BellaOnline Forums Health and Fitness Deafness 10 commandments of dealing with hearing impaired

BellaOnline ALERT: Raw URLs are not allowed in these forums for security reasons. Please use UBB code. If you don't know how to do UBB code just post here for help - we will help out!

The 10 commandments
That was terrific I sent the 10 commandments via email to the people who are the greatest offenders when speaking with me.
I have been hearing impaired all my life. I do have some hearing in both ears (more in my left ear than my right).
35 years ago I went to a hearing specialist in New York who told me to concentrate on the visual in this world because my hearing could not be helped with hearing aids. I did.
Around 2000 the digital "in the ear" hearing aids came out and I got them...They were some help but I hated them (feedback, whistling, tinnyness etc). I lost one on an airplane right after 9/11 and the replacement was never any good and very expensive.
Well some one told me to go to Costco for hearing aids about 3 years ago. (I live in New York and in South Florida and needed a hearing aid supplier that would adjust them in both places.)
I had gone to belltone and hearex; both were very expensive and pushy.
So as a last resort I decided to contact Costco.
I called the one in Boca Raton and the woman told me that since I woud be leaving Florida in a month, I would not be in Florida long enough for her to fit, create and adjust my hearing aids and that I should go to NY and have it all done there and that she would readjust them whenever needed when I got back to Florida... hmmm certainly not pushy...
So I called the New York Costco in Westbury and made an appointment...I was very skeptical ... how good could hearing aids be from Costco..
I was tested and decided to try the behind the ear (and in the ear) hearing aids... their top of the line from bernafon. The woman there worked with me for many months...we saw each other so much we exchanged recipes...(kidding).
Anyway, it is 2 1/2 years later and I still am using the same hearing aids...much adjusted. I have been to both hearing aid costcos and they have filled my needs more than adequately.
I still don't wear them all the time...I enjoy the quiet of not wearing them when I am alone. I paint and knit and crochet and read; for these things I don't need my hearing aids. I play tennis and golf and cannot wear them for those activities as the wind is a problem.
I can now go the the theater and to movies... The only problem is that I have always heard music one way. I have no hearing in the higher ranges (treble)so when I go to a concert of familier music (Chopin, Beethoven) I find that I am taking them out and putting them in because the music sounds different than it has always been for me.
I have the advantage in very noisy places (I can read lips and can remove my hearing aids) and function better than my hearing friends who can do neither and who have to suffer with the noise.
My friends and family are thrilled with me when I wear them...It is much less work for them to communicate with me.
I guess this was not a quick answer. I am very passionate about the subject.
As a postscript...Everyone who goes to a hearing specialist needs a hearing impaired friend (who wears aids) to go with them and to help them over the hurdles...especially older people. It is very difficult to navigate the Q&As of adjusting them and of what you should expect from them.
Hope this helps some one else.
Suzi

Thanks Suzi
Your comments about talking with or taking someone to help them through the mine field of hearing aid issues is very valid. It surprises me that people, in this day and age, still think that a deaf person can put on a hearing aid and suddenly hear everything. As you say it takes a lot of visits and help to get the best you possibly can from a hearing aid and of course if your hearing is deteriorating then you need to continue to have them adjusted.

Have a look at the pages on my web-site. They contain my 'commandments' for dealing with the hearing impaired and are designed to be printed by you and put in a prominent place.
BellaOnline ALERT: Raw URLs are not allowed in these forums for security reasons. Please use UBB code. If you don't know how to do UBB code just post here for help - we will help out!

My grandmother had really bad hearing now, and I make sure to follow those commandments closely. She's become a little loopy, so I have to speak clearly for her to get what I'm saying.

Good for you bea

Oh that is very good and such a nice clear list. I'd add to it to make sure the room you're in is well lit so that a lipreader can see your face clearly. I've worn hearing aids since I was a very small child so I can totally relate to what people have said.

I've put my deafness to good use in a number of ways - although I will never hear normally. I still cannot for example tell what direction traffic is coming from, only that it's there. My father has become hard of hearing and I have been able to support him and help him to understand that what he experiences is normal for a deaf person - makes it hard for my mother being the normal hearing person when both Dad and I are around! I also attend the Disability Working Group meetings at work and help to co-ordinate disability policy across an entire NHS Trust in London. It's not all bad!

