BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids Forced to have kids!!!!

I watched a documentary a couple of years ago.. it was *SHOCK HORROR* Women leaving their partner and children to persue a career or to do something else.

Whilst I disagree completely with leaving the kids (you have them, they're your responsibility) I was so saddened at how these women were portrayed, they were totally demonised - given the same degree of hatred as peaodophiles....Yes, they were selfish - however no more selfish than the thousands of men who leave their pregnant partner / partner with kids... yet society seems to accept this to a degree... the word 'single mother' is bandied around far, far more than 'single father'.

Also, if there is a single Father he is praised as if he is some kind of marytr.. er, yeah, great.. you're doing what millions of women do - raise a child alone.. what do you want? a sodding medal?

It's such a shame that womens lives are sometimes seen as less important to men - I read with great interest the story of 'the superwoman' this UK woman who had 4 kids and a husband and had a multi-million pound job... apparantly she took her holidays to coincide with her kids births and didn't take maternity leave as she knew it could spoil your promotional chances.... years later she split with her husband and all the papers were crowing ' Ha! women can't have it all'...

.. Yet men can and THAT'S what's so wrong I feel.

Men can have a family AND a career... yet women juggle and sometimes sacrifice their own desires for their family / career.

She should tell her husband she is getting a job and to pay for child care - if he refuses threaten to put the kids up for adoption or get him to give up his job.

I would let your parents, and his, know that again, you have no intention of having children and that unless they are going to raise the children, stay up late with the children, be financially responsible for the children and give birth to the children that the chances of you having kids in response to their threats is zero to nil.

Why future grandparents would force their adult children into a life that the adult children do not want or desire is beyond me. Seems absolutely insane.

Hi YorkiesRcool,
I read your post and my heart hurt for you. I'm so sorry you are going through this. My suggestion to you was similar to your answer above. I hate lying, but your hubby is right. Sometimes it's better than having to deal with an issue that they will never accept.

My suggestion was to tell them you were trying. For some people it takes a long time. This could buy you some time at least. Again, I hate lying, but both sets of parents are so adamant about the kid issue, it seems they will never listen to you if you keep telling them no anyway.

Sending you white light & positive thoughts,
Kim

I wouldn't even bother with the TTC argument. It encourages "have you tried such and such fertility treatment" conversations and the "what about adoption topic." It would be better to just give short, simple, honest answers and accept that if they don't like the truth, that's their problem. Besides, do you really want to lie to your family for YEARS (and possibly forever) about such a huge issue and about who you really are?

myrabeth,
I'm sure you're right. I'm just really awful at confrontation. It sounded like YorkiesRcool was similar to me--especially since she'd already mentioned it. I'm sure your advice is the better way to go.

Please just be honest, if they do not want to talk to you that is just sad. I am a Mom of 2 sons and I would NEVER do that to them because it was done to me. If you were my child I would be so proud of you for just knowing what you want out of life. Trust me life is short, do it the way you want to and if that means no kids then you go girl!!!! Maybe you could write a letter and tell them if you don't want to do it in person, this way the ball would be in their court so to speak. Don't know if it helps but I support your decision.