BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids Article recommending women should settle

Can you say "arranged marriage"? Helloooo! This whole article was so sad and depressing. If I wanted somebody to take out the trash and help with chores, I could just hire a cleaning lady or babysitter. As I had said before, it's all about the CHOICES we make. And these choices bring consequences. And if you are over 18, just deal with them. The last part of her article even made it sound like she was the "victim"... puleeeze.

There is a HUGE difference between "settling" and "accepting a person's quirks". Settling means you're desperate for something and will take any comers, accepting quirks means you realize everyone's different, and love 'em for being different.

Greydrakkon- the whole issue about settling in the comments of the article really got to me. It almost seemed like settleing meant going for less materialistic things. I was also irritated with the whole if not perfect then you must be settling. My DH is perfect for me.

You know, DH and I might not talk about heady or passionate topics of conversation all the time, but we often talk about our hopes and dreams together, which is ultimately satisfying. And it occurs to me that this woman wouldn't understand what it means to actually share your hopes and dreams with someone. I think she buried hers a long time ago.

Lack of personality and goals in life. A sense of low self-esteem and inferiority because she believes that a child will love her and bring happiness into her life.

She is having the child for purely selfish reasons and assuming (or wishing) that everyone else has the same agenda.

I feel sorry for the men out there. Many women really do treat them as sperm banks and once their little bundle of joy is born, out goes the man. I actually believe that such women deserve to remain unloved because they treat men as sperm banks. My very own 40-year-old single cousin is having sex with a married man just because she desperatly wants a baby. She is keeping her affair a secret from her parents and thinks that if she gets pregnant, they will miraculously accept her and her baby. If this is not selfish, I don't know what is!

Wow, I'd totally be calling up that guy's wife and letting her know what's going on. But then again, I'm kinda merciless in some areas.

this is a sad scenario that will likely end horribly for ALL involved. [shaking head in disbelief]

Cleopatra,
My brother was blatantly ooopsed - his girlfriend "M" knew he was about to end their 2 month relationship - she had 3 kids and no child support and had watched other men walk away...
My brother was financially secure, had a nice home, a good job and a pleasant lifestyle...she decided to take her chances and force a commitment using a baby as an emotional bargaining tool.
She wanted a 4th baby anyway (before it was too late) so, if it didn't go to plan she'd still get her 4th baby AND child support.
The pressure worked however, and my brother is trying to make it work - they have all moved into his home and she is now pushing for marriage. (The Holy Grail!)
She really thought the baby would smooth everything over and we'd all forget the manipulation, deceit and lies. (including her 3 kids that have been put through more instability & stress)
My brother is paying for all of her kids to see psychologists - it's proving difficult - too little, too late...
She told my mother recently that she feels our family and my brother's friends don't respect her...
RESPECT HER!
I can see my brother is unhappy and hope he finds the strength to walk away - he'll pay handsomely for his mistake (trusting her)- but a beautiful home means nothing, if you're sharing it with someone who has a gun to your head.
A couple of my brother's close friends have called me over the last month concerned at the change in my brother's personality - he was always the "life of the party" - making jokes, loved entertaining - loved life. They thought he now seemed flat and highly stressed...
His girlfriend now seems to be distancing him from his friends so, he's becoming quite isolated.
We're all concerned but, we have to remember he's 42 years old and until he asks for help, all we can do is show support and "be there for him"...
The incredible thing...I really didn't think this would happen to my brother - a self made man, street wise BUT, he put his trust in the wrong person.
I really feel sorry for the men that stray into the path of these sorts of women...

Unreal Deborah. I'm so sorry. Your brother is really a good person for trying to do right. I feel so badly for him.

Hear hear!