BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids I'd like to smack some sense into my friend, but..

Based on my interactions with parents, I feel some lose themselves after having a baby. I know plenty of mothers who feel it is their duty to do all household chores since they are SAHM's which I think is BOGUS and I tell them so. He had 50% participation in making that baby and he should equally spend as much of his time when he's at home helping out. A mom's job never stops, but husbands sure can help out by watching a child for a few hours. Jeeze!

These women are allowing the men in their lives to control them. I wouldn't stand for it. You always have choices. Putting up with this [censored] is a choice.

If I was this woman who chose to have 3 children and I still managed to have a successful career like the woman msbaby wrote about. I would've booked a babysitter for that night and told the father that he not bother to look after his own children because I had it covered. I would then tell him to spend that night packing. If he wasn't willing to work together as a team he didn't need to live in the clubhouse.

Agreeing with everyone and adding:

I wonder if she wanted you to ask her to bring the baby with her?

Ah! Don't scare me like that, ha ha. I hadn't thought of it...but dang, what a snoozefest of a girls weekend that would be!

Msbaby, that story about your friend is absolutely disgusting. I...I probably would have murdered that man in his sleep. No nix that, I'd want he pleasure of seeing his terror. How could she be so blind to his asshattery?

Spring Break is next week for a lot of schools around here...I'm now seeing the moms at work sending their "vacation messages", meaning they will be taking vacation to be at home with their kids the week school is out. I'm SO glad I don't have to blow five days of my vacation days on kids being out of school! Of course, you never see the DADS taking Spring Break off to spend with their kids. Oh, no, that wouldn't do! It has to be the MOMS!

Cindy

You're so right, Cindy!

We usually take vacations in October when all the kids are back in school or late Feb/early March before Spring Break/Easter (low seasaon). The prices are better and there are less kids everywhere you go.

As a friend I would definitely try to give her some supportive advice. That really sounds like a plea for support to me, that she said that to you out of the blue. She needs help in getting him involved and doesn't know what to do. I would suggest to her that she find something that the dad can do with the kid that he at least semi tolerates. But if a friend of mine was having relationship problems whether they involved a kid or not and came bringing it up to me, I would try my best to help her find a solution ... and if she just ignores it, it is only going to get worse.

I rethought my position.

Upon re-reading, I do think she wants sympathy from you. Women like her don't want solutions.

I say, go ahead and smack her!

I've seen this a few times over the years - the man "wants" children...then he carries on with his life.
It makes me wonder whether it's an "ego" thing..."got the wife pregnant"/"my boys can swim"/"I've passed on my genes"...type mentality. These men seem to think they've done their bit when fertilization occurs...
AND, the sad thing is that women fall for it time and again...
They lose their old lives entirely while the man carries on with HIS life...
I also, believe some men want to "traditionalize" their relationship with their wives - introduce a few kids and it's so much harder for your wife to carry on with her life and career. Some men feel uncomfortable with a very successful wife - if she is senior to him, earns more money...I guess they feel more secure being the "leader of the house"...
IMO marriage should be a partnership.
AND, women should only have kids if THEY want them - chances are they will do most of the work and if the marriage ends...will often, be left to raise them.
This reminds me of a colleague who had kids for her husband - they ended up divorced - he remarried and had three more children and totally lost interest in the kids from his first marriage...this seems to happen quite a bit for all sorts of reasons...pressure from the second wife, a poor relationship with the first wife, fathers relocating with new families etc.
IMO if you have the kids for yourself then regardless of divorce or anything else, you still end up with kids YOU wanted...