BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids New Birth in the Family = Bingo - Your thoughts...

Blech! It was awful for me and my SO when his brother and wife had their first baby.

Everyone around us started telling us that we'll want one of our own as soon as we have to interact with it.

They were completely stressed and unhappy, and everyone else tried to tell us that they were lucky and we'll be like that one day, even though we'd told them we don't want children.

It was terrible how controlling of the environment she became! We'd go to my SO's parents for dinner, then afterwards we'd sit in the dark with the TV on but sound off so that her baby could sleep.

I hated it. Absolutely hated it.

That was a few years ago now, and they now have another child. I actually quite like both of the children.

People have lightened up on us significantly, but now the children are the centre of every single family gathering. Christmas used to be quietly sophisticated, but now it's noisy and the children run all over the place.

Luckily they aren't silly enough to ever ask us to babysit!

What is up with that? You hold a baby at function and everyone seems to think that you want one. I held a friends baby at a party and all the girls were ah....and looking over at my husband! urrgg..what is wrong with people?

Why do people not associate babies with CHILDREN or TEENAGERS? Everyone wants a baby. Babies are like puppies and kittens! They grow up! How come everyone conveniently forgets that?

Ilove1978 - I have the billboard cd for that year - it was a great year for music. Baby Come Back by Player, and If I Can't Have You is on it...

Anyway - it actually went the other way for me. It's a little different b/c my sister got pregnant at 20, and was on drugs, etc. Lovely. But my parents were STILL excited about the baby. Well, they are now raising my nephew. I can maybe think of once or twice when my Mom has dropped veiled comments, but there is NO pressure from them whatsoever. I think my nephew reminded them of what parenting is really like, since they are basically raising him. And they know that I KNOW it's no picnic. So no amount of bingos would work with me.

They also know I've been saying for years that I won't have kids. Funny, I'm 36 and haven't changed my mind. A few months ago, I was talking to my Dad about my concerns of DH and I living too close to our inlaws. He said you guys are starting your own family now, but he didn't mean kids, I could tell. He meant DH and I, and was just saying we will be too busy to be hanging out with the inlaws all the time. I was really happy when he said that, b/c it means he considers DH and I family on our own. No reproduction needed!!!

Happy, I know you've said your Dad has some "weak spots" as far as parenting and patience, but right now, I want to give him a BIG hug on your behalf. How cool was that comment!?!?

I appreciate this thread. I'll be meeting the first grandchild this weekend. He's adopted and I know my stepsister and her dh will be excellent parents, but I'm also aware that the family dynamic is in for a drastic change.

It helps to see how it played out for everyone else who's been there.

You know, you are right Myrabeth. I should really give him credit for that. I think they get it because my parents moved away from their parents when they got married, too, and they dealt with some grief because of it. I think they really respect that we've moved away and our doing our own thing. I think they are really glad that I got married, and married a wonderful man. They seem really pleased about that, and that is great. Thanks for helping me see my Dad in a better light!

I'm not super-fond of children, but I don't mind a cuddle or playing with them (if they're behaving well at the time).

Unfortunately people seem to read into my behaviour that I want to have kids of my own someday - despite my telling them for over ten years that it's not the case!

Back to the thread though... children definitely change the family dynamic!

My sister had a baby in September. I was excited about the baby, but of course people said I was 'clucky'. I do really enjoy my niece, but I maintain when challenged that I am able to distinguish between being excited about my niece and wanting one of my own.

prugie - I can totally relate. I am an aunt 5 times over now on my DH's side of the family. The oldest of these 5 children being in 3rd grade. Everytime there was a new addition to the family the inlaws would always ask, "So when are ya'll gonna have some?" Geez some people just don't ever get it.