BellaOnline Forums Family Midlife Midlife Crisis in Women

Thanks so much Ms A

I guess I shouldn't be too hard on myself considering we are still in the "fix it" stage.

When I get to feeling to bad, I think that actually it could be so much worse. He can't seem to get to that point though --- and he spends most of his time feeling guilty about the decisions he's made over the last couple of years.

Deanna -- I sure don't blame you for being stressed about the job loss even if things are looking up now. Being unemployed is one of those things that you hope you never have to experience and no job is 100% secure. It's too bad your hubby has such regrets and is feeling badly. Perhaps once things smooth out, he can catch sight of how you both may have grown through the experience and let go of it. Sometimes adversity can bring a couple closer. I have found this to be true with my own husband during a lengthy illness of his. It brought us together in ways we would not have imagined.

I know what you mean about stay-at-home mothers depending on their husbands for financial support. I've often thought: Hmmm...if he loses his job, the lifestyle of our entire family could change drastically within a matter of days!

Hi everyone. I just found this place last night. It seems like a nice place to spend some time.

I am 43, and haven't gone through a mid-life crisis. I do sometimes (I just love menopause...not) miss the body I had at 20. Mostly, I miss the metabolism.

I love the wisdom I have gained over the years though, and wouldn't change that for anything. I think I was healthier when I was 20 and probably looked better, but I wasn't making very good decisions. I've been able to forgive myself. For most of them, anyway. I have more of a sense of calm now and I feel like I know myself better than I ever have, so that's something I am grateful for.

I do get nostalgic though, and I think that's to be expected. I was young and my friends could do what we wanted and not really worry too much about how it affected anyone else. I try to stay current though, when it comes to music, movies and such, and keep moving forward.

Tuffy - you can get the metabolism back! Find ways to be as active now as you were then. When you build your muscle mass back up, your body will be burning calories the way it used to Go out dancing and biking!

As far as doing what you want, hopefully even right now you are doing what you want! Maybe you want to have a house, so you are working to pay for it. You could certainly choose to live in a tiny apartment if you wanted to You probably just have different wants now then you did back then!

As far as stay at home moms go, I'm a very strong proponent of women who stay at home still having a skill set. It can be making soaps, or writing books or whatever. But husbands are not immortal There are always accidents and injuries and such. Having a safety net is a very good idea.

I completely agree, Lisa. I stayed home with my kids for a while and went back to work when my youngest started school. It was difficult at times during interviews when they asked about the gap in my resume. I at least had kept my computer skills up to date, being a quasi-geek.

I am not active enough. I will fully admit it. I am a birdwatcher, it's my favorite hobby. So, in the spring and summer I am very active. Winter is always a blah time for me and I never get enough exercise.

Tuffy -- I know what you mean about the metabolism thing. Mine is grinding to a halt. But then again, my metabolism has always been slow. I must exert a gargantuan effort to keep it going and it takes a lot of time out of my routine. But it is worth it. It's just essential to my well-being! I agree with Lisa that you can improve the metabolism in ways that are fun. Why not start today?

I also know what you are saying about being able to do things without having to worry about how it affects everyone else. I feel that I can't take risks I might want to because the people I love need me. I see that as a trade-off situation: you can have a loving family and be somewhat tied down by it or you can be free and forget the love. Personally, I'll take the love!

I think it's great that you keep current. I find so many people my age automatically clinging to old attitudes as well as fashions. I enjoy the exposure I have to current trends from my Gen Y daughters.

Lisa, I agree that you can get the metabolism back! I think perhaps women get more sedentary as they get older, when you're not chasing little kids, etc. Taking an exercise class and walking are great ways to get the metabolism going.

I never had a mid life crisis as I feel I've gotten happier and more content as I got older. I've learned to worry less about "the road not taken." I now believe in the divine order of the Universe tho so whatever happened in the past was all as it was supposed to be, for whatever reason-even the "bad" stuff. The "bad" stuff made me a stronger person and helped shape who I am today.

Hi Diana,

I do agree that sometimes adversity can bring a couple closer. And I could see that happening for us --- after this rough patch of course LOL.

We've made the decision to homeschool our children. At ages 8 and 11, it would be a shame to have to put them in public school after all we've done, but this could happen if I had to go get a full time job. And I have to say, that bothers me more than anything. But if we had to, we would, and we'd all make the adjustment.

I to like working from home, and I know if I were making more money, I'd feel so much more secure.

Welcome Tuffy!

I laugh about what you said about missing your 20 year old body. One of the things I miss is that feeling of being immortal LOL! Though I guess as a 42 year old woman, I couldn't say I had any wisdom at all if I still acted like an immortal 20 year old LOL!

About the metabolism --- I always had a very low metabolism - even in my 20s. A few years ago in the chiropractic office where I worked part time - the chiropractor got this machine that measures cellular health and metabolism. THe first time I did this machine, it showed low metabolism. Then I started doing a nordic track (3 or 4 days a week) and after a couple of months I took the test again. It showed a high metabolism.

So, it can be done Though I imagine if you were already working out, it'd be a lot more work LOL. I went from practically no exercise to a great routine.

I don't work out in a formal way. I am happiest walking through the woods or the wetlands. I end up walking over some rough terrain at times. I come home exhausted, but happy.

I think it's important to move. Who was it, some fitness person years ago, said we all need to eat, breath and move. It is so true.