BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids Article recommending women should settle

That's something else to consider when having kids...who will take care of them if something happens to them (the parents)? What if your parents are unable or unwilling to raise their grandkids in that circumstance? Or, what if there is no extended family available? Then the kids go into foster care. I don't think many people think about that.

Cindy

Runnergirl- that's a good point. I like how a lot of people here make an effort to be moderate in their thinking.

At first I thought the author was talking about just accepting that other people have flaws, and I could have allowed for that, but then she took it crazy far and it just left me blinking.

yeah, right. The gal i mentioned early in this thread bought her child (I know how weird that sounds, but money does change hands) with her inheritance. How's about buying something that increases in value over time, like a beach house, or a yacht? Actually, I don't know if they increase over time for sure, but I'm just making a point.

Anyway, her folks are dead, she's single, and in her mid 40s now, I think, and I think her boy is 5 or 6. She's lost all of her friends for the most part, because, as a single Mom, she doesn't have a lot of time to spend with them. She's friends with DH's uncles, the gay ones, and they have no experience with children. I'm sure she would leave a life insurance policy, and could take care of him financially - but who would be able to raise him?

You know, for a long time I thought that if a woman really wanted to have a child on her own, there was nothing wrong with that. But some of this conversation really has me thinking. Plus, on Oprah the other day they had a bunch of grown kids who were children or sperm donors, and a lot of them were angry because they didn't know anything about half of their background, which is hard for medical history.

There is so much more to think about in regards to having children than just "I want one." There are so few people who are in a good position to have kids, and yet so many people do. And we wonder why everything is so f'ed up.

TresstheFool, you understood my point exactly.

I have a tendency to overanalyze relationships and it has taken me all of my 28 years to stop doing this constantly and allow myself to be happy, haha!

That being said, I'm glad that as CF's we never have to play this game of "soul mate or settle" in regards to a biological clock. We are free to choose (or not choose)on OUR timetable.

One final interesting (but probably semi controversial) thought--If the absolute worst case scenario happens and a CF marriage goes awry, at least the relationship could be dissolved without the messiness of children and custody arrangements.

Yech. This article gives me the wiggins.

This paragraph freaks me out the most:

Luckily for me I even enjoy the mundane conversations that I have with my wonderfully zingy fiance!

if i had to make a list of every reason why this article was offensive and lame, i think i could write all day long and still have more to say.

here's a brief list of why i hated this article: it was incredibly offensive to both genders, an insane over-generalization, archaic, un-feminist, shallow, misguided, scary, depressing, ignorant and judgmental. i could go on, but, i don't have all day . . .

fbrittt--great synopsis!

According to that article the only reason to marry is to breed and the husband is nothing more than a sperm donor and wallet and the occasional baby sitter, so mommy can have her free time!
No mention of the father being a role model in the kids life.

Forget having a life companion, any passion, a sex life, after all you won't see Mr. Servant who is out there working two or three jobs to support Queenie and her litter.

And it's it wonderful how she mentions the benefits of divorce ie child support and a baby sitter. No mention of what divorce does to a child.

It's obviously all about in order 1. herself 2. the kid/s she is going to revolve her life around (what will she do when they leave home?)3. the husband that will have to work like a dog, be content with no sex and the left over scraps of her time and affection.

The reason she is settling is because she has no choice but to settle as any guy with self esteem surely would not settle for her. And if she has to settle than other women should suffer along with her and settle...well no thank you!

this topic was discussed on NPR yesterday. i know you mentioned that it was an article but they were talking about a book concerning this topic. did she also write a book about this. the author's last name was Godfrey i think. anyway, one thing that really bothered me is when she said along the lines that passion doesn't really matter and that when you have kids and have to do all those kid things that you don't have much time to talk and spend together anyway so it really doesn't matter if you have a passionate relationship and much in common. excuse me! are we talking about a relationship or a business?it made me really sad b/c i've been married almost 10 yrs. and believe me we still have passion GASP and we still are very affectionate to each other and tell each other everyday that we love each other. i mean it's almost like she's suggesting that we go back to the days where people married to save their farm or take over the family business. it's really unbelievable.

there was a caller who said that she married a guy who she really didn't feel much of a romantic spark and she still doesn't but he's a nice guy and all and they have been married 4 yrs. and have a child. she says that she's happy but i really wonder about that.

then they were talking about changing the definition of settling. give me a break.

yes nobody's perfect but settling no way! another great thing my mom said to me was" make sure the flaws he has are ones you can live with b/c when you're married they become tenfold!"

my mom should write a book not that idiot! if i see that book on the shelf just like i do when i see a stupid ann coulter book i'm going to hide it in the back of the shelf!

indigo