My best story of this ilk is unfortunately not my own, but I'll share anyway.
A friend of mine, a big, broad shouldered guy, six and a half feet tall, who wore his naturally black hair and goatee rather shaggy at times, lived in a neighborhood that seemed to attract various religious recruiters. He had about one visit a week while he lived there, and being a third shift worker at the time, he was always a bit cranky at the sound of unexpected midday knocks on his door. But he's a creative guy...
My favorites among his much varied responses to what he called "the Jesus version of drug pushers":
*He'd look through the peephole, see the missionaries waiting on his porch, and without opening the door, would summon up the deepest, loudest voice he could muster (which is a lot for a guy that size), and boom out "Lucifer commands you to enter!"
* He'd open the door just enough for the visitors to see his full size, shaggy black hair, and menacing glare, listen to their spiel in silence, and when given a chance to speak, would look down at them and deadpan, "I worship Satan."
(Sometimes he tacked on a glance at his watch, and "He should be here any minute.")
In both cases, it always resulted in scurrying sounds and pamphlet dropping as the "pushers" ran away from the house of a Baptist minister's son!
(This friend moved away almost two years ago. I really miss the laughter he brought me.)