No it's not all bad so long as you have the strength and ability to be positive about it. But some people don't have that - or it takes time to develop. There were times in my life when I found it so hard. I became incredibly isolated and lonely and didn't know where to turn. My deafness was only one issue but it certainly made other issues harder to deal with (eg finding work (financial stress) dating (finding companionship & love) etc.)

Since I had my CI I have much more confidence and work within the hard of hearing area to help others who might suffer as I did

The 1st line of that article made me smile- I have low-frequency hearing loss and my SO doesn't see very well... We were made for each other!

Honestly, I don't know what I would do without him. I am very withdrawn because of my hearing loss. He is my translator/ amplifier and he also keeps me socially involved.

Because I'm relatively young (33) and I don't wear a hearing aid most people either assume I'm stupid or that I'm ignoring them. I've often thought I should wear a shirt that says: PARDON MY DEAFNESS so folks won't think I'm being rude or a big dummy. Maybe those commandments would look good on the back

Laughing. It is true deafness is a hidden 'disability' and therefore the assumption is often made that we are stupid.

Yesterday.... we were at the green grocers. My husband is suffering a bad gout attack in his big toe (smile). It's incredibly painful. The check out chick was talking about him limping and we told her it was gout.

He limped away as I handed her my payment card and she said "Winter Gout!" I laughed and said "yes I guess so." She looked at me strangely and I realised I must have said something wrong. "Pardon?" "Which Account?" she repeated. I then had to explain I hadn't heard her correctly.

I have many funny things happen to me because of my hearing loss, and its all from not hearing the correct words, I can really stir up things. most things i can laugh about because what i hear most times has nothing to do with whats been said. I can cause a lot of confusion at times. I do get my feathers ruffled when i will tell people i can not hear them and they look like at me like there discussed because they have to repeat them selves, And they do it in the same tone of voice, so once again i have to say I can't hear you.! I try to avoid people because of my hearing lost ;o(

It is a shame you try to avoid people because of your hearing loss. But.... it is a common thing for us. I know I became isolated because I couldn't hear, because I got bored and I found many people downright rude. Recently when we were in the UK in Stonehenge I watched a lady take photos of her husband and baby. She then turned away. I turned around to take photos of the stones and then walked away. A short time later my husband wanted to take a picture of me with the stones in the background so I turned to face him. This lady I had seen before moved into the photo. My husband beckoned me to move aside a bit, so I did and she moved with me. This happened a couple of times until we asked why and she said "Well your wife did it to me!" I hadn't even know I had done it. Apparently she had spoken to me but even with my implant, with my back turned in a high noise environment there is no way I would have known. I got really upset because she didn't even consider I might not hear her and was very rude.

My son and I watch The Amazing Race regularly and have enjoyed the Mother/Son team of Margie and Luke progressing through the competition. I know that they edit the show and may have made one episode more dramatic by emphasizing a conflict between Margie and Luke and another team, but I found the episode two weeks ago showed a great lack of awareness about disability etiquette. And the comments about that show written by viewers took things a step or two further.

From Terri Mauro's blog:
Defending The Amazing Race's Margie and Luke

Did anyone else see the episode in question? A gal on another team laughed when Luke was signing, and the host explained at the end that he was satisfied that she was not laughing to insult him for signing. I was mildly annoyed about the incidents until I read comments from other viewers, and now feel really steamed.

I have been told to both 'toughen up' and to 'lighten up' about this type of thing for years. Apparently there's no chance of that happening. Am I the *only* crab apple?

Pam W
SE of Seattle

Signing, Reading and Spelling for Communication

It is unfortunate that there is a lack of understanding about deafness and signing. I don't watch the show (and was away from home in any case)so I didn't see the episode you mention. Deafness seems to be the 'poor relation' in disabilities and it is such a shame because it impacts on our lives horrendously.

I think you can watch episodes and specific scenes of The Amazing Race at CBS online. We have the conestoga version of being online so video takes longer than a sequoia growing to 100 feet.


It is often assumed among advocates for individuals with developmental disabilities that intellectual disabilities are the 'poor relation' section of the hierarchy.

I did read that people with disabilities would rather reveal a diagnosis than to let people know they are poor, so poverty is probably still the 'poor relation' in any hierarchy.

