative. Now, I do consider my DH to be family, of course. But after 30+ years together, a course in family dynamics would be a waste of time.
Llyn - Spinning Editor
BellaOnline ALERT: Raw URLs are not allowed in these forums for security reasons. Please use UBB code. If you don't know how to do UBB code just post here for help - we will help out!
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Joined: Mar 2008
Posts: 29
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OP
Newbie
Joined: Mar 2008
Posts: 29 |
Sounds to me like your professor has been totally brainwashed.
BTW, if I may ask a personal question - why are you taking a course geared to families with kids? I am taking the course as an elective. I had 6 credits to fill so I chose this class. I'm a Criminology major and Sociology minor so it fit my core curriculum. The course isnt really about raising children, its main topic is how the American family fits into todays society and some of the challenges the institution of family faces.
Last edited by thedopespot; 03/09/08 02:54 PM.
I'm as cool as the other side of the pillow.
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Joined: Mar 2008
Posts: 29
Newbie
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OP
Newbie
Joined: Mar 2008
Posts: 29 |
That is EXACTLY the reason so many of us say nothing or next to nothing about our reproductive intentions - if they're not prepared to accept someone's right to choose or their opinion, why bother asking?
The fact that you were "alone" in your position is pressure enough...your views should have been respected...
In this situation, I'd definitely speak to the Professor in her rooms and explain my position and that I felt her behaviour/attitude was disappointing, ignorant and unfair - to make an example of you was disgraceful...you're supposed to be in a learning/teaching environment - tolerance for all views and opinions...healthy debate.
This sort of thing really demonstrates why people LOVE this Forum - they can speak their mind, scream from the rooftops...vent away...we hear and support you!
I see this is your first post - Welcome to the forum!
I look forward to hearing more of your life story.
Thanks. Yeah, I probably shouldnt even be here considering this is "BellaOnline: The Voice of Women", but after my professor said these things I did a general search of childfree topics and found this forum.
I'm as cool as the other side of the pillow.
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Joined: Mar 2008
Posts: 29
Newbie
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OP
Newbie
Joined: Mar 2008
Posts: 29 |
The Dopespot, you may be a college educated Black male but there is no guarantee your child will be (college educated) What if despite your best intentions and parenting they decide to drop out of college and work at Burger King or worse - not work at all?!
Your Professor sounds like a dork. I remember when I was in Uni one of my Professors (we called them Lecturers) said something and I put my hand up, he chose me and I told him I disagreed with what he said and why. He didn't put me down he even admitted I had some excellent points. It's a shame your Professor didn't do the same. You're in a centre of learning but debate and "critical thinking" - basically challenging assumptions and seeing things in their context etc. is good for sharpening the brain!
DOH!
My parents paid for my brother to go to private school. He soon was flunking and got upset and said he hated it so went back to public school. After all that money!
I understand where your professor is coming from but I don't agree. He is basically saying you are Black and you are brilliant so WHY aren't you breeding?! and spreading your brainpower?
But you could even end up with a special needs child for e.g there are NO guarantees, making his argument moot.
And isn't it better for a child to be wanted than to be just bright with a bright educated father?
Exactly. There are no guarantees in life and I'm not willing to take a chance on something as serious as a child. I've emailed my Professor about what she said and I will be speaking with her on Tuesday. I'll keep you guys informed.
I'm as cool as the other side of the pillow.
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