BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids New Birth in the Family = Bingo - Your thoughts...

The first born grandchild is on it's way to our family. Everyone of course is really excited. Since my family is busy focused on that, they have laid off of asking me kid questions. I was just wondering if any of you had problems once a child was born in your family. Were you bingoed? By others or even by your own family? I am kind of wondering what to expect. I know that everyones family and friends are different. Hopefully my family and people who know about the expectant baby will not completely interrogate me and my DH once it is born. Happy for my sibling, but at the same time kinda worried once this kid is born.

I guess it depends on how bingo-y your family is. My brother's first child, which will be my parents' first grandchild is on the way too, due in June. My parents are very excited but they have yet to say to me "Why don't you have one too?" Of course, I'm 38, so it's getting kind of late for me. But as I posted in another thread, they've always been good about staying out of my business and my reproductive choices haven't been a big topic of conversation. I'm looking forward to being an aunt, especially once the child is out of diapers and is more interactive. My brother's wife has two boys ages 12 and 14, and I enjoy being around them, as they are good kids and well-behaved. My brother was joking at Christmas dinner "Well, next year we'll have a screaming baby here with us!" Oh boy!

Cindy

I would say the thing I noticed more than getting bingoed once the first grandchild came was that my DH and I seemed to just get ignored. We used to be extremely close to his family--almost the whole extended family except us live in the same small town. We visited usually twice a year and it was so much fun being together, playing cards and games, grilling out together, and talking for hours. But once his cousin had the first granchild, it was like they didn't care about us anymore. Where they used to call us every week to chat and always asked us to move out to their town, they just stopped doing that. We go for months without hearing from them now! And when we do talk, it's ALWAYS about the baby (well, he's 3 now). Whenever we try to talk about our life or ask them about something non-child related, they literally interrupt us to tell us what cute thing he's doing--usually farting, burping, or falling on his butt. Ugh. And the two times we've visited since the baby was born were the ultimate snooze fest. Everyone sat around oohing and ahhing over the baby and not talking. I was so ticked off that I wasted my precious vacation days for that.

Sorry--vent over

But I would say that hopefully you won't have that experience and that even if you get bingoed a few times it will be better than being ignored!!

Kinderfrei, that really sucks! I'm sorry to hear that you've been treated that way. On the bright side, when the baby turns 13, I bet you'll notice a big difference among your family. No one is going to be sitting around, oohing and ahhing over THAT.

ilove, I think you're wise to mentally prepare yourself, and hopefully talking to us will help, because, yes, you probably will have to deal with some fall-out from the new baby.

I'm going through it now too, but it's my DH's family, and this is about the 7th baby, so I've been through it a few times. The twist at this end though...this is the last baby since I'm not having any. So, I've been dealing with that. The mom and I had talked about possibly trying to time it for her last baby/my first, but I bailed on the idea of course (partially due to circumstances). She has asked many times what we're doing, but has been really nice and understanding as I moved toward this decision.

The sad part for me is that I see how the women in our family bond over their children, share babysitting, go on fun field trips that we're never invited on, and I feel left out, like if I had become a mom it would have drawn us together. I saw pics of them out at a big kid-musical with all the nieces, and it just doesn't occur to them that we might want to go. It's not really that though, because I don't really want to go, but if I had a daughter I can see how that would be really fun.

On the other hand, I'm sure it would have caused other problems, like being annoyed with each other's kids, or having their kids foisted off on us all the time. Now we kind of sidestep all that because we're always working, our house isn't child-proofed, etc.

I've noticed if I show too much interest in the baby that causes a lot more bingos. It sucks, but just so you can be prepared. For me it's worth it cuz I love the baby stage.

We didn't show up while they were at the hospital, which we did for all the other sister-babies. We waited for a few days and went to their house, and it was just them and not all the extended family. Plus, that way I got to hold the baby a lot without all the hassling.

The thing I'm trying to figure out now is they took some cute pictures of me holding the baby, and I'd like to post them on my blog, but I know it would cause tons of bingoing...even if I just posted a pic of my niece by herself, I'm sure it will cause tutting and clucking. Sigh.

If someone has one before you, I'm convinced that just opens up the opportunity for a plethera of questions..."So, when are you going to have one of your OWN?"

I personally don't mind holding newborns, but I am careful as to when I do it because it's inevitable that someone will say something like, "Getting practice, huh?". Usually, I try to steer clear of holding a baby in a crowd of people - especially one that includes my mom. Ugh!

My DH has 2 older siblings; his sister has 3 kids and his brother has 4 (if you count is stepson). I do not get bingos from my MIL or FIL; however, I still get lots of bingos from BIL's girlfriend, aunts, and other members of the extended family.

It seems like the birth of one child marks the beginning of "open season" on all non-childbearing family members.

luckily for me my sister-in-law having kids didn't cause any bingoing on from my in-laws. my DH told them a few yrs. back that we weren't going to have kids(not that they bothered us about it) and they said that they couldn't imagine my DH being a parent anyhow so they weren't surprised. i think for them they actually like the fact that we dont' have kids b/c when they come and visit from germany they can do basically whatever they want and they don't have to worry about things like taking care of kids like they do for my sister-in-law. sometimes she'll bring the kids over for a day or two just to give them a break. although my mother-in-law is okay with it i know that she likes the peace and quiet she gets here.

my BIL though said something the last time we were there about what we would do for a last name if we had a kid(i guess he didn't get the CF message from my in-laws!)b/c i never changed my name when i got married.i didnt' really ans. him b/c it was during a huge christening dinner and i couldn't believe he would bring it up then.

indigo

I also tend to hang out with the guys at family dinners as well; it really does help to keep the bingoing to a minimum.

I also try not to hold any babies. It seems kind of sad that I can't hold my nephew in front of anyone due to the bingos.

Actually, at Christmas time, BIL's girlfriend forced DH to hold our nephew. She said it was for practice. Grrrr..... This is the same woman who said that she liked my new haircut, called it a mommy-do, and then asked if I was just practicing or if there was a bun in the oven that the family needed to know about!!!

Last time the subject was raised with my immediate family (parents and other sisters) was about 6-7 years ago with the birth of her 2nd (of 3). Baby-mania was the rage at the time. I hated being there, but I had to go there (I think it was Christmas or Thanksgiving or something like that). My parents and my sister literally cornered me and FORCED me into holding the 2 month-old (?) in my arms. I did so, for 5 seconds. I felt nothing. Actually, all I felt was "Huh? This is not enjoyable." I handed him back, amongst all the comments of "Isn't he cute?" "This is just practice for the future..." and all that BS.

I then told all family members there, in a VERY serious stern tone, that next time a baby was thrust at me like that, I'd let him drop on the floor, and I wouldn't care if he was seriously injured or died.

I was royally [censored].

Message sent. Message received, loud and clear.

I've never been asked to hold a baby, or take care of a child since.

They know I am serious because what I say I will do, I do.

If you were there, and you were mobbed like I was, you would have done the same thing.