My daughter and son's high school offered sign language classes where Deaf culture was featured in the curriculum, but ignorance about improvements in living in the world as a deaf person does seem rampant otherwise.

Pam W
SE of Seattle

Universal Design - Canadian Association for the Deaf

CHAA guidelines and best practices in Universal Design - English and French

The Disability Hierarchy, Equity and Advocacy

Thanks Pam. I hope my site helps improve the ignorance :-)

Yes! Your site, and the discussion here ~ so much depends on reliable information, support, and person-to-person contact.

Pam W
SE of Seattle

Thanks Pam - I was pleased to see that my site is linked to Western Oregon University -BellaOnline ALERT: Raw URLs are not allowed in these forums for security reasons. Please use UBB code. If you don't know how to do UBB code just post here for help - we will help out!

[quote=Felicity Deafness]Thanks Suzi Your comments about talking with or taking someone to help them through the mine field of hearing aid issues is very valid. It surprises me that people, in this day and age, still think that a deaf person can put on a hearing aid and suddenly hear everything. As you say it takes a lot of visits and help to get the best you possibly can from a hearing aid and of course if your hearing is deteriorating then you need to continue to have them adjusted.[/quote] Goodness, you are SOOO right. I have actually been accused of having "respect of hearing;" in other words, I hear what i want to hear when I want to hear it. I have a 65% hearing loss in my right ear and a 35% hearing loss in my left one, and they tell me I have respect of hearing! Even when I put on my hearing aids, I still have to remind people to speak facing me and to speak clearly. My dad actually said to me once, "Aren't those things working?" Well, he wears glasses, so I looked him squarely in the face and told him, "Wow, you must have super X-Ray vision with those glasses, huh?" Imagine his repsonse: he immediately be quiet and never asked me that question again. LOL.

First of all, I would like to say whoever start this forum, THANK YOU THANK YOu THANK YOU!! I'm a 25-year old beautiful, intelligent female who have moderately severe hearing loss in both ears (65% loss in right ear; 45% in left). I've been like this since I was born and have endured some high teasing from people who thought that I was deaf and dumb. I was a straight honor student in high school, graduated valedictorian from the community college that I attended, magna cum laude from the university that I attend and currently have a 3.4 GPA in the grad school I'm attending. I am currently in the workforce (been at the same job for two years). Everyone I work with has perfect hearing. Even with my hearing aids, I can hear okay, but it's not PERFECT, as some would expect. Well, for some ODD reason, the only working hearing aid that I have has gone out, and now I'm feeling insecure. I called my pastor for spirtual counseling; he was very understanding. He built me up. I go through sometimes with my hearing impairment; sometimes I cry and question God why did He make me like this? But then I remember, He made me in His image, I'm special, one of a kind, top of the line. He doesn't make mistakes. Sometimes, I want to shout and say, Jesus Christ, I'm not perfect. I have a hearing impairment; I"m not dumb, I'm not stupid, and I have some common sense. By the Way, I love the ten commandments and pointers flyers. I'm going to pass them out to the people at work.

Hi I've had 2 distinct reactions from people when they see my hearing aid. The first, like so many of you find, is that they think I can hear perfectly because of my aid. The reaction from other people is that they think that they have to shout. Wouldn't it be wonderful if people with normal hearing could go on a hearing loss simulation programme for say a week or a month and have a temporary hearing loss and wear hearing aids to see what life is like for us? Maybe then they would get a better understanding of what it's like to be hard of hearing and to have to wear hearing aids every day! Ian

It would be a good idea if people were required to experience how others live. Maybe if someone was rude to a deaf person then they have to go to 'live deaf for a day courses :-)!

Your comments prompted me to write this article.
Imagine being deaf for a dayBellaOnline ALERT: Raw URLs are not allowed in these forums for security reasons. Please use UBB code. If you don't know how to do UBB code just post here for help - we will help out!

