BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids Quick survey on age

So great to meet a slightly older CF-er and one that is obviously completely happy with her life. (no inkling of those terrible things we are told will happen to us, like loneliness and regrets). Thanks for your words and your inspiration!

Regrets? I'll admit to having had a few occasional and fleeting regretful moments over the years. I think that's quite normal. But if you're truly a child free person, these moments a brief and thinking things through only confirms your decision on the issue.

Loneliness is just a state of mind and you will never be lonely as long as you enjoy your own company. If you don't you'll be lonely in a crowd.

Llyn, thanks for adding to our discussion with your experience being CF over the years. It's encouraging to hear from women who have been through the tough years of uncertainty, and have come out of it happy with their lives.

I was just reading through older posts...


Funny, I could have written this. For us it's met at 16/18, married at 24/26. We're now 39/42 (he already had his bday this year. )



Amazing, isn't it? Just about everyone in my family has a kid in the first year. The hubby's brother did too. My SIL (his wife) has finally realized I'm not changing my mind. Hee.



Oh, yes! I agree 100%!

YES! OMG! You're SO right. I think it's because the two main couples were parents. Parents always seem older to me.

The funny thing is, at 39, I'm almost too old to be a parent (pregnancy & birth much later than this is both dangerous and difficult) but I still feel way too young to be a parent. I have a friend who's a step-mother (not a birth mother) who's a couple years older than me, and she agrees with me. Though she's always wanted children (she can't have them) she, too, feels too young to have kids.

Very true! Thanks so much, Llyn, for your honest insight. As I'm at the final decision age here, I really appreciate your honesty.

I am 39 and also feeling like I am in the "final decision age". I am 90% on the No side, but frustrated with myself for not being able to make a final decision and be done with it. I guess I hate to see options closed off, in a way, even if I don't want to take that option! Stupid, I know.

I was feeling so much anxiety a few months ago (birthday time) over The Decision that I went to a therapist, who made me feel better about the NO, and then made mistake of going to a psychic who told me I would have a baby in the next 2 years... sort of a setback.

Anyway, I just discovered this site a few days ago and am recognizing myself in so many of the posts, that I think it's making my gut feeling become more clear. so, thanks everyone.

Welcome judgesammy!

It's interesting how much so many of us have in common. I hope you enjoy this forum as much as I have the last couple of weeks. (Wow! I guess I really have. Up to 100 posts now!)

I've been feeling some anxiety since my 39th bday, but not really on the no kids issue. More generic stress about life in general. (Where am I going, what do I need to do, where do I see myself in the next decade.) I think taking stock when you approach a big '0' birthday is normal and healthy, but tossing in the bonus with the four-oh (whether or not to have kids) makes it all the more difficult.

I hope you find what you need here. Everyone has been really nice to me and I'm happy I'm here. Hope you are too.

I'm 50 (just) and have no regrets...
I'm not really a "regret" person preferring to live for today and look forward to tomorrow.
I have never done anything in my life simply because everybody else was doing it ie. casual sex, early marriage, traditional marriage, change my name...I've always followed by own path.
I trust that instinct - it has served me well.
I firmly believe you make decisions and choices in your life for a reason - it's who you are...the individual...and those decisions take you down a certain path - to your current life.
Sometimes that may lead you down a quiet lane while everyone else seems to be heading the other way...but I always KNEW I was heading in the right direction for ME...I didn't feel isolated, bizarre, odd - I felt special and lucky...building the life I have today.
I think that's why many CF people have strong personalities, are "thinkers" and know what they want in life...they were strong enough OR determined enough OR sure enough OR just happy/preferred to walk the other way...
I know if I had my time over again, I'd be the same person and I'd make the same decisions.
I also, admit that occasionally I'll have a fleeting moment..I call it a "vacuum" or "isolated" moment...totally removed from reality - but then the "thinking" starts and the emotion fades and it's gone...
It's a bit like my dream of becoming an archaeologist - it was No. 1 on my list of careers at age 9 or so...
I sometimes wonder what that would have been like...out on a dig for months or years on end working as part of a team AND then, I remember the reasons why I didn't go down that path...and the dream fades...it wasn't right for me.
I thought of going to the Bar...I didn't...again, it wasn't right for me...
I think its normal to question sometimes particularly, when parenting is such a huge part of other people's lives (particularly women) but then I'm sure many parents also, have moments of doubt and reflection...it's human nature.
In the end if you do what YOU think is right for you - you've taken the right path in life...

It's not stupid, it's a really big option to close off. I went through exactly what you are going through when I was 39. I kept saying to DH "I just want to make a decision so I can move forward". I felt like there were a whole lot of amazing experiences I could get on with if I could just accept being CF and be OK about it. For me it was about a 2-3 year grieving process. And now I feel very peaceful about never having children and able to get going with so many goals and plans.