I am almost 31 and have been losing my hearing since I had my daughter 7 years ago. At my last visit I had 60% loss in my left ear and 35% loss in my right ear although I have noticed it worsening since then. When I was diagnosed with ottosclerosis 5 years ago, my doctor informed me that I would probably not lose ALL of my hearing. It may get to 10% remaining. Oh, joy! I guess it's better than the alternative. I have been delighted to find this forum today and will make this a regular tool for coping with my hearing loss. I find it very difficult to deal with people who don't know I'm hearing impaired. In fact, when I found this site and told my husband, this was the conversation that followed: DH: You think you're hearing impaired? Me: You think I'm not? DH: You're not deaf. Me: Hence the word "impaired" DH: So if you wear glasses are you visually impaired? Me: You're certainly not automatically blind! I read to him and my DD the 10 Commandments and I could see them light up a bit to discover that this is real. This struggle that I've been going through for the last 7 years is a real problem that other people go through, too. It is so great to read about how you all deal with it. One challenge that I find is like others have said - when you ask people to repeat themselves or say "I can't hear you" they either yell it at you rudely or just say it again with the same tone. My latest example of this was my professor (I'm in MBA classes) who was hidden behind her computer monitor when she said that if we had not posted our assignments yet that we needed to go to another room. She trailed off as she spoke so by the time I leaned over to see around her monitor, I could tell she was saying something but couldn't read her lips. I moved over to see her face and asked her what she said. She proceeded to practically yell to me that I needed to go to another room. Urgh! I was furious! Being in the classroom presents a whole new set of challenges. If I sit in the front so I can hear the professor I have my back turned to all the other classmates and can't hear them. Then I have to crane my neck to look at them and try to read their lips. Enter into the mix a Nigerian with a HEAVY accent and one guy who barely whispers when he speaks and it's pretty funny! My main reason for joining this forum was to see how you all deal with people that you will have to work with for a given period of time (6 weeks or more) - how do you explain to them that you have trouble hearing them? And how early do you do it? I try not to say anything unless I have to but at some point I end up saying, "I have a really hard time hearing your voice. I'm hearing impaired so if you could let me see your mouth when you talk or speak up when you can, it would help me a lot." I usually try to tell professors pretty quickly but I don't want to seem needy. Any advice you could give would be much appreciated. Thanks to the member who gave information about Costco. I will check them out and hopefully find some help through hearing aids. Thanks a Million!!!! Liz

Hi again Liz
The work place and study pose special challenges for those of us with a hearing problem. I gave up tertiary study twice because of my hearing loss. The 2nd time I had similar issues to you (up front, but can't hear the students or the lecturer when he turned to the white board etc). Finally I completed my BA degree on line. By then I had had my cochlear implant and could hear again, but so many buildings are acoustically difficult even though I have at least 50% normal hearing again and can understand (in controlled situations where they test me)100% of everything. (I am having a 2nd bi-lateral cochlear implant in 15 days time).

I tell everyone I meet first up that I am deaf... Having said that, I know there are people I forget to tell now because my hearing is so close to normal these days. I used to tell every single person I met. I used to say the least important thing about me was my deafness but it had to be the first thing I told anyone. I understand your frustration.

I have little problem at work these days because I can use a phone again and can hear people talking to me. I tune out like all good hearing people do so I don't get disturbed. I do have a bit of trouble with direction of sound with only 1 ear implanted and find it hard to tell if it is my phone ringing or the one on the next desk.

But today I took a call on my mobile in the car. The air conditioner fan was going full bore and the road noise was really loud. I found it hard to hear then but I maanged because I knew who it was.

You do say the right thing to people, explaining how best they shoudl speak to you. Unfortunately you probably do need to tell everyone you meet otherwise they think you are stupid, rude or snob (take your pick)! I used to hate it when at the check out I would have to say I'm deaf. and they'd answer, that's alright. I used to get angry sometimes and say back ' no it's not alright. I hate it...:-)

Keep in touch

Hello Just new to the website today. Have tried to find "the Ten Commandments" but have been unable to do so. Please assist. Thanx dq

Please list the 10 commandments. I cannot find them, Thank you.

Try this link but type the www in the front as I'm unable to include a correct link here

.uvm.edu/~lizzo/hearing_impaired_suggestions.pdf

Here is the 10 Commandments hyperlink:

Hearing Impaired Suggestions

Sadhana, thanks for the link. I'm somewhat hearing impaired, and having this list up might help my students to better deal with me. They get so upset when I ask them to repeat themselves. This might help them to remember that I can't always here them when others are whispering or the air conditioning is on!